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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let dc have a packed lunch because they qualify for free scho meals

108 replies

ClementineKelandra · 14/09/2013 17:48

Dc have free school meals which is a huge financial help.

The problem is they are always complaining and saying they would prefer a pack lunch because of very long queues and lack of choice.

They act like I'm the most terrible mother ever because I insist they stay on school dinners!

If you tell me iabu I'll let them have their way.

OP posts:
marriedinwhiteisback · 14/09/2013 20:53

If you need FSM they need to have them. If packed is an option, they shouldn't be eligible. They get Free shouldn't come with choices.

I'm sorry if you are skint but if your dc are getting fed for free they need to start being more appreciative.

MammaTJ · 14/09/2013 20:56

Euphemia, as ever is the font of all wisdom!! I have nothing more to add!! Grin

MammaTJ · 14/09/2013 20:58

If you need FSM they need to have them. If packed is an option, they shouldn't be eligible. They get Free shouldn't come with choices.

Oh dear Married, are you really saying people on benefits should be grateful for whatever they get and should not have choices?

marriedinwhiteisback · 14/09/2013 21:07

I think I probably am actually MamaTJ. If what they are offered is adequate there shouldn't be a problem. Want and need are two different things. I don't want anyone to be in need and ensuring the minimum number are in need doesn't extend to providing choices I'm afraid.

MammaTJ · 14/09/2013 21:14

That is not really fair, although I do agree the OP should not give them the choices, as she is struggling, but she is the one managing the money that comes in to the household, so she should make the decisions. Not saying there should not be any choices at all!!

frogspoon · 14/09/2013 21:19

If you can't afford packed lunches, they can't have them. Simple.

But on a separate note may be worth asking the school for menus to see if the choice is actually limited or they are just fussy.

marriedinwhiteisback · 14/09/2013 21:20

Well, Mama, until free packed is on offer there isn't a choice. If they want a choice at present as teenagers they can get jobs although one would hope they would put that towards clothes,etc to help their mum out, ie, make a good choice.

MammaTJ · 14/09/2013 21:24

A lot of schools, including the one my DC go to, do offer a packed lunch on their standard menu, so it could be included! I would be furious if I paid for, or even had a free school meal and my DC opted for a sandwich option!!

MammaTJ · 14/09/2013 21:26

Oh, and I have been answering you, because I am in a good mood, but my NN is Mamma, two Ms after the first A!

marriedinwhiteisback · 14/09/2013 21:32

Well Mamma (correct spelling) I pay for mine and am happy for them to have whatever they fancy - couldn't get furious over a school lunch if I tried - perhaps you need to deal with your moods.

calopene · 14/09/2013 21:34

It is concerning that parents can't afford to provide a lunch for their child ......either a school meal or a packed lunch. Surely a fundamental requirement of being a parent - providing food.

Original poster
ClementineKelandra · 14/09/2013 21:35

Sorry I disappeared. The 3 year old started vomiting :(

Thanks for all the replies though.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/09/2013 21:35

YANBU

expatinscotland · 14/09/2013 21:37

'Surely a fundamental requirement of being a parent - providing food.'

And shelter, heating, power, clothes. Believe it or not, a real struggle for many parents, particularly of teens who eat a lot and wear adult clothing.

Original poster
ClementineKelandra · 14/09/2013 21:37

Calopene, I would always provide meals for my dc but the fsm means that I can afford to feed myself too.

OP posts:
ravenAK · 14/09/2013 21:46

I'd be insisting mine availed themselves of the FSM.

I reckon pack ups cost a good £10-20 a week for my three, & we use Approved Food for crisps, drinks & dried fruit, shop with an eye to bargains, bake our own bread, use fruit from the garden etc.

That's a significant sum & as teenagers they are old enough to understand that if you give them a packed lunch it'll impact elsewhere on the family budget.

That said, I do sympathise re: queues & unappetising food - I'm a teacher & dread forgetting my own lunch because of this!

The answer's better school meals, including a good 'packed lunch' style option, but the more they're outsourced the less clout schools or parents seem to have. Crap situation all round.

Twattybollocks · 14/09/2013 21:49

Tell them they can have fresh air sandwiches or school lunch.

MammaTJ · 14/09/2013 22:03

Married I pay for mine, so up till now they have not been allowed them often! I do not get FSM, but it would suit me well for my DC to have a proper cooked school dinner.I would want them to have the cooked option though, rather than sandwiches!!

HappyMummyOfOne · 14/09/2013 22:03

"It is concerning that parents can't afford to provide a lunch for their child ......either a school meal or a packed lunch. Surely a fundamental requirement of being a parent - providing food."

Ooh careful Calopene, your not allowed to question affording or supporting children on MN!

I agree though, if they dont like the food i wouldnt force them to eat it and would do a packed lunch instead. Shopping carefully, it doesnt have to be expensive.

As for FSM being given to parents to do what they like, that definately should not be happening. As the school has to state what they spend it on, ours shows it goes towards a TA's salary.

Canthisonebeused · 14/09/2013 22:09

How can the school give out pupil premium they need to publish what they are doing to with tis money to raise attainment and combat the effects of poverty. I'm sure giving the lump sums directly to families is probably illegal or something.

Canthisonebeused · 14/09/2013 22:13

I do my dd packed lunches on a couple of days OP but if she were a teenager I think I would probably be more forceful about having the dinners.

ravenAK · 14/09/2013 23:26

Canthisonebeused - yes, it's not 'attached' to the eligible student, but needs to be accounted for, in terms of having an impact on attainment of students to whom PP applies.

We have to explain this quite regularly to parents who think their dc is allowed £x worth of school trips automatically, say.

Much of ours gets used on buying in one-to-one tuition for kids who are struggling in English & Maths. Not always precisely the same students who are eligible for PP.

Quite a lot of it does go on enrichment opportunities like trips - again, not exclusively for the PP students.

But we do have to show that those students are making good progress.

In theory, we could spend the whole lot on painting the HT's study with gold leaf, provided we demonstrated that the PP kids, as a cohort, were keeping up with their peers. But what we definitely can't do is give it to parents!

SomeTeaPlease · 15/09/2013 00:23

If they want packed lunches tell them they can--if they earn the money to buy the food to make the lunches, and make the packed lunch themselves.

Bet they won't want packed lunches any more.

SugarMouse1 · 15/09/2013 01:05

Unless you compromise and send them in with leftover dinner

Value bread and value ham sandwiches, value yoghurt, crisps, apple etc

Shouldnt cost more than four quid a week

Or value pasta and sauce

Homemade pizzas could be made for pennies

SugarMouse1 · 15/09/2013 01:22

Also, I don't really believe anybody NEEDS FSM

It's just a nice privilege.

I'm not having a go at op at all, just that I bet she has a tv license, kids have birthday and Christmas presents etc

It's just a question of priorities

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