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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want dp to clear up after mil

55 replies

muddyprints · 11/09/2013 21:34

mil and fil visit weekly and when they leave im left with a mess, which is getting worse.
mil is messy,dirty and doesn't care for anything.
in our house we take off shoes and ils always have, over past 3-4 weeks mil has stopped removing her shoes, she doesn't wipe her feet and literally leaves dirt on the floor.
she went to the toilet and didn't move dd2s step stool (thankfully the trainer seat wasn't on) and left wee on the seat and step stool and floor.
she took her cardigan off and shook it and folded it on arm of chair leaving collection of dog hair and mess.
she holds her teacup loosely over one finger so it hangs and frequently spills on the carpet.
she leaves dirty fingerprints on the doors on her way in.
I dread her eating anything as she wont use a plate, sits with her legs open and pushes crumbs onto the floor.
when she puts her teacup down she spills tea over pictures on fire.

she is the same at home, thinks nothing of spilling tea and rubbing it into carpet which is dirty and covered in hair. throws the dog ball up the newly wallpapered walls.

aibu to want dp to either tell his mom to take off her shoes, clean up her wee and be careful with her tea, or to clean all this mess up afterwards. or am I being a complete cow because mil is in her 70s and is this normal mess to expect from older family?

OP posts:
LeaningTowerOfGaffney · 12/09/2013 14:59

You didn't mention the stroke in your OP! In that case I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

HatieKokpins · 12/09/2013 16:35

Jesus H Christ, she's had a bloody stroke! Get off her case.

Fairenuff · 12/09/2013 16:46

Ah, well, that does change things. But OP wasn't asking if Mil was being unreasonable, she asked should her dp clean up after her. Tbh I think he should, at least if he is there. There is no reason why it has to be OP's job all the time.

Pagwatch · 12/09/2013 16:56

She doesn't take her shoes off and she is clumsy.

She is 70 and has had a stroke.

Jesus Christ!

DuelingFanjo · 12/09/2013 17:00

perhaps she spills the tea on the pictures to put the fire out? Wink

To be honest I think you sound a bit anal. Fingerprints on the doors!?

I think - yes... go ahead and tell your DP to do it. What would he say do you think?

Jan49 · 12/09/2013 17:06

She doesn't sound too messy to me. You sound like you are very fussy about tidiness and cleanliness. I think whoever normally does the cleaning up should do it, preferably both of you.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 12/09/2013 17:10

Yes the stroke thing was a bit of a massive drip feed OP.

I think you need to be more understanding AND get your DH to take some responsibility here.

peachactiviaminge · 12/09/2013 17:12

Ah thank fuck its not just me who's a slattern duelling I expected everyone to be saying YABU OP now I just feel like a tramp! Grin

Chattymummyhere · 12/09/2013 17:18

I think dh should clean up, its his mum and her wee/crumbs/dirt he wouldn't clean up after your mum so leave him to it

choccychoccylover · 12/09/2013 17:26

well I hope when you get to seventy if you have a stroke people will be a bit more tolerant, give her a break and get DH to clean up

MsUumellmahaye · 12/09/2013 18:22

read the op and thought hell ye yabu!! couldnt believe the first page of responses, thank god for the later responses, poor old soul :(

Fairenuff · 12/09/2013 18:44

What, you think she is being unreasonable to expect her husband to help clear up?

MsUumellmahaye · 12/09/2013 20:01

don't really care who cleans up, think she is unreasonable to be so precious about her house. poor old biddy :(

BackforGood · 12/09/2013 20:21

You sound very intolerant. You are coming across as if your anal standards the house is more important than your MiL feeling comfortable in her son's homeSad

FannyMcNally · 12/09/2013 20:27

Are you embarrassed to ask your dh to clean up while his mum is still there? I didn't understand why you couldn't ask him to clean up the wee.

gotthemoononastick · 12/09/2013 20:44

Put a washable rug on her chair.Give her a shampoo and manicure.Wash her feet in a bowl of warm suds.Keep a lovely fluffy robe and slippers for her.Put her tea on a little tray.She is your husband's mother and childrens' granny.Be nice because as sure as night follows day you will reap one day what you sow.

zatyaballerina · 12/09/2013 21:20

The stroke may have left her slightly brain damaged, her awareness could be genuinely impaired rather than being slovenly. Was she always like this? It sounds very annoying but I'd insist on eating and drinking at the dining table only, not sure what you can do to prevent the rest. Your dp should help clear up.

FixItUpChappie · 12/09/2013 21:40

Well, I feel for you - that would drive me nuts. My in-laws wear their shoes in the house even though they have been more than once to take them off Hmm. Drives me insane - I can't enjoy them at all.....I just scowl at their shoes. I have fucking beige area rugs.

That said, you and I probably need to pick our battles. Its important to keep the peace.

FixItUpChappie · 12/09/2013 21:41

that should say "asked", asked more than once.

FixItUpChappie · 12/09/2013 21:45

As much as you want people to be comfortable it is a lot of work to keep a house manageable with young children as is without guests who have undesirable hygiene habits or abilities or whatever. If she has a medical concern, than you forgive and overlook but if she is just doing it because she can - I don't see why OP should feel great about it.

sherbetpips · 12/09/2013 21:58

If the mess can be wiped/hoovered up then yes yabu. Do you let dh clean any other time? If you don't tell him to do it he isn't about to interfere. Although what would you say to him - please clean up after your mother, like she is a dog or something. How would you feel if he said the same about your family/friends?

sherbetpips · 12/09/2013 21:59

Also if you have boys the wee thing will soon become meh.....

Finola1step · 12/09/2013 22:21

My goodness OP. Do you have a son? I wonder how you would feel if the woman your son chooses to marry treated you in the same way you treat your MIL.

The woman has had a stroke. My dad had a stroke four years before he passed away. The effects were not immediate but very gradual. Very similar to some of the actions you describe.

Your lack of empathy for an older woman with health needs is astonishing. I strongly suggest you start reading up on the effects of stroke. The Stroke Association website would be a good start.

HoopersGinger · 12/09/2013 22:29

YABU stop following her round and checking for wee and crumbs. You have kids so isn't wiping up such things par for the course? A house is to live in. Chill out and show her some basic human kindness. I think it's unkind and upsetting to point all these things out to your husband.

HoopersGinger · 12/09/2013 22:31

Far sweeter than the stink of death, is the stink of life.

Roger Mcgough

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