to be very concerned about this situation?

[Icantstopeatinglol]

Ok situation is dsd goes to a dance school on a weekend. She's been talking about a guy there for a while now and it turns out he's the owners son who works there and as far as we know he's late twenties/early thirties. Dsd is 15. We've been slightly wary but assumed crush maybe and as long as he's not encouraging her then not a problem.
Anyway, dh happened to notice a text flash up on dsd phone yesterday just before dsd grabbed it which said 'yey I get to see you today xxxxxxxxxxxx' times those kisses by about 40!
Dh was taken aback by it but spoke to her later and she reckons it was a one off and she knows he shouldn't be doing it and she's going to tell him to stop. She's said nothing's going on they are just friends.
Dh's head is all over cos he knows he needs to do something but he can't decide what's the best plan of action as he's worried it will all come back on his dd which will then mean her leaving the school.
I think he needs to spk to the owner and threaten with the police if she doesn't say she will spk to her son and make sure it stops?
What would you all do?
I'd love to go down and rip him a new arsehole and I don't think he should be working there!

Even if he is 20, he is an adult and she is a minor.

He is definately at least mid/late twenties as he's worked there for the last 5yrs at least and also he looks older but can't be sure of his exact age. Dsd reckons she doesn't know how old he is but I'm thinking she must do.

I realise that this now doesnt apply to the op. But I dont understand little and yoni's posts.
Unless you are assuming they are sleeping together?

yellowballoons OP doesn't think they are sleeping together but actually we don't know that for sure. In my experience older men befriend younger girls in this way and with this type of text to lead on to more inappropriate sexual behaviour. I think OP is just looking for advice on what to do before it gets to that stage.

Yes, a very worrying situation, and it sounds as though your DSD might be playing her parents off against each other. I think they should take a united approach to the situation (with you prompting DH as to what should be done). The text he saw would surely come under her mother's description of "going to far"?

DH should tell his ex about the message, and tell her that he plans to approach the owner of the dance school to demand that there is no contact between his/her son and pupils at the school. The risk of losing his/her clientele should intensify his/her wish for her pupils to be in a safe environment. As you rightly say, OP, safety is the first concern and happiness comes second.

"going too far"

I don't think that text is the type that any adult man would send to a girl or woman without some form of romantic or sexual intention, hence the fact that the age of both is relevant.

I also assume that this person is working a large number of young women and girls and whilst I am a long way from claiming danger of this type lurks as significantly as some parts of the press suggest, I'm a huge believer that instinct is a valuable tool and the OP is clearly uncomfortable with the situation her DSD is in.

We have actually just been talking and decided that its definately something her mam needs to know about. I think he's going to ring her tomorrow and go from there, maybe both go down together and speak to the owner.

I wouldn't speak to the owner.
The procedure here is to take advice from the police cp team.
In my experience the nspcc won't help.
Keep communications open (as much as one can with teenagers) between dad and both parents.
Lucky her for having a good smum.

I don't think i would advise talking to the owner in the first instance either. The reasons for this are that:

1. He may become very protective of his son rather than see things from your point of view.
2. His son is an adult so he is unlikely to hold any sway over him.
3. Telling the owner will almost certainly mean the guy will find out and if there is enough for the Police to look into he will have lots of time to delete the messages from his phone and concoct a cover story regarding his relationship with your DSD.
4. If the police have other information on this guy and are just biding their time with him they will be very cross if he gets wind of the concerns.

Speak with the police first to get their advice. They are very used to dealing with things like this.

Call the police

Yes *littlewhitebag has explained very well.

We're just concerned now that her mam will go off the deep end which will make things worse for dsd. Dh is concerned its her last year in school and he doesn't want to make things bad for her. He's trying to find a way to sort it all out without his dd knowing its been dealt with anymore than she already knows.

I think it will cause more issues for your DSD tackling the dance school owner yourselves. If you speak to the police they will decide whether your DSD needs to be spoken too. If they do this it will be done by trained officers and possibly SW too. It is done to ensure that it is not difficult for the child to speak out and would ensure no repercussions for her. Sorting out right now would mean that she can continue with her studies without any worries.

I think it's important that she knows and understands the enormity and consequences of a grown man attempting to from a child. Oath wise how will she know that this is a very seriouse situation. She will have no idea how to handle it if he presumes this, she may think its ok to meet him for a coffee, then a drink then who knows what else.

Grr a grown man grooming a child that should say.

Again, I second littlewhitebag's advice.

I can understand why you don't want to cause a fuss for your DSD. But speaking with the man's father will make things both awkward and potentially less safe for her. The Police safeguarding teams are used to handling this kind of situation.
Not sure what you mean about her mam "going off the deep end".

Police.

thereal her mam has a tendency to loose her temper and I think her dd is scared of her. Not in a violent way just she can be quite in your face and dh is worried she'll go to the school all guns blazing....she might not but its a worry.
I think dh should speak to the police for advice, hopefully they'll both agree that's the right thing to do tomorrow.

Police police police.

Imagine how you'd feel if you didn't go to them and in five years you find out he's been sexually assaulting/grooming other little girls. You actually have a responsibility to report this. It is probably a legal responsibility although someone else will know that better than me...

Totally agree namechange, don't worry I'll be letting them know regardless. I've got a dd2 who goes to a dance class and I'd be very angry if someone stood back in a situation like this and did nothing.

OIC. Difficult.
Any progress?

Dh has been round to dsd mams house to talk to her about it but she wasn't in. He wants to spk to her first and go from there. Dsd won't be happy but it's something her mam needs to know about.

Be aware that if dsd knows about a plan to talk to the police she will very likely "warn" this man. Her "loyalty" will be with him rather than the "killjoys" who are seeking to interfere.
From your perspective this is creepy and he has the potential to be a "groomer" for her, this might be more "Romeo and Juliet" IYSWIM.
Who'd be a grown up eh?

Yea thereal I know what you mean. Dsd thinks were just deciding what to do, she has msg'd said imbecile and told him to stop texting her (apparently) so she doesn't know we're going to speak to her mam let alone the police.
Kids waaaaaaaa!!! Can we throw tantrums?? I think I'm due one!