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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my dh should be the one sleeping in the spare room?

44 replies

Wilberforce2 · 12/09/2013 13:34

My dh is an awful snorer it is just so loud and wakes me up several times during the night, we recently went away on holiday and even my 5 year old was complaining that his Dad's snoring was waking him up.

I am 20 weeks pregnant and even more of a light sleeper than I already was, two nights ago he woke me up 5 times with his snoring so I eventually got up and went to the spare bed. Last night I asked him to go to the spare room so I could sleep in my own bed and he refused because he said I am the one who has the problem with his snoring, it doesn't bother him so I should go to the spare room. We ended up in a huge argument and yes I ended up in the spare room! AIBU to think he s the one with the problem so he should sleep in there? He has said that when the baby comes he will go in there because he used to wake our son with his snoring but not before.

Not a great problem I know but I want to know whether I should stand my ground tonight or just go off to the spare room?!

OP posts:
squoosh · 12/09/2013 17:02

Treas what an utterly ridiculous thing to say. OP isn't the one snoring, OP shouldn't be the one forced to move.

You sound like an entitled snorer.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 12/09/2013 17:05

The issue she has is that she's pregnant and not sleeping well because her husband's snoring keeps her awake.

Nice husbands don't make their pregnant wives sleep in the spare room.

DuelingFanjo · 12/09/2013 17:15

Earplugs just don't work, do they?
They never have for me.
I once resorted to wearing my DS's ear defenders. Even they don't block out snoring.

HatieKokpins · 12/09/2013 17:18

They work for me, and that's all I really care about. I did have to try several different kinds before I found the ones that worked for me though - the shitty ones you get in Boots and the like sure don't work, that's true.

ilovepowerhoop · 12/09/2013 17:21

Mine worked too - the ones from the british snoring website above

Whereisegg · 12/09/2013 17:22

Oh I feel for you op!

My dp snores so loudly and I drive a lot got my job so really struggle with broken nights.

When I start getting really bleary eyed or tearful (yes, it's that bad) he won't even come to bed, just sleeps on the sofa as we don't have a spare room.
After he's done that a few times (the man can sleep anywhere) then I'll take a turn downstairs, but I'm not pregnant.

I agree with pp, if he really won't move, then revamp the spare room!

AngryFeet · 12/09/2013 17:27

Are you saying the reason he snores more is because he is drinking every evening?

SimplyRedHead · 12/09/2013 17:27

The exhaustion of pregnancy is indescribable.
The incandescent rage of listening to snoring is indescribable.
The need for comfort and sleep when pregnant is indescribable.

Your DH is being a tosser.

Set his alarm to go off every 40 mins all night and see how he feels in the morning. Repeat for 3 nights and he'll be begging to go into the spare room!

MelanieCheeks · 12/09/2013 17:29

Meh, it's an issue, find a solution, doesn't matter what the solution is, try not to get into an I'm right you're wrong battle

WhitesandsofLuskentyre · 12/09/2013 19:35

Now that DD is at college I sleep in her room. I snore and DP is an insomniac. The arguments have stopped because midnight decamping to the sofa isn't necessary.

HollyShort · 12/09/2013 19:41

If you have an iPhone/pad you can download apps that automatically record snoring and noise. It may highlight to your H how serious the problem is.

I found out that I have bizarre conversations in my sleep Blush.

OrlaNuttin · 12/09/2013 19:42

I agree with MelanieCheeks - don't get into a battle about it. You're tired and emotional, he's probably embarrassed and also tired (snoring plays merry hell with the snorer's quality of sleep too). What's so bad about your spare room that neither of you want to go in there?!

MarjorieProops · 12/09/2013 19:49

I put up with OH's snoring for years. I say put up with, but really every night brought lack of sleep for both of us and then him being told to bugger off to the sofa. He also twitched and fidgeted in his sleep. I had ear plugs, but if someone snores properly, then they will not work. Eventually, I gave up 'trying' to share the bed with him and he agreed to sleep in another room. I still had to wear ear plugs and he was at the other end of the house - in fact, his snoring made the house vibrate!

Then, at last a doctor actually listened and sent him to a sleep clinic for monitoring. They found he had sleep apnoea and stopped breathing in his sleep and the lovely people gave him a sleep apnoea machine. Now there is NO SNORING and fidgeting and we sleep in the same bed again. Peace reigns again!

spindlyspindler · 12/09/2013 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jolleigh · 12/09/2013 21:25

Feel your pain completely. I'm pregnant and with a partner who snores like an elephant. My insomnia is much worse with all the hormones and when I do sleep it's very light.

So, I'm bloody knackered! I cope by waking him up every time he wakes me. It doesn't stop his snoring...he falls asleep and snores again instantly after. But it does help in the sense that he realises the next day how bad a night I must have had.

We don't have a spare room though...we've moved house just to get a nursery. He should definitely be offering to sleep in the spare at least for a few nights a week so you can recharge your batteries.

I'd suggest taking turns. Unless you're HEAVILY (25+ weeks) pregnant, in which case he should just man up and move.

alltoomuchrightnow · 13/09/2013 11:36

so which earplugs actually do work? because those foam ones (both the cone shaped and the cylinder ones) and wax moulded ones, do bugger all. and fall out. I need something to drown out ALL sound

WhitesandsofLuskentyre · 13/09/2013 13:40

I've looked into getting a proper mandibular device (one that has a phenomenal success rate, not the ones you can mould yourself - what a bloody waste of money that was), but was quoted over £1300 Shock. As DP said: 'cheaper to have a spare room'.

I've had nasal surgery, used Breathe-Right strips, sprays, even the tape that tapes your mouth shut! I refuse to have my uvula cut out. Oh, and even at my fittest and slimmest I snore.

Whenever I get up to go to 'my' room and DP pleads 'no, stay here', I refuse, saying I can't keep myself awake so that he can get to sleep first (this is where his insomnia is a problem - it takes him nearly an hour to fall asleep; it takes me minutes), and I feel exhausted the next day if I fall asleep and then he keeps jolting me awake.

I've had enough of the midnight sweary rants (I've got children, so I know what sleep deprivation does to people's mood, so I understand he is driven to the edge of reason with my snoring), so now it looks like I'm in a bed on my own for the rest of my life. Oh well.

FreckleyGirlAbroad · 15/09/2013 13:09

I've just thought, with my snoring being so bad, how unpopular I'm going to be on the maternity ward (here it's 4 women to a room). Do you reckon I could try it as an excuse to get my own room????? The other women are going to hate me!!!!

MrsOakenshield · 15/09/2013 13:14

no, it isn't his fault that he snores. It is his fault if he won't get it looked into, though.

When I was travelling a few years back I had a snorer in 90% of shared dorms I stayed in - and most of them were women. It was a fucking nightmare.

If you snore - go to the GPs and get it looked into!

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