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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell DH and MiL to stop being ridiculous

85 replies

ipswichwitch · 14/09/2013 17:28

I took DS out shopping today with MIL, and while I was paying for a few birthday presents (he's 2 in a couple of weeks) I clearly heard MIL saying to DS "no, that's for little girls". I went to investigate and found DS cuddling a soft toy of Doc McStuffins (for those who don't know, Doc mcStuffins is a Disney channel cartoon that DS loves about a little girl who has toys that come to life and she fixes them when they're ill)

He is never normally interested in soft toys but he'd really taken a shine to this one, but MiL kept saying its for girls not boys over and over. I said don't be daft, he's 2 and can play with whatever he fancies, and likes the pushchairs at his nursery too. She seemed horrified, but said nothing else, and after DS saying a long goodbye to Doc, we left.

I was telling DH about it when we got home, saying I plan to get one for DSs birthday since he liked it so much, and he started with the "it's for girls" nonsense. Then uttered "but it might make him gay....."

Now, the only thing stopping me from tearing him a new one at the sheer ludicrousness of that statement is the fact we have had no sleep for a week (DS teething), and I can only assume its sleep deprivation making him talk shite. They both think I'm going doolally for buying him a "girls toy" and I think they're talking out their arses, and I've told them both to stop being ridiculous.

Actually, I don't really know what the point of this AIBU is, since I know it's them not me!

OP posts:

carabos · 14/09/2013 17:57

Some gay men are really really butch and macho. Possibly more "real man" seeming than your DH. Chances are that someone he knows and admires for his "real man" persona is gay. He needs to get out more.

And as for your MiL, unless she's about 100 years old, the being older thing just doesn't cut it I'm afraid. Prejudice is prejudice - don't let her off the hook because she's older. She should be older and wiser.

FlapJackFlossie · 14/09/2013 17:57

a complete epi-fit! - Not a very nice saying. Just saying daisy.

SeaSickSal · 14/09/2013 17:58

Ha. I bet you're from Yorkshire.

DuelingFanjo · 14/09/2013 18:03

I get comments like this all the time because ds has a pushchair and dolls. Also got told that monster munch is not for girls.

3birthdaybunnies · 14/09/2013 18:03

Ds is 4 and loves trying to pull down my top and 'looking at luverrly fabrics', I might have trained him slightly on the last one cos so do I!

Buy your ds the toy and sign dh up for the let toys be toys campaign. It must have taken all your parental resolve as it was not to turn round and buy it for him there and then. It was great in hobbycraft the other day - science kits, craft kits, fashion stuff and no one told me which child to buy it for. It will confuse your MIL when she's no longer told which are the toys to protect against gayness !!!!!

silverten · 14/09/2013 18:03

I think your DH needs to have a look at this:

jezebel.com/how-to-tell-if-a-toy-is-for-boys-or-for-girls-494034840

mrspremise · 14/09/2013 18:04

WTAF has Yorkshire got to do with? Crass generalisations like that are what cause problems like this in the first place. Be quiet SeasickSal

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/09/2013 18:04

If only it was that easy.

For a number of years now I have been trying to make my DS gay. I would much rather have him and his boyfriend buy me fabulous bags and invite me along on their trips to Paris than read about what a horrible MIL I am here.

So I've tried all the stuff that narrow minded people spout about gender specific toys giving young boys the gay.. Over the years I have given him dolls and prams. Bought him hairbands, princess dresses. Encouraged him to play with my high heels and make-up. And has it worked? Has it fuck!. I keep catching him looking at that Rachel Riley on TV and knew that I was on a road to no town. He is very much heterosexual.

So OP YANBU. Your DH and his ma are being mental. And if anyone has discovered a surefire way of making boys gay, would they please PM me. Thanks.

MrsOakenshield · 14/09/2013 18:05

'monster munch is not for girls'???????????????????

pththahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

mrspremise · 14/09/2013 18:05

And btw, silverten, that is legend.

