to stop reading to my daughter every night?

[stoopstofolly]

My DD is 8 years old (yr 3). She has had a bedtime story every night since she was about 6 months old. It has been lovely- a really nice experience for both of us.

At present I give my DS (3) a bath, do his story, then DD has a bath and her story. However, she now wants to start going to bed a bit later (currently she's in bed by about 7.30, story until 7.45, can read on her own until 8.15).

Now, my DH and I both work full time. He commutes, and only gets back about 8.00 ish, which leaves me doing 2 DC's dinner, bath and bed every evening, on my own. At present, after DD's story I start cooking our dinner, and we eat about 8.30. I then manage about an hour of TV/reading before collapsing in a heap and going to bed.

I understand that DD would like to stay up later, and she's only asking for another 15-30 mins BUT if she does this, am I unreasonable to say that she can't have me reading a story to her as well? She's a very good independent reader, and I've said that myself/DH will still read to her at weekends, just not in the week.
Apparently this makes me the worst mother in the world, and is proof that I like DS more "because HE'S still getting a story".

I was holding firm, but then a read an article in the paper about how children benefit for being read to even as they get older, and I'm feeling guilty. What age did you all stop reading to your DC?

One meal made at dinner time for the kids which can be reheated, both kids bathed together/same time. Story read between the both of them then eldest gets to stay up to see dad while dinner is being reheated.

I can see why your DD might want a separate bath, but don't cook two dinners. The kids will benefit from eating what the adults eat, and even sometimes eating with you. Also, if it's acceptable to tell a child "this house is not a cafe and you'll eat what you're given," surely this is even more applicable to an adult, who can get his own if need be (whereas children are more dependent)! Surely time together talking (even shagging!) can be just as good quality time as sitting hunched over a table, with conversation punctuated and broken up by mouthfuls as you're both so bloody hungry by then?

DS is 9 going on 10 and he doesn't want a story read by me anymore but he does want a chat, he goes upstairs and gets himself ready for bed, I pop to see him or about 15 mins chat then he reads to himself for quite a while, usually an hour or two!

I think it's important you keep the quiet, end of day time together, do it before DH gets home, it doesn't stop her from being allowed to have a later 'lights out' time, not does it need to stop you spending the time with DH.

Your routine sounds like a lit if work, and you would probably all be happier if you changed things to meet the needs of everyone in the family. Start with the things each person needs and work out how everyone can get as much of that as possible. So you want adult time with no housework after, say, 8:30pm. DD wants a bedtime story and a later bedtime. DH wants time to unwind after work and time with you.

Maybe cut out the baths? Mine get a bath twice a week? Or replace with showers at night/straight after school/in the morning. 2 dinners is crazy - one dinner for the whole family, made up of a mixture if slow-cooker meals (bulk cooked with the rest frozen for later), quick meals involving v. little cooking (eg omelettes and unprepared salad, salmon from the freezer with frozen stir-fry veg) and a mid-week ready meal/takeaway/ night where DH cooks and you eat the leftovers the next day.

You read DD her story earlyish and she gets to read/play quietly in her room until lights out.

Take what works for all of you, and throw out the rest

I have a 6 and 3 yo who still have baths together. I understand at 8 she might prefer to bathe alone.

But I bath them every other night. I used to bath them every night but eventually gave in to their dad who is lazy who is now their sahp and essentially couldn't be faffed giving them a bath every night.

He was right though damn. They do not turn into horrible squirming dirtboxes on the day they do not have a bath. They do however get more time to chill out either playing, reading, or just mucking about. It's nice, try it.

I second the "eat with the kids at 6 and give DH a reheated portion": Or could he do story time? Why are you cooking twice???

I do think they need a daily bath by the way, DS is getting quite smelly now when he doesn't. BUT, it is mostly showers rather than baths and I play no part in it anymore beyond issuing an instruction to go have a shower! So this side of it should definitely get better soon (in terms of time gobbling) if you try to encourage more independence in that department.
(Or am I going to be told now that he is too young to shower/get ready for bed independently? I don't think so)

Cut the bathtimes down -- children that age don't need a bath every day. And your dd is also old enough to shower herself. you could keep an eye on her to start with but she should manage happily very quickly.

Friends of ours would have a family reading session each evening and take it in turns to read a page/chapter to everyone else and the little ones would get to listen. I thought it was a lovely idea. Story time all in one go, they have 4 kids, the big ones still get read to but also get to practise reading outloud.

We kept reading to our eldest until he asked us to stop. Will do the same with his little brother.

It is really important to still read to children that can read themselves.

Why doesn't your DH read to her as soon as he gets in at 8 while you make dinner. Seems perfect to me.

We still read to our 11 yr old! (taking turns). It seems a bit odd, but she really likes it and it's a nice way to have some calm time together at the end of the day. On the other hand, we don't normally read to our 9 yr old as he's not that fussed.

And I agree that they don't need baths every night, but I'm mnot sure that helps so much with the timings.

