To not let dc have a packed lunch because they qualify for free scho meals

[ClementineKelandra]

Dc have free school meals which is a huge financial help.

The problem is they are always complaining and saying they would prefer a pack lunch because of very long queues and lack of choice.

They act like I'm the most terrible mother ever because I insist they stay on school dinners!

If you tell me iabu I'll let them have their way.

I would try and make them have the FSM. I don't know of our DC are boys or girls but I spent most of my boys teen years being stunned at how much food they eat. They were skinny and not ridiculously sporty but ate mountains of food. Anything that offsets your contribution to their own personal food mountains sounds good to me.

My god, some of the posts here are horrible :(

Anyway, re the op - I don't think you're being unreasonable, but could they maybe have a packed lunch one day a week as a compromise?

" But if you're on benefits, free school lunches are counted as income, believe it or not. So you're effectively already paying for FSM's by receiving less benefit money, so it's completely unfair to expect a parent to also be able to afford packed lunches."

I dont think thats actually true. There is no mention that IS, JSA or CTC have a deduction made for claimimg FSM just that they are a passport benefit to being eligible. If this was he case, those who didnt take the meals wouldnt apply and would have higher benefits but thats not an option.

Cat98 may be onto something. Maybe you could work out which days they find it most difficult to get to the school canteen on time and then then let them have packed on those days. There is always one teacher who always lets the class out late or one classroom that is on the far, far side of school.

What's wrong with value products?

They're shit, that's why they're cheap. I bought value bread once and it had gone off within a day. I expect value "ham" has a very low meat content. I buy value apples sometimes because an apple is an apple. I would never buy processed value products.

School dinners are often extremely unhealthy anyway

Not in my experience. My DC's schools offer a choice of freshly cooked, decent hot food. Far better, taste and nutrition-wise, than value ham sandwiches.

When I was at school FSM kids could spend their dinner ticket on a can of fizzy drink and a chocolate cookie! Or sausage roll and chips!

It's up to the parent to insist they make good choices with their free school meals money. DS1 is at primary school so his lunches are chosen in advance each term (we choose together) from three daily cooked options. DS2 is at secondary and knows he is NOT to spend his money on rubbish. He's a healthy eater so wouldn't just buy crisps and chocolate anyway. I trust him to make sensible choices.

Arf at free school dinners being a privilege

Bonkers.

Do your children get pocket money, OP? Perhaps they could use that to buy the ingredients to make their own lunches.

YANBU, anyway.

Add an aside, my dinner money went on fags.

When I was at school my school stopped doing hot meals after a while. It became obvious then which children were on the FSM as there were only two if them.

Those poor kids ate the worst lunches I'd ever seen at that point.

Think stale sandwich, bruised fruit warm juice or milk and an anaemic cookie. The girl was in my class and I befriended her. I felt so sorry for her. We hardly had any money but my lunches were a darn sight better than what this poor girl got.

I may have been young at the time but even then I realised that the mum clearly had priorities so wrong. She smoked , managed to find money to get a cat and then feed that cat and then to feed subsequent litters of kittens and the whole time her child had to eat what the school provided.

I think that was a very clear lesson that IF at all POSSIBLE then to look beyond what was easier, and the fact it was free and do what was best for the child.

I do think that if they aren't getting a decent meal then to look past what you deem as teens moaning and find out if they are in fact getting the dregs or not enough and see what the teachers plan to do about it because its hardly fair if their teacher is the one that over runs and they are regularly getting the stuff no one else wants.

If enough people complain then surely they would have to look at the system they use and do better to provide enough food.

Would they compromise? I have a 'thing' about school dinners, the DC's always stay on hot lunches over the winter, IMO it's better for them to get through the day with a hot meal inside them than sandwiches. Could you try telling them you want them to stay on hot lunches until the spring term and then discuss the situation again?
As for the lack of choice, that's a school issue and needs raising. Do they have a school council? If enough of the children raise the issue with class reps or the HOY it could be discussed at a higher level.
YANBU to want them to stay on lunches at all. I would feel the same.

