Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to think that dp should come and rescue me...

44 replies

awakemysoull · 07/09/2013 22:29

From this actual beast of a spider that's taken over my living room?

There I am quite happy feeding dd2 and catching up on x factor.

Next thing this beast appears out of nowhere jumping and clicking at me. I have never moved my fat arse as fast in my life.

I am now upstairs in my bedroom scanning the floors and walls incase there is another one. Dd2 has gone to sleep.

Dp is at the pub. I phoned him at quarter to 10 (after the spider appeared) asking him if he was on the bus home because I needed rescued from a spider.

He won't leave the pub to come and save me. I thought I'd be smart and go and pick him up but the spider has now taken over dd2s car seat and is planning on killing me. It won't let me leave the house.

Aibu to think that dp should come home and get the spider?

He isn't happy at the phone call or the hysterical state I have got myself into. He knows I have a severe phobia (honestly I'm shaking just now) but they don't bother him so he's a bit whenever I'm screaming about them.

If I get 10 replies saying IANBU I will get a taxi to go pick him up.

Help me mn jury

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2013 22:47

Why put 'phobia' like that, Worra? I am really not very keen on spiders, especially large ones, but don't have a phobia - if push came to shove, I could deal with one myself.

Because as I said, 'phobia' is a very overused word when it comes to people being scared of something.

I'm not saying the OP doesn't have a phobia (because I don't know her) but it's often overused just like 'OCD' is to describe a very house proud person.

There's a massive difference and if it's a real phobia the OP needs to get help (I accept it's not cheap or easy) or learn to try to cope without constantly relying on other people.

OP have you tried Paul Makenna or someone like that who does self help books/DVDs?

Vinomcstephens · 07/09/2013 22:50

Aw OP you have my absolute sympathy when I split with my ex and moved into my own place, I called him in tears about 2 days later when the worlds biggest arachnid intruder took up residence above my bed. When he turned up to remove the 8 legged bugger we almost got back together there and then, such was my gratitude! Hope you've had your tormentor dealt with

Original poster

awakemysoull · 07/09/2013 22:50

Worrra - no I haven't even thought about doing a self help type of thing. Maybe that's something that would be beneficial.

Would a phycologist be useful to me? I might have a chat with dp when he comes home tonight (and is half cut ) about paying for a private psychologist to help me get over my fear

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 07/09/2013 22:50

Boozybear so do I - I couldn't touch the canister let alone empty it if a spider was in there

I am all creeped out now

ilovesooty · 07/09/2013 22:57

I'm absolutely, hysterically terrified of wasps but:

It's your phobia, and you have to learn to deal with it. Until you are in the process of trying to cure it, I don't think you can expect people to support you by pandering to it. People close to you should make allowances and be understanding, but expecting someone to come home from a night out is taking that too far

I'm afraid I agree with that. Getting your husband to come home is unreasonable, sorry.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 07/09/2013 22:57

But her OP said she had a severe phobia, and to effectively tut and roll your eyes about 'phobias' then really isn't very helpful.

OP, I had hypnotism to try to deal with my wasp phobia. Unfortunately, it didn't work. Don't know if it's because I am not susceptible, the hypnotist was crap or hypnotism is a load of 'woo' nonsense. Will have to try do etching else, though, as this summer has been v hard - do many wasps everywhere .

marriedinwhiteisback · 07/09/2013 22:58

If the spider was poisonous and heading towards your DC, could you get a grip and dea with it? If yes, you need to get more of a grip if no you need professional help.

Your DP clearly doesn't take you seriously and he knows you. Why therefore should I. Belt up, get a glass and enclose it.

You do know they are lucky.

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2013 23:03

But her OP said she had a severe phobia, and to effectively tut and roll your eyes about 'phobias' then really isn't very helpful.

Honestly I'm not (and I'm sorry if I came across that way OP) I'm just pointing out that some people tell themselves they have a phobia and then they believe it. When in actual fact, what they have is a severe dislike/fright of something and that's so much easier to self cure.

But as I've said twice, I'm not including the OP in that because I don't know her.

It's worth a shot OP, I think you can get Paul Makenna books/audios from the library.

Fakebook · 07/09/2013 23:07

Yanbu! I had a very similar scare last week. The bastard crawled under the shelves. I ended up crying on the phone to my DH who is thousands of miles away...not my finest moment! After about 15mins I managed to get myself together and vacuum it up with the help of dd. I hate the little shits. I kill every small one I see so it doesn't grow into a big one.

I caught DS rolling a big fat juicy one between his finger and thumb in the kitchen once when he was 8 months old. He had fat black spider legs on his trousers. I was very proud that day.

eddiemairswife · 08/09/2013 00:10

My daughter once spent the whole night whimpering on the landing because of one in her room. I was too frightened to deal with it and her father flatly refused to get up saying it was ridiculous for a girl of her age[18] to behave like that. Now she has her own home she has bought a thing that catches them [I don't mean a cat although she has got one] and she can deposit them out side. If you catch them with a glass and a piece of cardboard don't do what I did once. The spider was in the bath, I put the glass over him slid the card underneath, stood up and realised I hadn't got a spare hand to open the door or window. We were trapped - me and the spider - in the bathroom. I put him back in the bath and opened the gin.

