Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go on MIL's birthday day out?

51 replies

HolaGuapo · 07/09/2013 12:48

It's DP's mums birthday today. We're in the process of moving in together, we got our keys today so he's been moving everything in. I couldn't get the day off work so he's been doing it with his parents and my family.
I won't finish work till 6 and won't get home till 7, I've worked a 46 hour week and I'm 19 weeks pregnant. I'm exhausted.
His mum wants to go to the seaside tomorrow for her birthday. This will involve a 4 hour round trip and me being sat in the back squashed between DP and his sister. He won't take us in his own car as he doesn't want to pay the petrol money. I'm so uncomfortable sat down for a long period of time and I just want to spend my only day off this week sorting our new apartment out and unpacking everything. I don't want to spend it in a car for 4 hours and then having to listen to his mum and sister talk incessantly about the baby all day. AIBU to stay at home? He says I'm being rude and ungrateful.

OP posts:
youmeatsix · 07/09/2013 12:50

he wont spend petrol money to ensure your comfort, and calls you rude & ungrateful? why are you moving in with him again??

Famzilla · 07/09/2013 12:54

Ungrateful for what exactly? The thrill of being squashed in a car for 4 hours to get to the bloody seaside and be bored out of your mind all day? (I live at the seaside, nowt going in here).

Feign some delayed morning sickness or something. And remind your to respect the feelings of the woman he planned to have a baby with.

Toohottohandle · 07/09/2013 12:57

Dont go

Original poster
HolaGuapo · 07/09/2013 12:58

Apparently I'm ungrateful because his mum has spent her birthday helping us move house...

OP posts:
Crumbledwalnuts · 07/09/2013 13:00

He doesn't sound very nice. Your mother in law sounds lovely. Can't you suggest taking her out for high tea or something next weekend instead.

tripecity · 07/09/2013 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

acer12 · 07/09/2013 13:03

What crumble said ^^

Famzilla · 07/09/2013 13:03

Does he usually use guilt as a way to control you?

It's just a day. She didn't have to do it if she didn't want to. Just like you don't have to.

Fairyegg · 07/09/2013 13:05

His parents have helped you move house, that probably wasn't their idea of fun either. You should go.

FannyMcNally · 07/09/2013 13:06

What crumble said but speak to mil yourself. I wouldn't trust him to relay the message as you would like!

Viking1 · 07/09/2013 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longtalljosie · 07/09/2013 13:07

You should go - but in your car.

PoppyAmex · 07/09/2013 13:11

"His parents have helped you move house, that probably wasn't their idea of fun either. You should go."

I agree, I'd go but only if we took our car.

RedHelenB · 07/09/2013 13:13

I think you should go tbh.

maddening · 07/09/2013 13:35

His parents helped their son and the mother of their grandchild move house - their son should go.

Yanbu

Whereisegg · 07/09/2013 13:36

I think you should go too actually.
Pref in your car, but if that's def a no no, I would make noises about nausea and sitting in the front as a way to help with this.

I imagine her spending her birthday lugging your stuff into your new house really wasn't get idea of fun and don't disagree that you not going is rude and ungrateful, actually.

TempusFuckit · 07/09/2013 13:37

Hmm. I can see why you don't want to go. It's a bit mean for you to end up with the worst seat in the car too - can't you at least get the front seat?

But I think you do have cause to be grateful, and the martyr brownie points you'll get from DP are worth more than a day to yourself.

Your ILs are about to start looming very large in your life. Best keep relations friendly for everyone's sanity.

Plus wouldn't you rather get the house in order with DP?

somersethouse · 07/09/2013 13:38

I think you should go.

Inertia · 07/09/2013 13:41

I think I would phone mil and explain that the position of the baby would make it too painful / uncomfortable for you to squash in the back of a car with 2 adults - perhaps she could persuade her son to drive ?

WifeofGru · 07/09/2013 13:42

I think that you should go although it sounds very much like you have decided not to. Alternatively arrange a nice meal out with in laws and partner as a thankyou for their help with the move? You're setting a tone for the future on this one. MIL being interested in the baby is lovely. takes time and effort to build relations with ILs.

Squitten · 07/09/2013 13:45

Why can't you sit in the front passenger seat...?

Lethologica · 07/09/2013 13:46

Your DP should go andyou should stay home. I would phone your DPs Mum and explain and propose a brunch or whatever next week.

Alternatively I would insist on the front seat.

Cerisier · 07/09/2013 13:47

I think DP is at fault here for being so petty about the petrol money. If you tire early out in the sun you will need the means to get home by yourself. You really won't want to be waiting on everyone else.

He must put you and the baby first, and I am sure his mother would understand if you had to leave early. Just knowing you have that option will make you feel better and you might last the whole day.

You can sort the flat out next weekend, but it would be nice to celebrate with MIL tomorrow especially as she has been so helpful today.

auntpetunia · 07/09/2013 13:49

I agree with with every one else only go if you go in his car! And if I read it right your parents helped with the move so PIL didn't have to. Am really not liking the penny pinching re petrol and guilt tripping you just as you move in together, and whilst your pregnant! Not a good combination ?

PotteringAlong · 07/09/2013 13:49

I think you should go too. Take a pillow for your back and sit in the front.