MurderOfGoths · 14/09/2013 18:06

I'd be tempted to put him in a nice pink princess dress the next time she visits

PurplePidjin · 14/09/2013 18:07

If a toy is dependent on genitalia to operate then it really isn't suitable for any child!

LizzieVereker · 14/09/2013 18:10

Grrr! Ask your DH/MIL if playing with/ being around them will make your son a bigot...

Sorry OP, that's probably a bit harsh, but honestly!

MissStrawberry · 14/09/2013 18:12

I'm fucked for grandchildren from my sons then since DS1 had a dolly and buggy and still sleeps with a cuddly toy and DS2 had a kitchen 3 actually and has mountains of cuddly toys. Both like to cook too. Fuck.

YouTheCat · 14/09/2013 18:14

Omg!!!! I used to have short hair and some dungarees!!!! We're all going to catch THE GAY

Runnnnnnnnnn

Silvercatowner · 14/09/2013 18:17

How will your OH react if your son is gay? When my son came out at the age of 16, the nature of my reaction (although I'd known for years) and my husbands laid the foundations for the relationship we took forward into adulthood. Had either of us reacted negatively our relationship with have not recovered, I don't think.

ebwy · 14/09/2013 18:33

My little boy has a doll called "baby" who he loves on, and imitates breast feeding with (he used a mega bloks pirate cannon as a breast pump too. he's 3. He won't have caught gayness ! Your MIL would self destruct here - he has a toy kitchen and a vacuum cleaner too!

DrCoconut · 14/09/2013 18:34

DS2 has a pink dolls pushchair. It's fine.

ShabbyButNotChic · 14/09/2013 19:06

Yanbu!! He can play with what he likes! I've just bought my friends 1year old dd a little set of tractors and diggers as thats what she chose grabbed off the shelf in the toy shop. Nobody cares. She has her favourites at the moment which include a doll, a tea set, her new diggers and a tool kit. (Baby version not b&q :) )

I dont even know where to start with the gay comment....

strawberrypenguin · 14/09/2013 19:46

We're fine ips can't believe how fast W seems to be growing up though. Not had any 'proper' back teeth yet only pre-molars - not looking forward to it!

Original poster

ipswichwitch · 14/09/2013 19:50

I've asked DH what he'd do if DS is gay and he looked a bit hurt and said of course he'd live and support him just the same. His fear is that he would get grief from others though as he has a relative who was persecuted for being gay which has resulted in numerous issues for him, and DH really doesn't want this for DS. I pointed out that comments like he made make him sound like those mindless twats and he was mortified. He doesn't even know why he said it.
So we had a discussion about gender neutrality of toys and he not only agrees with me, but has offered to come buy the doll and get the sparkly pink medical bag to go with it.

I thought it was a ridiculous comment to make and am prepared to write it off as twatty thing he said in the grips of sleep deprivation (I am not always the nicest when I'm shattered). However, he has said mIL will never change her tune, and we do live in a former pit village in the north, and unfortunately know a number of people with the same attitude. Still at least DS will be thrilled to bits with his presents!

OP posts:

SeaSickSal · 14/09/2013 19:52

Said by someone who's obviously never lived in Yorkshire. I had never heard things like this said until I moved to Yorkshire and I hear them here all the bleeding time.

thegreylady · 14/09/2013 19:53

My grandson has a bright pink flamingo which is a favourite toy. He is 8 now and Mungo has been banished to Mummy's bed!

Original poster

ipswichwitch · 14/09/2013 19:55

Ffs, love and support, not live.

Hate to say it -strawberry but the molars are hell :( I'd probably feel more human if it were me teething!

OP posts:

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/09/2013 19:55

"he used a mega bloks pirate cannon as a breast pump too."

That's so hilarious and so cute. :)

ipswich - glad your non-twatty husband has been returned to you :)

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