to stop reading to my daughter every night?

[stoopstofolly]

My DD is 8 years old (yr 3). She has had a bedtime story every night since she was about 6 months old. It has been lovely- a really nice experience for both of us.

At present I give my DS (3) a bath, do his story, then DD has a bath and her story. However, she now wants to start going to bed a bit later (currently she's in bed by about 7.30, story until 7.45, can read on her own until 8.15).

Now, my DH and I both work full time. He commutes, and only gets back about 8.00 ish, which leaves me doing 2 DC's dinner, bath and bed every evening, on my own. At present, after DD's story I start cooking our dinner, and we eat about 8.30. I then manage about an hour of TV/reading before collapsing in a heap and going to bed.

I understand that DD would like to stay up later, and she's only asking for another 15-30 mins BUT if she does this, am I unreasonable to say that she can't have me reading a story to her as well? She's a very good independent reader, and I've said that myself/DH will still read to her at weekends, just not in the week.
Apparently this makes me the worst mother in the world, and is proof that I like DS more "because HE'S still getting a story".

I was holding firm, but then a read an article in the paper about how children benefit for being read to even as they get older, and I'm feeling guilty. What age did you all stop reading to your DC?

I'm going to go against the grain an tell you to give yourself a break and either drop the story or do it as normal but she has her bedtime 15-30 mins after her story.

If you ask DD2 (now 16), she will tell you that she wishes I had read her bedtime stories when she was 8,9,10. I stopped because I was running a business and I seriously thought those 10-15 minutes of my time could be spent more productively. I still feel bad about it now. DD1 asked me to stop when she was about 6 or 7, because she liked listening to story tapes or reading to herself.

DS is nearly 5, and can't read more than a few words, although he loves looking at books. As a pre-schooler he was rubbish about going to bed, and even the promise of a story didn't stop him mucking about, so I gave up bedtime reading and just left him with his books. Since he started school, though, he has been brilliant about bedtime, and story time has made a comeback.

Spag bol isn't a full meal??

Jesus. People are going on about reading time as if it were brushing teeth or getting adequate protein in the diet.

I read with my two youngest because they have speech and language issues. I do this early in the evening, before dinner, when they're alert. The oldest is an advanced reader. I bribe him to read challenging books on his own. Later, I cuddle him and talk about whatever.

There's a need for attention, sure, but it can be other things, at other times.

And being a knackered mummy martyr is stupid. There's nothing wrong wanting time to do what you want to do for yourself,

Can your husband help with the reading? Granted he gets in late but you have been busy at home with the kids and haven't stopped wither.

Maybe your husband could read to one while you read to the other and you could swap round

I never read to my children at night beyond the baby books when they were small. I hate reading out loud. My DH on the other hand loves it to the point when he worked away from home for a period he took the book with him and read it out over the phone.

I think reading a book at the weekend to your DD is a good compromise as you could do it in the morning when you are not tired and give her longer.

Katy - it is like getting adequate protein and brushing teeth.

it's not just the body that needs to be looked after, the mind needs it too

anyway, can you do it at any other time?

or even get audio books?
reading together while eating dinner is relaxing. DH and I do this sometimes.

YABU - it's valuable 1-2-1 time with her.
I would still read to dd1 now if she let me , she is 18!

I've just met DD1 for lunch in a really shit Asian fusion chain . That's 'our' time. Reading a book is a whole lot cheaper!!

I am going to disagree with majority and say exhausted parents whose time together is suffering, is not good for kids either.

I woukd compromise and read to her before bath, so you still get downstairs at the same time.

I'm the eldest of three and both my parents worked, so the full bedtime routine was an epic production.

They stopped reading to me when I was able to read a book all the way through by myself. (It was Little House in the Big Woods, I still remember).

I don't blame my parents in the least for "cutting corners" where they could. As a result of their neglect I became a voracious reader, and so did my Dsis. Only way to stave off the boredom.

Baby DBro not so much. Rents still reading to him in double figures and couldn't understand why he was so reluctant to read independently .

nickel

There's no substitute for tooth brushing or protein. There are plenty of ways to intellectually and emotionally nourish a kid. Reading to them isn't some sacred thing.

Katy - as a bookseller by trade and a booklover by heart, I'm really going to have to disagree on you with this

stoops - what about reading to both your DS and your DD at the same time?
It doesn't matter if your DD ends up hearing a simpler book - it might even be a way to encourage her to read, if she feels like she's helping out, or sharing something lovely with her brother.

then as they both get older, you can make the books harder earlier.

It doesn't mean you have to do two storytimes, but it does mean that DD doesn't miss out. :)

(former children's laureate Anthony Browne thinks that picture books are just as important for older children, and Michael Rosen feels that reading together is such an important thing to do)

Maybe we should all spend twenty minutes a day dancing or walking with the kids. And another twenty minutes singing and playing music! Surely these are beneficial activities, and we all are being very unreasonable to not do them!

tbh at 8yr reading till 8.15ish herself is fine and i dont think needs to go to bed any later during school nights, but maybe can stay up 30mins later at weekends

if you like reading together and want/happy for her to go to bed later then i would read dd a story at normal time and allow later reading/playing quietly in room, but upstairs away from you/dh so you still get time together to chill

maybe they can have for tea whatever you had the night before, so cook once and reheat for them following night/also saving time

as a nanny if i put to bed then all dc (had 3) 5.5yr,and 8yrs would get a story but now they have the choice of one story together or extra tv and no story - sometimes one would have tv and then come up 10mins later, other times all had story and to bed

Good Lord.

My recent post was not direct at you, nickel. You said we'd have to agree to disagree., with a smiley face, and I left it at that.

Not everything is about you.

There's no need to go off on foul rants. And if you're having such a terrible day that you can't stand someone having a differing opinion, then maybe AIBU isn't where you should be right now.

I agree reading is important. I disagree that it means we have to read TO children, at bedtime, every day.

If you follow everything you read by so called experts you'll go mad. Give yourself a break OP and read when you can. I've got 14 and 11 yr old and stopped reading to them... oooh... ages ago when they could read competently (as in Harry Potter-esque type books). One's at a grammar, the other at a mixed sex comp in the top sets. If you're a household which has adults who read (and the kids can see you do so) you'll be fine.

Can't you keep your reading time as it is but let her keep the light on for an extra 15 minutes so she can read to herself longer? Or is it staying up longer that she wants? If the latter then can you read downstairs with her at the same time as normal and let her then watch 15 mins TV while you start dinner, before she goes to bed and reads to herself?

yes, actually, today everything is about me.

Well, alrighty then.