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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my dh should be the one sleeping in the spare room?

44 replies

Wilberforce2 · 12/09/2013 13:34

My dh is an awful snorer it is just so loud and wakes me up several times during the night, we recently went away on holiday and even my 5 year old was complaining that his Dad's snoring was waking him up.

I am 20 weeks pregnant and even more of a light sleeper than I already was, two nights ago he woke me up 5 times with his snoring so I eventually got up and went to the spare bed. Last night I asked him to go to the spare room so I could sleep in my own bed and he refused because he said I am the one who has the problem with his snoring, it doesn't bother him so I should go to the spare room. We ended up in a huge argument and yes I ended up in the spare room! AIBU to think he s the one with the problem so he should sleep in there? He has said that when the baby comes he will go in there because he used to wake our son with his snoring but not before.

Not a great problem I know but I want to know whether I should stand my ground tonight or just go off to the spare room?!

OP posts:
MrsMcEnroe · 12/09/2013 13:38

Next time he wakes you up with his snoring, record him.

Then see if he things you are being unreasonable in having a problem it's his snoring!

In the meantime - I'm on the fence. He isn't snoring deliberately BUT as he is going to move to the spare room when the baby is born there is an argument for saying that he may as well do it now ....!

Does he have a medical condition which causes the snoring? Is he overweight?

MrsMcEnroe · 12/09/2013 13:39

Gah sorry about the typos in my post!

Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 12/09/2013 13:43

Thanks for the reply Mrs M, he isn't over weight, is fairly fit and doesn't have any medical problems (as far as we know). He used to snore terribly after having a drink which was hardly ever so I could handle it but now it's every night and driving me mad! Me and ds recorded him when we were on holiday and both awake at 4am but he just became all stroppy when presented with it the next day and said that it isn't his fault. Sleeping in the spare room isn't a hardship but I like my own bed!

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 12/09/2013 13:49

Well aside from being considerate to his pregnant wife I would also want him to be looking into what's causing the snoring so he can fix it. What are you supposed to do, have the whole family kept awake with his snoring for the rest of your lives?

I know he can't help snoring, but he can try and do something about it.

Would separate bedrooms work? Get a nice new bed for spare room and do it up as a nice cosy bedroom for one of you.

Rollermum · 12/09/2013 13:50

I'd say YANBU. Had the exact same situation with DH and he has slept in spare room for most of my pregnancy. He sleeps like a log and could sleep on a bed nails whereas I'm an insomniac at the best of times let alone when pregnant - so seemed fairer I'd have the comfort on own room and bigger bed. I feel bad about it but say thanks a lot.

squoosh · 12/09/2013 13:51

'Last night I asked him to go to the spare room so I could sleep in my own bed and he refused because he said I am the one who has the problem with his snoring, it doesn't bother him so I should go to the spare room.'

No offence OP but he sounds like a selfish wanker. It is impossible to put into words the frustration a person feels by being kept awake by a snorer.

It's one thing having a snoring problem, it's another thing entirely refusing to do something about it. I'd be incandescent.

Yorkieaddict · 12/09/2013 13:57

I am not sure about who should sleep where, but I certainly think he should be making a trip to his GP to see what can be done about the snoring, it sounds like a nightmare!

MrsMcEnroe · 12/09/2013 14:08

Yes, he should definitely be looking into the cause of his snoring, and as he has previously refused to do so I am now off the fence and I say YANBU!!

Original poster
Wilberforce2 · 12/09/2013 16:01

Thank you! Will definitely be showing him this tonight because I really do think he needs to do something about it, he flat out refuses to go to the doctor but it's not going to get better on it's own.

OP posts:
SkinnybitchWannabe · 12/09/2013 16:02

My OH snores like a pig..I kicked him out my room years ago! Hes just been diognosed with sleep apoena so is going to a sleeo clinic this weekend.
I would ask your OH to go to the doctors because it's not just overweight people who suffer from it.
My OH had to wear a finger monitor thingie which proved he does literally stop breathing during the night.
I hope your OH does get checked out

JoinYourPlayfellows · 12/09/2013 16:03

What a prince among men making his pregnant wife decamp to the spare room because he keeps waking her up with his snoring.

