To want DP to take me to work

[HolaGuapo]

I get the train to work and this suits me fine - I pay for my season pass, and I quite enjoy the 15 minute commute. I often work Sundays and the train times have just changed so that the only train to where I work gets in 3 hours before my start time. What on earth am I supposed to do for 3 hours on a Sunday, especially as its getting colder now?
I asked DP if he will drive me - its about 18 miles from where we live. He says no as petrol is too expensive and he wants to change his car at the end of the year so is trying to keep his mileage down. I don't drive.
I'm 20 weeks pregnant and working 46-50 hour weeks. He works Monday-Friday 9-5. I often only have 1 day off a week (sometimes 2, sometimes none) and because of how my shifts fall, I can work 12 or 13 days in a row without a day off. I'm exhausted and I would quite like to not have to trudge round in the cold for 3 hours before my shift starts. AIBU?

Is he serious about the petrol/mileage excuse. He sounds completely thick that you would accept such a bizarre reason. I think you should learn to drive than be dependant on him.

Is it not possible to ask work if you can change your shifts? Obviously, not knowing what you do it's difficult to say, but would it be possible to either work your hours from when the train gets in, or, if they need later covering, perhaps do a long shift every fortnight and not on the alternate weeks, or maybe ask around if there is anyone else who might be able to give you a lift (even if dp dropped you at their house)?

I know it's fashionable on MN to throw hands up in horror if a man might ever question what his partner wants to do, but seriously (presuming you want fetching too?) 72miles is a lot of time as well as petrol which- unless you are on a very high hourly rate?- is something I wouldn't be too keen to take from the weekly/monthly budget if my dh asked.
If it's the only option in the end, then it's the only option, but I'd certainly talk to work first.

I feel for you, truly. I'm nearly 13 weeks and also work long hours. If my other half tried to pull this one, he'd get what for.

If it were me, out of sheer stubbornness I'd stick to my guns...either stay with the grandparents when it's practical or get a taxi...but only get a taxi if you share your cash. Alternatively, if you do the shopping etc, or even just pay for the shopping, reduce the budget and start skimping on the things he uses the most. After all, he's the one who wants to keep costs low.

Admittedly I'm quite a vindictive cow sometimes but if a man won't drive his pregnant missus to work because of the frigging petrol costs, he deserves whatever comes to him.

YANBU, he sounds like a twat.

Why is it him paying for petrol, surely it's both your money? Is he always this much of an uncaring idiot? What about when the baby arrives?

OP, I read your post and my immediate thought was, "What a fucking selfish bastard." My second thought was, "This isn't the only selfish thing he does."

What's he like the rest of the time, OP?

What a horrible selfish person, you are Pregnant and he is behaving like this. You haven't much to expect from him when the baby is here.

To be fair, I don't think either of you ABU. An 18 mile drive, could easily take 35 to 45 minutes each way, and will easily use a gallon of petrol. If money is tight this could be an issue (it would cause me problems). I think compromise is the key here, sometimes you get a lift, sometimes you stay over at grandparents and maybe approach your work to see if you could start your shift nearer the time the bus would get in.
Hope you can work it out.

If you weren't pregnant then I'd say YABU, but as you are I think you are entitled to expect lifts.

You need to learn to drive yourself if you want to travel by car.

It's got nothing to do with being pregnant as far as I am concerned. Putting money aside if that is an issue, it is about wanting to make someone's life that little bit easier because you love them and are sharing a life together.

What MrsRogerSterling just said sums it up.

Are you the same OP who was expected to go to the seaide last week squashed in the back of a car because you had to celebrate miL's birthday and year dp refused to take his car because of petrol costs/mileage.

Do you actually need to accept the shift?

Oh dear OP? This doesn't bode well. What are you going to do when you go into labour need to take the baby to a And e?

yes well said mrsroger

even if money is an issue... what you spend on petrol you'll save on train fare.. i mean fgs.
do you have any joint finances?

Whaaaat? He sounds horrible! TELL him that he MUST drive you!

To be fair, bundaberg, if OP has a season ticket the petrol is extra. And I do agree that if they're on a very tight budget this would be a problem, but I'm not getting that from OP's original post (and if she is the poster whose DP wanted her to sit in the middle of the back seat for a 4-hour drive, this is not about money being tight, this is about DP being an arse).

Can you get a bus? Where I live the bus service steps up on a sunday! Failing that, he should give you a lift!

Op, my husband would absolutely give me a lift under those circumstances. No way would he see me wandering around for three hours with nowt to do.
It wouldn't be an issue.

Your dh is mean.

18 miles on a bus? In the winter? Pregnant? NO way...her DH should drive her.

And that would be preggers or not.

YADNBU, my DH would do this without question and I'm not even pregnant.

I take my DH to work at 5am every morning to save him the 15minute bus journey in the cold. I then come back home go back to bed and get up at 7am to go to work.

Sorry but your DP sounds a bit mean

Hang on, it's not like this is every day. It's some Sundays.

My DH would drive me in pregnant or not, then have me wonder around for three hours.

I would suggest that you are put on your dh insurance and he teach you to drive - and use the Sunday drive as part of your practise.

Yanbu!

Yes I am the same OP who posted last weekend. Hmm seems to be a running theme here with DP and petrol costs! After an argument this evening he's agreed that he was unreasonable. Arghhh. The baby was unplanned and I'm very young in comparison to some people on this website. I turn to this site for advice sometimes because I don't know who else to go to. Thank you all.

Is there somewhere on the way that you could be dropped off and get a more frequent bus or train from there as a compromise?

"He says no as petrol is too expensive and he wants to change his car at the end of the year so is trying to keep his mileage down. I don't drive."
18 miles each way.
36 miles round trip.
Once a week (and not absolutely every week).
16 Sundays until the end of the year.
576 additional miles maximum driven by the end of the year.
36 miles/gallon achievable by most cars.
Petrol ranging from 132.9p/litre to 139.9p/litre = £6.05/gallon to £6.37/gallon.

There is nothing 'D' about your P that he values six quid and some of his oh-so-precious time above you spending three hours kicking your heels in the cold.

And 576 miles on the clock isn't going to make a hell of a lot of difference to the price he'll get for his car.

Don't go and stay with your grandparents on Saturdays. Go and stay with them permanently. The man is a complete tosser.