Party Invitations-not whole class so how many?

[BigBirthdayGloom]

For the first time, dd isn't inviting the whole class to her party. What we've planned would be fine for everyone if the weather was kind but we can't accommodate thirty children at home.
Dd has made a list of fifteen out of twenty eight but I'm still uneasy about it. When you do a non whole class party, what's the best way to ensure the children without invitations are as happy as possible about it? Trouble is (although great) dd plays with boys and girls so cant just go "invite all the girls" and some of those not on her list are quite surprising.
Not sure iabu yet, but want to be as sure as I can that we avoid being unreasonable!

The uninvited ones won't be particularly happy; so you need to distribute the invitations sensitively. Try to hand them to the parents in the playground out of sight of the children if possible, although I realise it may not be.
Other than that, there's not much you can do; just let her sort the guest list herself though, it's her party.

How old is DD? We found that by Year 2/3, no-one expected whole class parties. I wouldn't worry about the non-invited children. How many of those children has had a party in the last year and invited you DD?

15 out of 28 is fine, why do you feel uneasy?

Part of growing up is realising you can't be invited to everything all of the time.

And leaving 13 children out is almost half the class so it seems fine to me.

Around half is fine. Anything more is asking for trouble but you sound sensible enough not to invite 26 of 28!

As PO said don't let dd make a show of who is invited and who isn't. If anyone asks, there's a great reason (weather, space) why you've invited 15 not 28 so don't let any snarky comments get to you.

I would say about half is absolutely fine. Not everyone can afford birthday parties for around 30 guests.

Twenty out of twenty eight would be pushing it? My gut says that seems like leaving out eight rather than inviting nineteen (dd included in the twenty), but interested to hear views.

Two thirds would probably be too many. Half or less is a good rule of thumb IMHO.

DS1 had 14 (including himself) out of 31 to his party. I made sure if anyone spoke to me about any aspect of the party to say loudly that our numbers were limited by the venue and DS had chosen who would be invited.

I agree: one can invite up to half the class but then, as you say, the focus changes to those left out.

Eight left out is too few IMHO. I know my DS would be one of that eight!! He's only five and so far he's not noticed when he's not been invited to a party although I have been gutted.

I don't think there is any problem with inviting a few, there may be issues if you invite all but a few. I think inviting 20 out of 28 falls into the latter category.
15 is probably OK, but any more than that gets less comfortable.
After Reception though, it's much less common to have bigger parties. Are you set on 15?

I read a great 'rule of thumb' on here some years ago that the best number to invite was the age of the child - so if she's going to be 6, invite 6 children, if she's going to be 7, invite 7 children, etc.
Does depend of course, what activity you are thinking of doing, that (and the venue, and if it's a 'cost per head' or overall cost) dictate the numbers for most people.

Not set on fifteen exactly but that number kind of accommodated all the people she plays with and felt manageable for the kind of party we're having. Confirmed my gut feeling about twenty, thanks.

definitely half or less

My dd was left out of three birthday parties last year that were girls only.She was the only girl not invited and she was only five. I asked her teacher if there were any issues but no she just isn't part of the clique abd sometimes plays on her own.

I hate birthday parties. Someone always gets left out or hurt by it. I dont host them anymore, cant afford them anyway.

13 max.

It needs to be fewer than half.

It's the only fair strategy. And I can't stand the way people say the children need to learn and the party girl/boy can invite who they like blah blah, as the parent it's your job to protect your child's sense of decency and kindness and also prevent others from feeling excluded.

Tell her 13 is the upper limit.

Good point about the gender thing. Please make sure there aren't one or two girls left out and the rest boys. These things are very noticeable to children. Honestly, it's all about encouraging fairness and harmony among children who are likely to spend years together.

I think if you are leaving out a good third of the class then that doesn't seem like excluding just a few, so I reckon up to 18 would be fine

dd1 went to a party today where 19/30 were invited. 10-20/30 seems to be the norm here. people do understand that parties can be an expensive business.

why dont you go through the children she is friends with first and then go from there nobody really minds some parents will get a bit shirty and defensive about it ime but it is your dds party for her and her friends, they cant all be friends,

I was put off whole class party as one of the dds went to one and the birthday child said to her My mum made me invite you I dont like you but least it is another present

and i think setting a limit is a good idea I set limits usually mine had bowling parties or the like so I decided i was only going to spend X amount and told the children only so many could come

15/28 sounds fine to me 20/28 feels like it is excluding those 8. If you know the parents, handing out the invites in the playground is a good idea.
Teach your DD a set line so she can handle it sensitively if someone not invited asks about it she says something like " I couldn't have everyone from the class/ or everyone I wanted as I was only allowed to invite some people".
I blundered into a situation inadvertently where I asked about a party DS wasn't invited to _ I was just worried my calendar wasn't up to date! It was no sweat, the two boys aren't close and it was a party with limited numbers. The mum had a nice line ( although it did sound very much like a line) which was " We could only have X because it was a Y party but DS was top of our reserve list."

Half seems fair, it's only if you're systematically cutting out one or two kids that I'd think it's mean. But I would mail or email the invites, not hand them out anywhere near school, and caution DD not to talk about the party at school either before or after the date. And if you think any classmates will put her on the spot, then coach her in some kind and soothing white lies replies maybe?

p.s. I have to admit that there were a few years my DS didn't have anybirthday party as there was one child he couldn't ABIDE to invite and I would not let him cut one child out. It was a small primary class! And DS accepted this and still preferred no party to including said child. Sad, isn't it?

Arbitrary numbers - if not the whole class then no more than half of the class. So the number invited is not more than the number not invited.

You do need to ensure that the amount of girls left is more than 3.

I would say less than half the class and then you are selecting rather than deselecting. so on that basis 13 max

Wow I must be really mean.

I wouldn't make my dc pick people they didn't actually choose to come so that others don't feel left out.

I wouldn't want them screaming round the playground handing out invites in front of everyone, but wouldn't force their hand either.

Parties suck sometimes, my children have been left out before and will again.