Chippednailvarnish · 12/09/2013 16:04

Every time he wakes you up, wake him up. He'll soon move.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 12/09/2013 16:07

YANBU! Also PG and on the off chance that DH snores, I wake him up and make him move to the spare bed. Yes, it's not his fault he snores, but neither is it mine and I need my sleep to ensure the healthiest start for the new baby.

wilkos · 12/09/2013 16:07

I totally sympathise Sad I have no idea why most snorers get so belligerent about their snoring. My exDh was the same, used to wake me with hideous snoring 4 or 5 times a night.. he was such a total bastard about it and used to get really angry with me for waking him up Angry

MrsMangoBiscuit · 12/09/2013 16:13

I understand it's not his fault he snores, but it sure as hell isn't yours either! In his shoes I'd be offering to sleep in the spare room to ensure my pregnant wife was getting enough sleep. If he doesn't like sleeping in the spare room, perhaps you could alternate. It's certainly not fair that you have to sleep in the spare room all the time. I also agree with everyone who says he needs to speak to his GP.

FWIW I'm also pregnant and DH is an awful snorer at times. Not overweight, healthy, rarely drinks, but just some nights he snores like a thing possessed! I've taken to yelling "SHUT UP!!" at him, which I can now do without waking fully. Grin

MaxPepsi · 12/09/2013 16:18

I sleep in the 'spare' room becuase DH snores. Whilst he sleeps in 'our' room.

However, the spare is actually mine as I have all my stuff in there. It also has the comfier bed and the better duvet.

It suits us me He is however fully aware his snoring is loud and has sought medical attention, which didn't make a difference!

ilovepowerhoop · 12/09/2013 16:22

www.britishsnoring.co.uk/snoring/what_can_i_do_to_stop_snoring.php - I used to get ear plugs from here. Dh's snoring improved once he lost weight and had an operation on his nose for a deviated septum.

DuelingFanjo · 12/09/2013 16:22

Can you dismantle your bed and put it in the spare room?
Then sleep in the spare room.

That's what I wold do.
Or buy a new bed and bedding and make myself a really lovely space in the spare room.

quoteunquote · 12/09/2013 16:35

What did the doctor say when he went in and asked what can be done about it?

cathpip · 12/09/2013 16:37

If it were me I would thump/kick him hard every time you are woken by his snoring and then quite innocently say when he gets cross " I'm sorry but I can't help my involuntary muscle spasms, but if it bothers you you could always sleep in the spare room" see how he likes it! :)

eltsihT · 12/09/2013 16:41

I slept in the spare room when I was pregnant. I was the on with the problem. Would start the night in my own bed. When I got woken up by dh being too hot, or by my tiny bladder or by heartburn. I would simply go through to the other room. Tbh I agree with your partner.

The only reason for not sleeping in the spare room I can see would be quality of bed. I wouldn't have been sleeping on a pull out bed at 40wks

FrenchRuby · 12/09/2013 16:46

It is impossible to put into words the frustration a person feels by being kept awake by a snorer

This is so true. I'm a really light sleeper (you might remember my thread about my OHs coral tank keeping me up) and its just so so so frustrating to be just falling to sleep then suddenly SNORE once that happens I cannot get back to sleep. But DH knows I gets annoyed and offers to go sleep elsewhere.
He should be sleeping in the spare room, you're pregnant and he is being selfish.

FreckleyGirlAbroad · 12/09/2013 16:52

I should really keep quiet here as the site is totally on the other foot. I'm pregnant too but I'm the snorer in our relationship! I always have scored a little but since getting pregnant I now sound like a "hippopotamus on heat" I think was the exact description. Even with ear plugs dh cannot sleep any where near me but he has always got up and gone to the spare room and would never dream of making me go. We're both crossing fingers that my snoring calms down once the baby comes!!!!

HatieKokpins · 12/09/2013 16:55

Earplugs. This is a great place for them: www.snorestore.co.uk/ (our neighbours complain about my OH's snoring)

treas · 12/09/2013 17:00

Sorry I agree with your dh - you have the issue - you move.

In the same way that if he had a problem with your baby bump kicking and keeping him awake then he should move because that would be his issue not yours.