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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that dp should come and rescue me...

44 replies

awakemysoull · 07/09/2013 22:29

From this actual beast of a spider that's taken over my living room?

There I am quite happy feeding dd2 and catching up on x factor.

Next thing this beast appears out of nowhere jumping and clicking at me. I have never moved my fat arse as fast in my life.

I am now upstairs in my bedroom scanning the floors and walls incase there is another one. Dd2 has gone to sleep.

Dp is at the pub. I phoned him at quarter to 10 (after the spider appeared) asking him if he was on the bus home because I needed rescued from a spider.

He won't leave the pub to come and save me. I thought I'd be smart and go and pick him up but the spider has now taken over dd2s car seat and is planning on killing me. It won't let me leave the house.

Aibu to think that dp should come home and get the spider?

He isn't happy at the phone call or the hysterical state I have got myself into. He knows I have a severe phobia (honestly I'm shaking just now) but they don't bother him so he's a bit Hmm Confused whenever I'm screaming about them.

If I get 10 replies saying IANBU I will get a taxi to go pick him up.

Help me mn jury

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 07/09/2013 22:30

Sorry, get on with it, you wuss!! Grin

Do 10 YABU cancel out 10 YANBU? , just to be fair. Anyway, YABU!!

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2013 22:31

What is it with all the spider 'phobias' on MN?

Surely if something so small terrifies you to the extent of needing another adult to intervene, you should be getting professional help? Confused

Footface · 07/09/2013 22:32

I'm terrified of spiders, I hid upstairs from 12 hours waiting for the morning so I could call my dbro to come round and get it.

Dry shampoo is brilliant and making then be still long enough to put a glass over them.

Original poster
awakemysoull · 07/09/2013 22:32

No I'm not going to count the YABU votes Grin

OP posts:
MogTheForgetfulCat · 07/09/2013 22:32

Yanbu! I spotted a whopper abseiling down the curtains earlier, and screeched complex instructions at DH for its humane removal from the far side of the room. And heaped abuse in his head when he blardy well missed the flipping thing and it escaped. It is still loose in the building...

Just to reiterate - yanbu!

Footface · 07/09/2013 22:32

At making

BoozyBear · 07/09/2013 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Finola1step · 07/09/2013 22:33

YANBU to be scared as a result of your phobia. But YABU to expect other people to change their plans because of your anxiety. Stay where you are. It's ok. Your dp will be back later and the situation will be sorted. Try to get some rest. Nothing is going to happen.

OldRoan · 07/09/2013 22:34

I had a spider trapped under a cup in my kitchen for 2 days until I swallowed my pride enough to ask someone to pop in and remove it. I wouldn't ever kill one, which is what DP helpfully suggests ("climb on a chair and chuck stuff at it" is not the offer of help I was after, actually).

For me, being at the point where I could trap it was a massive achievement. Could you do that? My worry would be taking my eyes off it, and then it moving. I need to know WHERE it is.

Original poster
awakemysoull · 07/09/2013 22:34

I wish I was brave enough to put a glass over them.

People who don't have phobias of them will never understand what it's like. I wish I could afford professional help I would do anything to stop myself from being in this state. It's getting pathetic.

I am on an NHS waiting list to see psychologist but it can take months Sad

I've phoned my brother but he is 40 miles away and post blank refusing to come and get me. That's him off the Christmas card list.... Wink

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 07/09/2013 22:35

Do what I used to do - stand a safe distance away, spray them with hairspray, wait for them to freeze over and then Hoover them up Smile

There's no way my husband would come home from the pub to rescue me from a spider! Grin However, I do have two cats who would be more than happy to eat the little fellow Smile

Original poster
awakemysoull · 07/09/2013 22:38

If I can get to the stage where I can remove them I'll be happy. I don't want to kill them because they haven't actually done anything wrong.

I wish I didn't get so hysterical my heart rate increases massively whenever one appears. I am seriously considering moving house to another area. I've spoken to my neighbours and they have the same issues although they aren't scared so it doesn't bother them as much.

