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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You don't have a drinks party the same night as a slumber party

66 replies

Atavistic · 12/09/2013 19:40

My DD is invited, along with 4 other class mates, to a sleepover in another 8 year olds house. Another mum, not a mother of one of the sleep over girls, has texted me to ask am I going there for drinks tomorrow night. She received a text today, from the host mum, inviting her to a drinks party there ( women only) the same night as the sleepover.

I think this is really odd. Am I overprotective? My DD woke up upset and crying the last time she stayed. It's not the child's birthday, and the Mum doesn't drink. I really don't want to start WWIII, but I will really have to go against my gut instinct not to cancel.

I really need to count the votes. AIBU?

OP posts:
DawnOfTheDee · 12/09/2013 19:56

They are 8. So mum does not need to be hovering over them, making them 'her priority'. She'd only be needed really if there's an emergency and she will be there, sober.

So she's in a different part of the house....well, i'd kind of expect her to be. And you say 'large house' as if she'll be in a different wing or something. I really don't see the issue here.

YABU.

Original poster
Atavistic · 12/09/2013 19:57

When my DD went for her 1st sleepover there, last year,DH and I went out, as we had a babysitter booked for the other DC anyway. We met the host Mum in the restaurant- she had left the girls with her house keeper. I think I've wondered about her since then.

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 12/09/2013 19:58

Do they live in a mansion?

Would you expect to be near 8 yo at all times if they have friends over? The further away the better i would think.

Yonionekanobe · 12/09/2013 19:59

They're 8. I really don't see the problem.

Do you hover over your child's friends all the time when they come to play? Surely they'll expect to be in a different part of the house?

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 12/09/2013 19:59

She will, however, be in a totally different part of a large house
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, haha ha ha ha ha hahaha

sorry op

littlewhitebag · 12/09/2013 20:01

You seem to be dead set on her not attending OP. I am sure her housekeeper was very lovely and well able to care for the girls.

One of my DD's once went for a sleepover and the friends mum and dad both went out for dinner and left them with a babysitter. I didn't know this in advance but it was fine. If the babysitter was good enough for her kids then she was good enough for mine.

DawnOfTheDee · 12/09/2013 20:02

But this time you know she'll definitely be in. Because of the drinks party you're not invited to.....

BoundandRebound · 12/09/2013 20:04

They're 8

AcrylicPlexiglass · 12/09/2013 20:04

Plus, if the other girl lives with her dad as well as her mum maybe he can look after the kids if the women only drinks party turns into a drunken rave. If the girl has 2 mums or the mum is single this would not apply of course.

cardibach · 12/09/2013 20:05

As Yoni says, it is no different from children falling asleep at a family/friends type gathering - I did this as a child and so has DD. And in those cases, there often wasn't a completely sober person.

YABU. Ifyou are worried about whether your DD will cope, develop a strategy, don't try to control the hosts!

TeenAndTween · 12/09/2013 20:05

If my 8 year old was invited for a sleepover I would expect to be told if there was an adults drinks party planned for the same night. I owuld also expect host to be present. YANBU.

SmallTorch · 12/09/2013 20:05

This is what we do every new year!

waltzingmathilda · 12/09/2013 20:06

My DD woke up upset and crying the last time she stayed.

I do have to ask why she was invited again.

AcrylicPlexiglass · 12/09/2013 20:07

She has a housekeeper? In that case it will be fine even if the mum and her mates get pie eyed.

Original poster
Atavistic · 12/09/2013 20:08

Yes, it's a substantial house, there are staff and extended family, and I suppose it's all just alien to me. The mum works all the hours, and is very successful at business, so I think she likes to cram in alot when she's not working.
No, absolutely, I don't hover over children when the come here. But I don't organise drinks parties at the same time either.
But I'm very glad I asked. I'm considered the be a very relaxed mother around here, but maybe people are very precious in my neck of the woods. I still think it is very odd.

OP posts:
squoosh · 12/09/2013 20:09

I don't see the big deal to be honest, 'drinks' doesn't mean 'downing litres of vodka'. Plus the host Mum won't even be drinking.

And there's a housekeeper?

YABU.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 12/09/2013 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigTillyMint · 12/09/2013 20:12

Wow! They have staff?Shock

We often used to have all our children upstairs sleeping over together when friends came round for dinner and vice-versa. We were all drinking, but none of us live in mansions so we could hear what they were up to. Was that irresponsible?

AnyoneforTurps · 12/09/2013 20:15

If it's the mothers of the other girls, the "party" will, at most, be one sober hostess and 4 women who may have a drink but are hardly likely to get off their faces on a vodka and crack-fuelled binge, given that their kids are there and at least half will probably be driving. What exactly do you expect to happen?

Family life is supposed to be fun, not some hair-shirted competition over who can be the biggest martyr. A sleepover with drinks for the (non-driving) mums sounds like a great idea.

Back2Two · 12/09/2013 20:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Original poster
Atavistic · 12/09/2013 20:21

We have friends with kids over to our house all the time. New Year, BBQs etc. Everybody drinks, kids fall asleep etc.

All those kids are with their parents, and it's their parents choice. It is not the same thing. I do think she should tell the sleepover parents. Isn't it strange not to?

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 12/09/2013 20:24

Is the Mum Xenia?

BackforGood · 12/09/2013 20:30

Amberleaf That's brilliant Grin

OP - YABU, I genuinely can't see the problem (even before you started mentioning 'staff' ) and even before you mentioned the fact that the Mum doesn't drink.

justmyview · 12/09/2013 20:32

If I sent my DD to a friend's house for a sleepover, I'd expect parent(s) to be there, unless I'd been told otherwise in advance.

I would be OK with the parent(s) having a couple of pals over for a drink on the same evening. In fact it sounds like fun. If you don't want to go, can I take your place? I'd love to go to the sort of house that's big enough to need staff

OldBagWantsNewBag · 12/09/2013 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.