Thanks for all the advice. Dc are 1 dd and 1 ds, I also have a preschooler.

They don't get pocket money but dd does babysitting sometimes so has a bit of money.

The school don't sell fizzy drinks, crisps etc so there is no way for them to use fsm money on that. Ds is very fuzzy and usually says he's a slice of veg pizza and fruit most days.

Dd will eat anything any comes home saying she's had lasagne, stew, and fish amongst other things.

It seems the items they run out of most often are the chips or wedges that ds would live on.

Why do I end up feeling embarrassed about being on fsm? I'm trying my dam hardest to keep my family going. This is a life style choice. I dont want to live like this. I'm doing my best.

Thanks for all the advice. Dc are 1 dd and 1 ds, I also have a preschooler.

They don't get pocket money but dd does babysitting sometimes so has a bit of money.

The school don't sell fizzy drinks, crisps etc so there is no way for them to use fsm money on that. Ds is very fuzzy and usually says he's a slice of veg pizza and fruit most days.

Dd will eat anything any comes home saying she's had lasagne, stew, and fish amongst other things.

It seems the items they run out of most often are the chips or wedges that ds would live on.

Why do I end up feeling embarrassed about being on fsm? I'm trying my dam hardest to keep my family going. This is a life style choice. I dont want to live like this. I'm doing my best.

This isnt a life style choice !

Don't feel embarrassed, you're doing nothing wrong and your children are well fed.

I'd insist they stay on FSM - the food sounds decent.

I dint think you need to be en areas drs. I think you need to feel like you can speak up if your kids are getting a raw deal. Just because they are free doesnt mean you have to accept that your kids have to eat whatever's left or go without.

All the kids deserve to have something decent and if they are regularly going without that through no fault of their own then I think you should be able to complain or raise it with someone.

Embarrassed. Bloody phone

You are not being unreasonable. You qualify for them to have a free lunch, take what you are entitled to. The money you save goes towards other necessities and they need to appreciate that.

My DCs are on free school meals. They take a packed lunch once a week (the day after ive done the food shop) just for a bit of change really.

YANBU
Unless the queues mean they can't do lunch time clubs they would like to.

DD2 always takes lunch on netball and hockey days or she doesn't eat.

DD1 is now taking packed lunch because the queues plus the price increases are silly.

I think, as they are teenagers and therefore old enough to understand the reasons why there's no choice about this, that they will just have to lump it (in the nicest possible way!) - or, as someone else said, get themselves a Saturday job which would probably be no bad thing anyway.

Lyra you do realise value bread often goes off quicker because it's not pumped full of preservatives?!

There is nothing wrong with value ranges. Basic yes and not to everyone's taste but perfectly fine if you are on a budget.

There are plenty of "premium/taste difference/ finest" products that are shit.

I don't trust value processed food. I don't believe the quality will be up to much if they're so cheap. Only cheap ingredients, low meat content in sausages, that sort of thing. Just not what I would choose to feed my children unless it was value or nothing.

I used to keep my value bread in the freezer and take it out as needed - by the time I'd had a shower and put my face on, it was defrosted and ready to make into slightly disappointing sandwiches.

If queuing is eating into club time (this is why ds insists on packed lunches - although he doesn't do any clubs) maybe approach the school - perhaps there's a possible workaround (like the canteen offering packed lunches - as mentioned in another thread recently).

Generally I think YANBU but I like the compromise of packed lunches one day a week. My dc used to have school dinners, not because we got fsm but because I hate making packed lunches. I compromised on one packed lunch a week which worked well.

Now they both have dinners every day but we're trying to save money so trying to go back again to packed lunches a couple of days a week. DS1 yr8 says no one takes packed lunch at all so I'm just giving yr5 DS2 packed lunches a few days as he prefers them.

YANBU. I hated my school dinners but didn't like a packed lunch much either. So I just stuck with the dinners.