to think the way ex looks after our DC's is lazy and half assed?

[iwanttobelola]

Need an objective point of view.. not sure if my judgement is being clouded by my strong dislike of my ex
We have 3 DC's with the eldest starting high school last week, they go to their Dad's for one weekday and night and one weekend and night (ex's choice to fit in around his work)
When they stay there on the weekday the eldest (11yrs) gets the younger two (6yrs and 7yrs)their breakfast and makes sure they have had a wash, dressed etc then their Dad gets up 15 mins before they need to leave for school. Now the eldest is in high school he has to get the bus which leaves at 7.40 meaning he has 'taught' his younger brother (6yrs) how to get breakfast ready for him and his sister so that he can go and get the bus .. his Dad is still in bed when he leaves to get the bus so he makes his own lunch to take with him.
I feel this isn't his responsibility to do that their Dad should be up when they are and be doing all this and to see him out the door on time.

I have spoken to the DC's about it and they like the arrangement as it is 'like being a grown up', I have asked the ex if could not get up to see eldest off to school and he replied 'there is no need'

AIBU to want to insist that he gets his ass out of bed in the morning or they don't go there on a weekday or am I being over protective.?

[AmberLeaf]

That's a refreshingly candid answer, thank you!

You're welcome!

[hettienne]

Harm and resentment in your opinion, but not in the opinion of the children and parent involved.

[AmberLeaf]

The children don't know any different!

Resentment tends to come later in life.

[hettienne]

There's another thread at the moment about TVs in bedrooms. I could argue that letting a 5 year old have a TV in their bedroom is harmful and reduce contact with their parent accordingly, but would that be reasonable? I don't think so.

The point at which someone's parenting becomes so harmful that they should see less of their children is quite a bit higher than TV in bedrooms or primary school age children getting their own breakfasts.

[Snazzyenjoyingsummer]

Lazy. Sadly there is probably little you can do. I would note it down though so that if things ever escalated later on, you could show this was part of a pattern of being Not Really Bothered.

Serious question: does everyone who says 'my 6 yo makes their own cereal' keep everything very low down in their kitchen specially? My cereal is kept in an overhead cupboard, and my fridge is the top bit of a combined fridge-freezer, so a child would find it quite hard to get milk and cereal without climbing on stools and such. Do you leave it all ready or something?

[AmberLeaf]

Children taking on adult roles is not the same as a child learning to be independent at an appropriate age.

The OP has said her 11 yr old has taught the younger sibling to get his breakfast, that is what his Dad should be doing! That is an adult role.

[Mimishimi]

Ahhh. Oh well, at least they will be more self-reliant and if they don't mind, there's no harm. Unless the children are in danger, I'd keep out of it.

[iwanttobelola]

He is generally like this it seems ... on the weekend day they get themselves up and dressed and go and call on the friends who live down the road , then Dad gets up around 12pm and they return for lunch, in the school holidays they don't go out anywhere with him (apart from the food shopping) and if the younger ones ask him if they can 'go somewhere' his reply is 'that's what your Mother is for'.
In the 5 years since we have split up he has been on holiday but hasn't taken the kids away .. but then to be honest that was one of the factors in the split in the first place so why I think he would change really?

But he pulls out all the stops with birthday/Christmas presents (even to the point where last year he told the youngest that Father Christmas had 'had a word with him' and told him that he would have to buy the presents this year ..so he got the gratitude rather than the bearded bloke!) so to them I suppose its swings and roundabouts

Is it obvious I don't like him ?