StuntGirl · 08/09/2013 01:50

I once called my brother - who lives 10 minutes away - to come and remove a wasp that was in my living room. I had barricaded myself in the kitchen and made him come round the back so I didn't have to go through the living room again.

I will also go and sleep in another room if there is a wasp/moth/spider/daddy longlegs in my bedroom.

I know they can't hurt me but I just can't be around them.

SupermansBigRedPants · 08/09/2013 03:08

My dp went on an unnecessary drive 40 miles away with his friends. I phoned him to moan while looking out the window and what did I see? A bloody fox wandering around my front green !! Did dp rush home? Did he feck

Your dp should come kill the spider seeing as mine didn't come scare the fox..

olidusUrsus · 08/09/2013 04:46

But Paul McKenna is like the Gillian McKeith of hypnosis

Chuck the hoover at it, turn hoover on. It's how I deal with it if no one is there to assist save me. I can't hold the hoover and hoover it because if it's a big one you can feel it rattle it's way up the pipes

Genuine real phobia disclaimer applies!

Antidote · 08/09/2013 05:37

[www.fearfighter.com]

Website for diy management of anxiety and phobias. I'm pretty sure you can just register and self treat. It is run by proper professionals, no quackery.

ChillieJeanie · 08/09/2013 08:25

awakemysoull: "Would a phycologist be useful to me?"

It might be worth a try. My Mum arranged for me to see one when I was 16, having realised that my phobia really was going to be an issue for me if I didn't get help. The trigger for action was after my brother had just gone to university, Mum had a meeting one evening, and I ended up having screaming hysterics because a spider ran out from under the armchair and sat under the coffee table. The policeman who lived next door came round, thinking I was being attacked, but it took me ages to get to the front door to open it because I (a) didn't want to take my eyes off the spider in case it moved and I didn't know where it had gone, and (b) didn't want to set foot on the floor.

Mum came home an hour or so later to find me sat at the top of the stairs, big, pink cuddly rabbit in one hand and a bottle of Malibu in the other, still sobbing.

The psychologist started off small, asking me to get books about spiders out of the library and see how long I could look at the colour pictures. On my first attempt I ended up throwing the book across the room when I unexpectedly came across a full page photo of a Chilean Rose spider. But we worked up from there to the point where I could actually hold a huge dead spider that had drowned in Grandad's bird bath.

I still freak out about spiders at 35, I don't think it ever completely goes away, but my Dyson and my cats are my methods of dealing now. Or failing that, a can of hairspray and a rolling pin. Although when I first moved into my own flat, I did actually get Mum to come across town to remove the first few spiders I encountered...

KristyThomas · 08/09/2013 08:50

Worra - What's the difference between a phobia and a severe dislike/fright? (Genuine question - my understanding was that 'a severe dislike/fright' was pretty much the definition of a phobia)

OP - Hope your DP rescued you when he eventually got home! I'm as terrified of spiders as you are, but I once heard that spraying diluted citronella oil around deters them and in my experience, it works! Just be careful if you have any pets, because citronella can be bad for some other animals too.

Fozziebearmum2be · 08/09/2013 09:08

I think many phobias are passed down from parents. E.g. I don't have a fear of spiders (my dad used to give them names and show any to me which loitered round the house so they had little characters) but have a fear of escalators (not a big fear, but get that from my mum).

You might want to consider CBT therapy, like someone else said they start off quite small-ie looking at a picture etc and then will graduate to something bigger, but whatever you can handle. It's at your won pace.

Not sure if you can get on the NHS for phobias, but if you go private worth looking in to.

Good luck

olidusUrsus · 08/09/2013 13:22

We're talking about things called specific phobias here, and I don't believe you can 'catch' them. It's thought that these phobias are genetically programmed into some of us as an evolutionary byproduct - we are scared of something (dangerous) so we avoid it to help us survive.

But now in modern society the danger is no longer present and people with phobias have an irrational anxiety over things that can cause them no harm.

The phobia is usually triggered by the brain before the age of 10. I doubt the triggering of a true phobia can happen by fears being shared, but it'd be interesting to read about if anyone knows of any papers that have been written.

There's a trypophobia thread running on MN at the moment, and I think that's a good example of phobias and how they are inherent. I was getting nervous because everyone was talking about scary, holey images.

When I looked it up, I felt a bit anxious because I'd been geared up for how gross it was going to be. But it wasn't to me, because I don't have trypophobia. Some others however, were truly repulsed, some already knowing the had trypophobia, some not.

It's thought by some that trypophobia developed to protect a person from disease for lots of reasons that I don't have time to go into right now

perplexedpirate · 08/09/2013 13:29

Massive kudos to OP for getting help with her phobia.

Flip

1 2