I sound really stupid. I am.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 07/09/2013 22:39

YANBU I totally get it - I am terrified of spiders - I shake, I sweat and I even vomit if I have to deal with them

sadly I am single so I have no choice but I also have 3 cats Wink

Phobia is horrible - you are not a wuss for having one x

SummerRain · 07/09/2013 22:39

I like spiders, anything that kills flies is alright in my book. Plus they're fascinating to watch.

Dp is afraid of them but can handle ignoring them studiously until I deal with them usually by relocating them somewhere else in the house where he can't see they, poor spider shouldn't be homeless just because he's a wimp

No way would I interrupt my evening because of his fear though.

Your phobia, your problem. Sorry

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2013 22:39

I'm not doubting that you have a phobia btw OP

But the word 'phobia' is so overused when it comes to spiders/clowns/etc

I used to be scared of spiders and would scream like a big girl for my Dad/DH/Brother to catch them for me.

Then I got divorced and became a single Mum

Spider catching was just one of the many strings I added to my bow because there was no-one else around.

Sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns and get on with it if you have a strong dislike of something.

But if you have a genuine phobia, then it really does need to be treated because it's not fair to keep relying on other people to come and sort it for you.

BrokenSunglasses · 07/09/2013 22:40

YABU, but that's what a phobia is.

If it was rational, then it wouldn't be a phobia.

I'm not sure whether he should come and rescue you or not though. It's your phobia, and you have to learn to deal with it. Until you are in the process of trying to cure it, I don't think you can expect people to support you by pandering to it. People close to you should make allowances and be understanding, but expecting someone to come home from a night out is taking that too far.

I don't have a phobia of spiders, but I really don't like them. I've had my ds1 trained to do the glass thing since he was about four. It's great when one appears during the day, but useless when he's in bed.

gordyslovesheep · 07/09/2013 22:41

can you know on the neighbours door and ask for help I used to

I fell in love with (ex) DH because he drove 30 mils at 11pm to get one off the stairs so I could go to bed - then drove home again without more than a kiss

It's easy for people to say 'get help' but the NHS doesn't offer much for people with phobias sadly (not here anyway I asked)

MogTheForgetfulCat · 07/09/2013 22:42

Why put 'phobia' like that, Worra? I am really not very keen on spiders, especially large ones, but don't have a phobia - if push came to shove, I could deal with one myself.

I do, however, have a phobia of wasps, which means I am totally incapable of acting rationally when one comes near. I know all the advice about standing still and it will go away etc etc., but I just cannot do it. I have had professional help and still have the phobia, unfortunately. No need to be so patronising.

Lj8893 · 07/09/2013 22:44

Yanbu.

I understand your phobia, I suffer exactly the same!

Thought when I got into a relationship I would finally have someone to save me from them until I discovered dp is even more scared than I am!!

We are planning on training our child to be a crazy spider catcher!

BoozyBear · 07/09/2013 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mum11970 · 07/09/2013 22:44

Suck it up with the vacuum extension and then empty outside.

gordyslovesheep · 07/09/2013 22:45

I paid my kids £15 to move one out of the shed last summer - it lived behind the lawn mower and I needed to mow Grin

gordyslovesheep · 07/09/2013 22:46

see I couldn't suck it up with the vacuum - first I would have to get near enough and there is no way on earth I could then touch the vacuum to empty it

BoozyBear · 07/09/2013 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
awakemysoull · 07/09/2013 22:47

Believe me this is a full blown phobia and it is awful. It has an effect on my whole life. I will not go into the shed because the spiders are there. I have never been up the loft, I will not go and visit my family in Australia because they are ridiculous out there, I am even nervous doing the housework because one might jump out at me.

I have calmed down a bit and to be honest maybe I am being a bit unreasonable expecting dp to come home from a night out to help me.

I have had my neighbour in before to get one for me but all the lights are off and he has young dcs so I'm not going to disturb them at this time of night.

I'm tempted to phone a delivery and get the driver in to catch it. Would that be unreasonable?

OP posts:
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