I have cut down on bedtime reading too OP - it makes the evening so long. We always have a book on the go, but my dds are only 2 years apart so it's the same one. If we are running late or I'm really tired, I just don't do it. Sometimes I read a bit earlier, but I'd say my kids get a bedtime story 3/4 times a week.

When you are run ragged, something has to give.

oh, and please don't lose yourself in all this! It was only when my kids were older that I reclaimed anything I wanted to do and it was a revelation. Even ten minutes reading the book YOU want is helpful.

Found this thread really interesting as DD is 8 and I was beginning to wonder when her bedtime story might stop, particularly as it stretches beyond 8.30pm now and I have to fit the housework into evenings. So I do sympathise with the OP (and totally agree with the comments about baths/2 meals etc)

She's not a particularly keen reader but I've been encouraging taking turns at bedtime so we read a chapter a night (currently a bloody Rainbow Magic fairy book) sharing the reading a page at a time. She did moan the other night though when, just through circumstance, she'd gone a couple of nights without a story so I think I'll be doing it for a while yet.

Haven't read all the replies, but I think its really important too. I have 2 x 8 yr olds (Yr 4) and 1 x 4 yr old (just started Reception). H is often not home until 8ish. There are some nights when it doesn't happen for all 3 of them just because of other activities - DS didn't get home from Cubs last night until 8.10 so he went straight to bed with just a cuddle (no reading) so for me personally, I wouldn't choose to drop it on any other night. Also, hand on heart, its 10 mins for each child, they can read by themselves later. Might be me listening to them read, might be me doing a page, them doing a page etc. Its always 1 to 1.

If you're struggling for time, can you listen to them read before tea (just for 5-10mins) and then at bedtime, if you like reading to them, its another 5-10 mins with each child rather than foregoing it completely? I also would be knocking bathtime on the head every night (surely she's not that dirty every day ?)

I also wouldn't be cooking separately for you & your H - I do one meal for all of us. I sometimes each with the children (I plate up H's dinner and will heat it up & sit with him when he gets home) or I will plate up both of our meals and heat them up after the children have gone together. Its too much to start cooking again once the children are in bed.

I've stopped reading to my 8 year old twins as they use the time to wind each other up, don't listen to story and are generally a pain. They listen to a CD and that works for us. I tend to read while they are in the bath (seperately). Do what works for you and your evening. You could read to her before her bath. I know what it's like to get

Oops to do 2 meals and bedtime on my own every night. It's a pain.

Why can't you keep your routine as it is, except your DD goes into bed to read to herself after her bath until her dad gets home, and then he can do her story while you sort your meal out.

But yes for goodness sake stop cooking twice. I can absolutely understand that you want to eat with your DH, but surely most evenings you could make something like bolognaise or a curry or casserole that just needs some veg doing and a reheat rather than starting from scratch?

I haven't read all the replies bu ds1 (nearly 8) came home with a reading book that we have been requested to read to him over the next fortnight as part of a new scheme called 'Keep on Reading'. The aim of the scheme is to help families to continue to read together, so I would say yabu as the schools still see it as important. Even a five minute story is better than nothing.

A lot of wisdom here! Thanks for all the replies . I do think that I need to losen up the routine, keep the bedtime reading MOST nights (unless I'm too exhausted) but get DH doing it/ read earlier etc... Think DD could start bathing herself as well and taking a bit more responsibility. She's be OK with a bath every other day- but DS comes back from nursery CAKED in gunge! Someone mentioned their older child tidying up while they were doing the little one- what a good idea! Give her some responsibility in return for pocket money and a later bedtime. I think I've just been so "head down, soldier on" about this that I was no longer seeing the wood for the trees.

I know 2 dinners seems foolish, but both children eat large school/ nursery lunches, and don't want (and won't eat) a full meal in the evening. When I say I "cook" for them, it's usually spag bol/ fishcakes and beans/ soup and bread with yogurt and fruit for pudding. Not enough for DH and I who have quick lunches with sandwiches and are greedy foodies!
I'm going to trial the New, Improved, Less -Uptight- About- Her- Routine- Stoopstofolly tonight. DD's head likely to explode!

God yes, if she's old enough to stay up later then she's old enough to get herself ready for bed (shower, pjs, teeth). Have been training 7 year old ds1 in this ready to 'go solo' age 8. He'll still get a bedtime story though - sharing a book's totally different from reading to yourself.

please don't stop doing the storytime with her.

it's important to keep reading together up, for all sorts of reasons.

Yabu. I wish my own DM had read to me for longer :-(

no op you are fine to do what suits you and your family.

I didn't read religiously to mine when they could read themselves as it became a ritualistic chore.

instead we ALL shared a story/games/ etc at the weekend and in holiday.

mummy martyrs are a pita. you need time too.

my 4 read fine, 24,23,14,13...

Didn't realise kids were still read to at 8, 9 etc.
I started reading to myself in bed when I could read Peter and Jane etc. so 5ish. I have no memory of being read to but know I was.