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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DP to take me to work

67 replies

HolaGuapo · 13/09/2013 19:32

I get the train to work and this suits me fine - I pay for my season pass, and I quite enjoy the 15 minute commute. I often work Sundays and the train times have just changed so that the only train to where I work gets in 3 hours before my start time. What on earth am I supposed to do for 3 hours on a Sunday, especially as its getting colder now?
I asked DP if he will drive me - its about 18 miles from where we live. He says no as petrol is too expensive and he wants to change his car at the end of the year so is trying to keep his mileage down. I don't drive.
I'm 20 weeks pregnant and working 46-50 hour weeks. He works Monday-Friday 9-5. I often only have 1 day off a week (sometimes 2, sometimes none) and because of how my shifts fall, I can work 12 or 13 days in a row without a day off. I'm exhausted and I would quite like to not have to trudge round in the cold for 3 hours before my shift starts. AIBU?

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 13/09/2013 23:01

Does this mean he will drive you?

therewearethen · 13/09/2013 23:02

Sounds a bit mean, is money really that tight though that it would mean cutting back elsewhere to make up for the extra petrol?

MohammedLover · 13/09/2013 23:02

This could be one of many battles that await you. It might be worth spending some time reading sites based on assertiveness. Just because you are young it does not mean that your not worthy of consideration. Maybe your chap just needs a few prods in the right direction! Good luck with your pregnancy.

notallytuts · 13/09/2013 23:10

depends how long the drive takes? if its 18 miles along a motorway yanbu

if its not fast roads and would take say, 40mins, thats 2h40 of driving to do two round trips (presumably he wouldnt hang around in the cold whilst you work) - its not that unreasonable for him to not want to spend 2h40 doing something to save you 3 hours. is there not a coffee shop or somewhere you could sit with a book (and tell him to do some housework at home in the meantime!!)

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/09/2013 23:13

HolaGuapo, have just read your thread of last week.

You said there that "We're not that skint that we can't afford petrol for a day out, he's just a bit tight about paying loads for petrol in general." So this is most certainly not about money, it is about meanness. Meanness is a trait that tends to go beyond money - have a think, there almost certainly have been other incidents where he has displayed meanness. Not nice.

You were just moving in with him last week, where did you stay before? Can you go back?

WafflyVersatile · 13/09/2013 23:21

He may just have an irrational thing about petrol being expensive.

They are about to become a family and should be a partnership. In a partnership an hour or so of his time dedicated to the family income added to 35 hours per week he works has got to be worth sacrificing to save 3 hours off her time dedicated to the family income on top of 45-60 hours.

TalkativeJim · 13/09/2013 23:28

Hey, you know all those irritating things about being pregnant that you just have to suck up while your partner merrily carries on without a second thought... tiredness, achiness, carrying around a couple of extra stone, body changing permanently, stretch marks, possibly severe sickness, going through childbirth?

Well here's the ideal opportunity for your partner to get to make a sacrifice and suck something up. Hurrah! He gives you the lift - and shuts his mean little sulky penny-pinching mouth!

shouldistayorshouldagonooooooo · 13/09/2013 23:49

[shocked] what a tight cunt!

quoteunquote · 13/09/2013 23:53

Do I have this correct, He wants you at twenty week pregnant to wait around for three hours, to save a few miles on the clock, some petrol money, and his lie in?

I would go and stay with your grandparents indefinitely.

Keep a careful watch on your energy levels.

elcranko · 14/09/2013 00:09

Why on earth would anyone let their pregnant partner wander around in the cold for three hours for the sake of a couple of quid in petrol money? YADNBU OP. Hope he realises what a selfish arse he's being and sharpish.

Secretswitch · 14/09/2013 00:16

Honey, your are five months pregnant with his child and he can't be arsed to drive you to your job? I am with the other poster who said this cannot be the only instance of his selfishness. Stop and think about how is self involvement will affect you and your child. I feel very sad for you.

McNewPants2013 · 14/09/2013 00:31

I think you need to get a driving licence of your own.

Sorry to sound harsh, but there would be no way I expect DH after working a full week to get up and take me to work.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 14/09/2013 10:45

Even if the OP does get a driving licence, (assuming she can afford it!) it will take time for her to learn to drive, so what is she meant to do in the mean time?

DizzyPurple · 14/09/2013 11:01

He sounds totally selfish. It's a shame it's taken a row to get him to come round. Hopefully he'll be a bit more sympathetic. Doesn't sound like it should be a big deal for him. He's been working all week? Sounds like you are working really hard too. What is it he wants to do with the time he could be taking you? I often find driving in a car is a good time to have a chat without the usual distractions of life. Maybe put that angle to him - quality time together which it doesn't sound like you get much of now.

SquinkiesRule · 14/09/2013 11:13

He's a selfish arse and this isn't the first time. You need to get this sorted before the baby comes, or you will find he carries on life as before and you are let with all the burden trying to do the childminder drop on the bus and rushing to pick up etc, he needs to step up to the plate and be a man and more caring and considerate of someone who he claims to lone and who is carrying his child.

SquinkiesRule · 14/09/2013 11:14

Lone? Love is what I meant

marriedinwhiteisback · 14/09/2013 12:28

OP - in about 30 mins I'm going to collect my 18 year old son from about 10 miles away (difficult public transport route) because he stayed after a party last night. I'm doing that because I love him. I'm not saying that because I don't think your dp loves you but I wonder how well loved he has been and so doesn't know how to be caring and show love.

I wonder if you both need a little more love than you have evr received and whether this is the problem.

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