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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be feeling so guilty about this that I feel physically sick?

33 replies

gintastic · 08/09/2013 21:44

I'm returning to work on Thursday from maternity leave. It's my 3rd time, have 3 gorgeous kids. However, work has been gradually more and more unenjoyable over the last 3 years, and last Friday I was offered a new job. More money, easier commute, more interesting work, more responsibility - it's basically the next step up in my career. It's perfect hours, 8-2 on 2 days a week and 8-5.30 on 2 days - one day off, so I get plenty of time after school with kids.

So basically I'm going back to hand my notice in, work it and leave. There are no implications with paying mat pay back, although I think I will owe them some holiday (3 days max which is OK)

I got a text from a very good friend at work saying they were looking forward to seeing me and getting back into projects.

Now I just feel sick with guilt. 2 months ago I had decides to make the best of a bad job and gone to a meeting full of (slightly fake) enthusiasm, on the basis that if I am happy and cheery, it might actually come through.

This new job was advertised about a month ago and is just perfect for me. I wish the timing has been better, but it wasn't. It is what it is. So I applied and have been offered it.

I actually feel sick with guilt now. Which is stupid really, but is it a logical reaction or should I be sticking with the old job?

OP posts:
CharityFunDay · 08/09/2013 21:47

Are you mad?

Take the new job. If your colleagues are friends, they'll understand and keep in touch. They'll probably be jealous.

MarshaBrady · 08/09/2013 21:48

No go with the new one. It'll be ok. You have good reasons for taking it.

Turniptwirl · 08/09/2013 21:49

It's work. Don't feel guilty for wanting what's best for you and your family. Work will get over it and anyone who is actually your friend there will just be happy for you

Snoopingforsoup · 08/09/2013 21:49

It's a fairly normal reaction I would say.

Handing your notice in anywhere is nerve-wracking, but yours has a couple of other considerations. Once you've resigned, the guilt will hopefully lessen and you can move forward.

Your new role sounds fab, good luck.

quoteunquote · 08/09/2013 21:49

Don't feel guilty doing what is best for you, any reasonable person would be pleased for you.

plantsitter · 08/09/2013 21:50

Don't feel guilty. When it comes to jobs, you have to do what's best for you. You will be working your notice. Maternity leave is something provided by the state to encourage equality, not something your old work place did as a favour.

Congratulations!

Original poster
gintastic · 08/09/2013 21:50

It's just that they are expecting the happy, cheery, enthusiastic me from 2 months ago and instead I'm going to drop this on them... I'm by no means indispensable but I am very experienced at the job and have a good relationship with most people there.

But yes, possibly slightly mad!

OP posts:
SlobAtHome · 08/09/2013 21:50

Don't feel guilt, this is for you and your family remember. You would feel guilt for working a crap job and your hours not being as good for your kids.

enjoy and congrats

PacificDogwood · 08/09/2013 21:50

Oh, no, go for the new job, sounds fabulous.

So the timing is not perfect - your colleagues will get over it. And you may find out who your real friends are Grin.

Onwards and upwards - very best of luck in your new job!

Scrubber · 08/09/2013 21:51

Don't feel guilty, go for it! I bet your work wouldn't hesitate to make you redundant if it was best for them.

Tabby1963 · 08/09/2013 21:52

Congratulations on getting your dream job, gintastic! Don't waste too much time feeling guilty about moving on to better things. You haven't broken any rules, (and sadly, loyalty counts for nothing these days) just work your notice and leave. Your colleagues will soon get used to a new member of staff. Remember, no one is indispensable.

Madladyintheattic · 08/09/2013 21:52

Have you had three lots of maternity leave with this company? Have you taken a year each time?

I can see how you would feel bad and they won't be happy. I've been on the receiving end of situations like these and when it comes down to it there is nothing an employer can do and you can go if you want.

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat · 08/09/2013 21:52

You can afford to be dispassionate about work, because most companies don't give a flying duck about their employees really, just their profits.

You'll keep in contact with any colleagues that you have a genuine bond with anyway right?!

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 08/09/2013 21:52

Go with the new job.

It sounds as if you'll get a good amount of time with your dc, more money, better commute, more interesting job - what's not to like?

I'm pretty sure that you've not signed a contract for life in your current job, so applying for other jobs isn't that odd. Yes the timing could have been better, but we can't have everything!

Original poster
gintastic · 08/09/2013 21:52

Scrubber - you are absolutely right! I've been at risk a couple of times in the last 5 years, and come through.

It's not so much the company, but the people I care about...

OP posts:
bumperella · 08/09/2013 21:53

It's work. You can be as loyal as you like to your current employer, but I can gaurantee that the loyalty will not work both ways.

Original poster
gintastic · 08/09/2013 21:54

I've had three lots of leave, but not the full year. No 1 was 8mo when I returned, no 2 was 6mo when I returned - I've had 10 months off this time which is the longest of all of them.

OP posts:
Hassled · 08/09/2013 21:55

It is hard when you care about the people - but everyone is right, you need to be dispassionate here. It is just a job.

Peachyjustpeachy · 08/09/2013 21:57

On the positive side, whoever has been doing your job should still be around..... So they can keep your old job.

RobotLover68 · 08/09/2013 21:57

Oh no, go for it - I jacked my job in a few months ago because I had the boss from hell. I was sick with nerves too but felt better when it was over. I haven't looked back.

Original poster
gintastic · 08/09/2013 21:57

Thanks for that everyone. Guess I'm just going to have to put my big girl panties on and woman up a bit...

OP posts:
Original poster
gintastic · 08/09/2013 21:58

Yes, there is a temp in - I guess they can always keep him on for a bit...

OP posts:
mumofthemonsters808 · 08/09/2013 21:59

Please don't feel guilty you must think of yourself and what is right for you and your family. The hours sound ideal, jobs like this are hard to come by, so I'd grab it with both hands. Looking at it another way, someone else maybe given the opportunity to apply for your old job who is desperate for it (that's assuming they do not try and incorporate it into existing job roles).Your employer would not be losing any sleep over making you redundant, so don't waste your time worrying. Good luck in your new job.

Fozziebearmum2be · 08/09/2013 21:59

Don't be daft, as someone else has said business is business and they wouldn't have the same loyalty back.

I work in HR and this is pretty common, if theres a high amount of women not returning it usually shows that a workplace isn't overly flexible and able to work around family life. Ultimately, you need to do what's right for your family not work, so don't feel bad.

Congrats on your new job Thanks

marriedinwhiteisback · 08/09/2013 22:00

It's good. They have no right to expect you to stay. In fact they might even be thinking "oh god, she'll just get her feet back under the table then she'll be off again. Fresh start - good luck.