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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Now sat in car staring into space

56 replies

mamabrownbear · 08/09/2013 16:53

I told DH about an hour ago that I needed a break. Usually I get some time to myself when he is off work, just do I can feel normal and unwind a bit. So far that hasn't happen in the last 2 days and I've found out he is working on days he normally has off so I don't/won't get a break for over a week. I said I needed a break, just a snooze and he said "ok I just need to do this this and this" but he just seemed to he adding more and more things for him to do so I just grabbed the keys and walked out. Now sitting in car park staring into space and wondering if I'm crazy. I would our DS but I've needed a break for days, just an hour away to relax a bit would have been fine but now I'm fried and can't face the week ahead. AIBU to expect him to listen when I say I need a break?

OP posts:
Toocold · 08/09/2013 16:57

Yanbu, I feel like that sometimes and when mine were younger did exactly the same as you. You just need a few hours to gather yourself and your thoughts sometimes. You are not alone in feeling this way!

...and the luxury of going to the toilet on your own is heaven Grin

Talkinpeace · 08/09/2013 16:57

book a childminder or a creche and make the time
you know when you need the breaks, make them
and maybe after working shitty hours he wants your company not to be a lone parent

sorry if that sounds unsympathetic but you are expecting him to "read" you, without you "reading" him

when I started going stir crazy I made sure I earned enough to get three mornings off a week at the gym with kids in creche / nursery
my decision
nowt to do with DH

Original poster
mamabrownbear · 08/09/2013 16:59

I love him lots and he was doing helpful things but the most helpful thing would have been taking our BOJ from me for a while.

OP posts:
WowOoo · 08/09/2013 17:01

We all need a break and I think adults should make it a priority!
We organised it so I could go to an exercise class one evening and then he did his cycling on another.

We both felt like we needed a break from the kids even though he was spending far less time at home or with them because of our hours.

You'll talk later, I hope. Smile When your ds is in bed?

Talkinpeace · 08/09/2013 17:03

mama
but did you take time to let him unwind before wanting to offload?
did you check his mood?

I speak as the mother of teens with a self employed husband who can come home so tired he grunts and retires
so I made sure I did not NEED a break at the end of the day
cost more in money but less in stress

quietbatperson · 08/09/2013 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedaWee · 08/09/2013 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ThermoLobster · 08/09/2013 18:12

OP you are not a drama llama at all. What a horrible post.
We all sometimes need a break. I know I do.
YANBU

Hawkmoth · 08/09/2013 18:17

Bollocks to the drama thing.

"I need a break" is quite mild language but should be taken just as seriously as "fuck this shit, I'm off!"

If I said I needed a break, I would expect help, or at least probing as to when, why etc. I actually would probably not say it until it was pretty dire, you just get on with things don't you?

gamerchick · 08/09/2013 18:19

Why the fuck should the op have to check his mood and needs first?

You need a break op and you did the right thing.

Fifi2406 · 08/09/2013 18:19

I agree with needawee! Just pull yourself together and get on with it! That's life I'm afraid. 7 days in the grand scheme of things is not very long! Sorry to be harsh

SoupDragon · 08/09/2013 18:25

Saying that to someone who is at the end of their tether is not "being harsh". It is ignorant and bitchy.

SoupDragon · 08/09/2013 18:26

OP, you need to talk to your DH and sort out how you can fit in some regular time without your DS - with your DH or by yourself or preferably a mix of both.

Talkinpeace · 08/09/2013 18:27

lengthen the tether
sorry but there are lots of single mums who do not get a break for months at a time
OP is wired after a few days
she needs to develop coping strategies AND FAST

SoupDragon · 08/09/2013 18:31

sorry but there are lots of single mums who do not get a break for months at a time

Gosh, really? I never knew. Hmm
Do you normally think it's helpful to point out to people struggling with something that they should consider those worse off then they are and that they should just get on with it?

I did the whole pregnancy, birth and newborn stage as a single parent with two older children to look after. I am still able to have sympathy for someone who is struggling.

sameoldIggi · 08/09/2013 18:32

How old is the child? If it's a baby it can feel like you've been on duty 24/7 and might explode if you don't get a short time even alone.
Actually even with an older child, depends how intense "work" they require.

cupcake78 · 08/09/2013 18:34

I can totally empathise op! I'm exhausted with night feeds, early mornings and no adults only evening time due to baby feeds (ds, restless, demanding, very testing 5year old and 10 week dd). I'm so near to doing just what you have done and it wouldn't be the first time. You are not alone.

You have done nothing wrong! Everyone needs mental space and time and without it our heads will frankly pop. Go and have a walk or coffee/drink somewhere. Buy a magazine or paper and don't rush back! Now you've done it make it worthwhile so your dp can see how much it was needed.

Mabelface · 08/09/2013 18:36

Bloody hell, some of you are harsh! She only wanted an hour's snooze, not a bloody week in the Seychelles. OP, enjoy your peace.

TeaLadyExtraordinaire · 08/09/2013 18:40

NeedaWee - don't be so bloody nasty .

KatyaRachmanova · 08/09/2013 18:41

No, yanbu. Without context it's harder to advise but speak to your DH and come to some arrangement so you both get a bit of breathing space.

And for the others, just because some people have it harder, doesn't mean you can have sympathy. My mum was ALWAYS going on about how hard she had it when we were young. Did it help? Did it fuck. It just made me feel even more crap and useless. When I finally says 'I need a break' what I meant was 'I'm going to jump off a bridge if I don't get some sleep soon'.

To call a struggling parent a drama llama is horrible.

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waffling · 08/09/2013 18:45

"Did you check his mood?"

Jesus Fucking Christ.

OP, I hope you're asleep on the back seat of the car with a nice snuggly blanket.

LondonNinja · 08/09/2013 18:46

Drama llama my arse.

How rude.

peachypips · 08/09/2013 18:50

I feel your pain- DH has been away for a week and is away for another whole week. Argh!! I have a 5yr old and a 2yr old and they have been playing up.

It's hard to get a balance when one partner works - you feel like you are fighting over who's more tired!

Fifi2406 · 08/09/2013 18:52

She's a mum! It's a 24 7 job in my opinion and if her DH was in the middle of something she should have waiting its a luxury to have a break wether you're a single parent or not...it's not an entitlement! Everyone has tough times, gets worn out and gets to the end of their tether, people power through! And if I had got myself in to a fluster I would have wanted the advise I gave someone telling me to pull myself together because there are worse things!