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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about 'wetting the baby's head'?

47 replies

stripytopgirl · 14/09/2013 15:13

my DB's DS (pfb) was born less than a week ago by EMCS.
DB (30yo) has made plans to be in the pub from this afternoon to get 'pished'. he's there right now and plans for it to be a big one.

he's left his DW at home, days after surgery, with a days old baby that she is struggling to bf, to be out all day with his mates. no one around him or his DW thinks this is odd. I live on the other side of the country and feel like this is really irresponsible of him.

my siblings generally think I'm uptight anyway so I haven't brought this up with them, therefore I'm asking you, AIBU?

OP posts:
burberryqueen · 14/09/2013 15:16

if she thinks it is OK......I guess it is OK...personally it would piss me off but she might be happy for him to have his fun or to have some time to herself who knows?

YouTheCat · 14/09/2013 15:16

I think it's utterly shitty behaviour.

My ex did this... for years.

HopLittleFroggyHopHopHop · 14/09/2013 15:17

I wouldn't be happy persons, but if his DW is genuinely happy about it then he's being reasonable.
Maybe he'll be in a better mood and more help at home if he's had some time to himself?

HopLittleFroggyHopHopHop · 14/09/2013 15:17

personally*

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2013 15:18

YABU to be judging him for this if his DW is ok with it.

It might not be what you would choose but then it doesn't affect you.

sweetiepie1979 · 14/09/2013 15:18

Well if the Mum isn't bothered I don't see why you are. It's their life. And not really any of your business. I agree if he said he was going to get pished and it's a big one that's a bit immature and though I like the whole wetting the baby head thing idea been Irish I wouldn't like if my husband went to the pub for a whole day! But like I said if mum isn't bothered then neither should you be.

Mutley77 · 14/09/2013 15:21

I am on the fence. Personally I wouldn't have coped and would have told Dh in no uncertain terms! However with my second I felt really chilled even after cs and it would have been fine (other than the issue of having dc1 to also look after!)

Some women do just prefer to be left to it and actually when having issues with Bf dc3 I thought if I had an empty house and just me and her my life would have been much easier!

So up to how his Dw is feeling.

BackforGood · 14/09/2013 15:21

I think YABU to let it bother you, if it doesn't bother his dw.
Is she going to be alone at home all this time, or will she have a friend or family with her ? It can be quite nice to spend time with a friend and have a bit of space from your dh / dw if you've been together for several days.

McNewPants2013 · 14/09/2013 15:24

Is anyone helping the DW while her DH is out.

Original poster
stripytopgirl · 14/09/2013 15:24

I haven't spoke to his DW in case she isn't ok about it,I don't want to be put in the middle if she does have an issue about it.

I'm trying not to project how I'd feel (I know I'd be furious). but even if she was ok with it I still feel like its irresponsible and selfish of him that getting drunk means more to him than staying in looking after his family, the baby isn't even a week old!

I'm being judgey mc judgey pants, aren't I? sigh. at least I've kept quiet about it.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 14/09/2013 15:27

Judge away OP, I would too.

If you're not sure of your sister in law's feelings and think it will cause fall out then probably best to stay quiet though.

Original poster
stripytopgirl · 14/09/2013 15:28

also, it's not about him giving her space, he's going out to get pished, he's going to be drunk coming home and hungover tomo.that's different to me than leaving her to it, whether alone or with friends & family.

OP posts:
elfycat · 14/09/2013 15:34

I worked in an operating theatre and had a new-father pop off to the pub while his wife & half hour old son were in recovery following her EMCS. The new-mother was fine so I just made a cats-bum-face where they couldn't see.

It was 1030 pm, the pub was opposite the hospital, and he could meet up with his brother before last orders.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/09/2013 15:37

YANBU

Bamboobambino · 14/09/2013 15:37

My DH did this to me with 3 week old twins, but I didn't feel u could begrudge him as he's been great otherwise, waking every night to help despite working full days, and doing his share round the house.

elcranko · 14/09/2013 15:50

Do you know if your brother asked his DW if she minded? If he did and she gave him his blessing to go then YABU!

If he just went out anyway without checking she'd be ok about it then YANBU. He could have gone on his bender in a couple more weeks when his DW is further recovered from surgery.

badguider · 14/09/2013 15:50

My Dh is planning 'wetting the baby's head' for when ours is 3 weeks old but he'll go out about 8pm and be home at midnight and will help with feeding the same night (he'll have three beers or so).
I wouldn't be happy if he got really pissed.

GiGiGi · 14/09/2013 15:57

My DH was so excited each time our children were born and couldn't wait to celebrate with his friends. He went out when my firstborn was only a week old, then many of the people at the pub trickled by our house to see the baby! Some I hadn't even met before! Shock I absolutely LOVED it! Grin So on that basis YABU. Everyone is different and you do say yourself that you are very uptight.

Oblomov · 14/09/2013 16:01

Depends if his dw is ok with it. I wouldn't have minded.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 14/09/2013 16:08

A bit random but just wondering where expression "wetting the baby's head" comes from when baby doesn't get much of a look in !
Wonder if it was originally a trip to the pub after baptism ?

BTW YANBU, I think too many new Mums don't really get the support they need.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 14/09/2013 16:13

It's probably because long ago one of these drunk, irresponsible idiots came in and pissed all over their baby in their cot - thus "wetting the baby's head".

Or maybe it was vomit.

The history books are not clear.

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2013 16:18

Jeez, the OP lives at the other side of the country and hasn't even spoken to the DW about it.

How anyone can say she's not being unreasonable for judging in a situation she knows nothing about, is beyond me.

OP hasn't even said if the DW is going to have company/help or not.

mummycat0 · 14/09/2013 16:20

YANBU, this whole 'wetting the baby's head' tradition REALLY gets on my nerves. Who leaves their DP alone with a newborn to go out and get pissed? It's very irresponsible imo.

I'm not British in case you haven't noticed lol.

Original poster
stripytopgirl · 14/09/2013 16:22

ok, I caved and spoke to SIL, she's not happy. he told her it was only a few drinks and she's worried it'll be a late night, huge bender type thing. imho, he shouldn't be putting her in a situation where she has to worry about anything. although she is enjoying having time just her and her DS.

I'm not impressed with my brother at all. hopefully it is just a few drinks and he gets home soon.

OP posts:
Norfolknway · 14/09/2013 16:23

If she's fine with it, there's no problem, is there?

YABU

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