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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to this meet up (chicken pox related)

41 replies

BumbleChum · 08/09/2013 03:13

Ds starts Reception on Tuesday. Some of the mums have arranged a get together in the park on Monday (kids were at nursery together) so that they all feel more familiar with each other on their first day.

However 2yo dd has just come out in chicken pox. WIBU to take DS (and his 6yo brother) anyway? I can leave DD with DH who isn't working that day.

Obviously either DS might be incubating the pox but they will still be going to school until/unless they develop symptoms so makes no difference.

But some mums could be pregnant/have a new baby/be immuno compromised. Or just think it bad form to turn up to meet up. I wouldn't want to create bad feeling. Would you be annoyed by us turning up in these circumstances?

OP posts:
Dillydollydaydream · 08/09/2013 03:18

Don't go unless they have scabbed over for the reasons you've listed.

Finola1step · 08/09/2013 03:41

So the older two dc have not had chicken pox and are currently showing no symptoms? I would think its best to stay away in this instance but, they will be going to school the next day. And if your dd has just started the spots, she is at her most contagious not the boys just yet. A tricky one but might be best to play it safe.

Original poster
BumbleChum · 08/09/2013 04:03

Actually Ds2 (the 4yo) had it a a baby but very mildly so I don't know if he is immune. Perhaps you are right and we shouldn't go - seems mad when they will be at school next day but I don't want to offend anyone.

OP posts:
GertBySea · 08/09/2013 04:13

If they are going to school if they hAve no symptoms, then they may as well go to the park if they have no symptoms.

Or perhaps just take the 4yo who has has it, as he is the one who will benefit from the meet up anyway.

Original poster
BumbleChum · 08/09/2013 04:23

That is probably the best Idea Gert

OP posts:
ProudAS · 08/09/2013 07:59

I think CP takes at least ten days to incubate so they won't be at infectious stage yet.

3birthdaybunnies · 08/09/2013 08:08

Proud is right - unless they caught from the same source. School won't let them have time off until they are actually ill. I would go, leave dd at home. They will be outside anyway and ds might already be immune.

maddening · 08/09/2013 08:19

if you said you weren't coming due to co then I would be glad you stayed away - especially at the start of the new school year.

FeedTheBirdsTuppenceABag · 08/09/2013 10:01

no babies under one are not immune. My baby caught it and was very very ill with it.

Please stay at home, just keep them in.

BABIES UNDER ONE WHO GET IT ARE NOT NECESSARILY IMMUNE.

sorry for shouting but it fucks me off.

Did you also know at any age, unless they had a good dose they can actually catch it again!

Its one meet up and you could spread it. Just leave it. The meet is not a big deal but the One CHILD or adult who MAY get it from you that day may be very ill!!!

FeedTheBirdsTuppenceABag · 08/09/2013 10:02

by the way my DC went to nursery without any meet up and survived as many do.

AmberLeaf · 08/09/2013 10:04

Is it really worth it for a Mums meet up?

whatever5 · 08/09/2013 10:27

I'm immuno compromised because of the drugs I take and chicken pox could kill me if I caught it.

I wouldn't necessarily expect you to keep your children at home (apart from the one with chicken pox) but I would want you to warn me that the others might be incubating it before the meet up.

TidyDancer · 08/09/2013 10:46

I would avoid the meet up. I understand the dilemma, but I think it's best to play it safe.

BrokenSunglasses · 08/09/2013 10:50

I would go, taking the child who the meet up is intended for and leaving the little one who has the chicken pox at home.

I don't think you can segregate a child just because their sibling has chicken pox. Your ds may well not get it just now, mine had it at different times. And presumably you're not going to make him miss his first day of school because his sister has CP, so your ds is going to be in contact with these children a day later anyway.

Hissy · 08/09/2013 10:54

The kids were at nursery together.

So they'll remember them from before the summer, right?

Don't go.

The mums will understand.

Your kids will get on, or not, regardless of meeting up in a park.

CruCru · 08/09/2013 10:58

Please don't go. I am 36 weeks pregnant and haven't had CP. if I am exposed, I have to go to the hospital and have tests and anti virals.

Listentomum · 08/09/2013 11:09

I would go. You can't quarantine a child just because their sibling had CP.

scaevola · 08/09/2013 11:15

There is no requirement to quarantine a child who is not symptomatic.

But if you decide that you should, then there is no point unless you do it properly. So that means keeping your DSes off school for the full 21 days incubation period after DD's last spot has crusted. And she has ceased being potentially infectious. The DSes will not be more infectious at the park than in school, to classmates or other parents who encounter them there.

sashh · 08/09/2013 11:19

If they are going to school if they hAve no symptoms, then they may as well go to the park if they have no symptoms.

Not true. No pregnant mums at school (OK there may be a teacher but if I was teaching infants I'd have cp vaccine), no younger brothers and sisters, no random people undergoing chemo who might be in the park.

Send a message saying sorry, no symptoms but dc has been exposed to CP but will be attending school, that will give parents warning if they need to avoid your dc.

Sorry your ds is missing a fun time but it is best if he misses it.

Original poster
BumbleChum · 08/09/2013 11:45

Do you think I should keep the boys off school because their sister has chickenpox? Does anyone actually do that? I don't think they do, do they? It's a pretty small school so we'll all be in the playground at drop-off and pick-up. My mum can come over and watch DD though, so I don't have to take her thankfully.

I don't mind missing the meet up, just wondering if there's any point in doing so, given school next day. But some of the mums might share the reactions of people here, so perhaps we will not go rather than offend anyone, even illogically.

Actually, DS2's class teacher is pregnant. I'll ring the school tomorrow and just check with them that they expect children to come regardless of siblings with cp.

Crucru, I'm sorry about the fear of cp while pregnant, I can imagine that it is scary for you. I hope you can have the vaccine before any future babies, because it would be even more scary going to school!

OP posts:
scaevola · 08/09/2013 11:52

Whether they encounter pregnant women at school surely depends on the pick up arrangements. At our primary, they would, as in the first weeks of reception they can be picked up from the classroom, and at other times from the playground (where they would be as likely to go up to a friend's parent as they would be in the park).

If you keep them off school, btw, you risk it being classed as an unuauthorised absence, as NHS does not endorse quarantining so it would be hard/impossible to class as medical.

redspottydress · 08/09/2013 12:01

Cru cru how do you know you are not immune? Could you not have had the vaccine before getting pregnant? I understand it must be very worrying.

Original poster
BumbleChum · 08/09/2013 12:03

I wouldn't keep them off school scaevola, unless the school itself recommended it - which I don't believe any school does! We pick up from the playground - which is very small, and everyone stands together, so probably more close contact with other parents than in the park.

CP was going round school last term, and a friend of DS2's cancelled his party in the holidays because he got it, I suspect it's still that chain of infection going round that has led us to get it as we've met up with a couple of people over the holidays.

OP posts:
BrokenSunglasses · 08/09/2013 12:30

I really think it would be ridiculous to keep your perfectly healthy child away from this meet up. It's a nice thing to do that they will enjoy, there is no good reason to keep your ds away.

I expect to be flamed for this, but I also wouldn't tell the school. I'd be worried that my child would be avoided or treated differently by the teacher if she thought there was a risk. What if your ds gets upset and needs a little hug from the teacher, or if he falls over and needs the teacher to pick him up? Would she treat him as she normally would, or will she make him wait for someone else when he's upset so she can avoid him?

Someone who works in reception (as I do) should be aware that there might be chicken pox in her class at some point during the year, so they have plenty of opportunity to get the vaccine before they get pregnant. I have never heard of anyone warning the school that a child who doesn't even attend has CP.

Hissy · 08/09/2013 12:37

I caught CP from the parent of twins. I never met the DC. Ever.

Call ALL the mums and warn them that you have CP in your family atm and ask them if it's Ok to come?