family meals in the evening

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In a number of European countries it is normal for families to eat together in the evening with a proper meal of two or three courses. We sit down together and eat at the same table at the same time with cutlery and we all eat the sametthing except where a person has a special diet.

The meals do not need to take a long time to make. It may be something like a bit of fish and some steamed vegetables with a mousse after or a pasta dish then poached pears.

The time for eating together is seen as sacrosanct and it isununusual for people to prioritise other things instead of the meal in the evening. It is normal whether the parents work full time or not. The other thing is that with a proper meal that smacks are not so common and not normal (so toddler wandering around with sippy cup and raisins would be seen as odd).

From mn I read threads where posters say there is no tlme t to eat together and kids are fed special food different from adults and sometimes it is even a sandwich.

Although I have lived in the UK for my whole life I didn't encounter much of this in my childhood as I always ate with my family and when I was a student and in my early twenties I thought it was just people being busy and a bit rebellious making them choose not to eat traditional meals.

But I know that some of my dc friends have meals from the microwave all at different times and the children eat fishfingers and beans while the adults eat normal food .it is also very common to snack and especially for toddlers the dc nursery found it odd when I asked that the dc didn't snack between meals. I didn't insist on this in the end as it would have been difficult for them.

Aibu to think the uk way of eating patterns is less healthy and ddoesn't expose dc to family conversation and greatervvariety of food?

Gouter? You've just described exactly what we call a snack in our house!

Today: DS has been to one rugby club with his mates. Came home 7.15 bolted food and has gone to a party in town. DH is at twickenham with three mates and god alone knows what time and state he will be home. DD has dragged round shops all afternoon to get the stuff she forgot to mention she needed for school. I had some commitments this morning and jobs to do at lunch time and am exhausted.

Hence buying an anti-pasti platter (yum) and some good bread from the local caff. It's on the kitchen counter for folk to have as they want. I' having a little bit and mainly wine for dinner.

I think for some people food is a hobby. Fair enough. I always wondered who the hell watched cooking programmes on telly as to me they are dull, dull, dull , but there must be some people who enjoy that kind of stuff. The superiority that goes with that is a bit incomprehensible, though.

I couldn't say that it is slatternly, and a mark of a mind devoid of imagination and lacking in individuality to not make your own furnishings and have your own art on the walls.

toys

We only have a table big enough for two people to eat at, and no space for a bigger table. So DS eats with either DH or I and the other person eats in the lounge.

This is partly why I am really really looking forward to moving. We will get room for a table in the kitchen diner, a garage and a downstairs toilet. And a garden that you could actually kick a football in (very gently, but enough for DS who is 2).

Sadly all sitting round a table is not always possible if you live in a small modern house/flat. They aren't built with rooms big enough.

Yy vjay, we have a table that would in theory seat four, but only if pulled away from wall into middle of room, and with all the toys and school stuff cleared off it. I dream of dining rooms.

Sorry, vj

You eat in pyjamas? And go to sleep with no time to digest the food? That sounds as strange to me as my family's eating habits would sound to you.

sameold: I was wondering the same thing..

Jan49 3 big meals a day is not a normal human eating pattern and is not healthy. It is far better to keep blood sugar levels even and have 3 smaller meals plus two snacks - you actually end up eating less.

A healthy snack for a toddler can be wholemeal pitta bread sticks with a bit of hummus, fresh fruit and a small helping of cheese, oat biscuits with something on them - we're not talking a helping of chicken nuggets, bowls of crisps or chocolate here. My two most certainly needed snacks between meals when they were little, and now that DD1 is almost a teenager she needs them again. She's grown 5 inches in the last year and shows no sign of stopping.

Obesity is what you get when you feed too much of the wrong food at the wrong time, not what you get when you feed sensible food when they need it.

Pointy, I appreciate that there are good and bad snacks and I didn't suggest anyone should be on 3 BIG meals a day. I'd assume breakfast lunch and dinner means 1 big meal a day, that is, dinner. Also it doesn't follow that just because a child has snacks they will also be eating smaller main meals. They might be eating enormous amounts 5 or 6 times a day including meals and snacks. To me, giving a dc snacks as well as meals just sounds like they're being encouraged to constantly eat. If a child is constantly hungry despite eating well, wouldn't you seek medical advice rather than feed them constantly? Anyway, each to his or her own.

Don't idolise other European countries I've been hosting Spanish/ Italian students for years and manners are often not great and they don't all eat as a family often. Also the tend to be mono cultural balk at curry or Asian food if its not traditional Italian they won't eat it.

Dh doesn't get in til 7.30 can't expect my 4 year old to wait til 8 to eat.

We usually eat as a family but I don't see it as being that important. I give the children their food earlier if DH is going to be late home from work as I don't think that it is a good idea for them to eat just before going to bed.

I ate my food before my parents as a child even at weekends (my parents never eat before 8 p.m. even today) and I don't think that it has had any adverse effects. The main thing is that you eat healthily surely? Can't see the problem with snacks either as long as they're healthy.

jan49 - as i said higher up the thread, if a child is growing very quickly they require more energy. at this stage i would expect a child to be constantly hungry, especially if they were very active and did lots of sport. under these circumstances i would be more worried if they weren't eating all the time

DS 4 has a Spanish childminder. I was shocked at the amount he gets fed there: fruit and yoghurt or biscuit at 10am, two course lunch (properly cooked meal plus pudding) at 12.30 plus a 'snack' of a sandwich / cheese and biscuits plus fruit or ice cream

No wonder he is always in a good mood for her! I am under feeding him.

(She and her DCs are all slim as rakes btw)

The snack is in the afternoon around 3 btw

we all eat together every night,dh comes home from work at 6 ish and i try to make dinner ready for around that time,i give the kids a snack when they get in,usually fruit with something else,so they dont get too hungry.

I have had au pairs from france and spain and they both said thts the way they did things too,but later,dinner over there is more like 8pm,but i guess the pace of life is different and they have the siesta in spain (not sure about france)I worked as an au pair in spain and italy for years and i saw it there too.

kids eating something for kids at an earlier time seems to be an english thing,as does them going to bed at 7 pm every night.i like to try and do things the more "European" way,its much more fun for everyone.

Eating together as a family is a positive thing. it's nice to have that time together and eat in one sitting IMHO.
I don't think it's particularly a uk thing to either snack or have seperate meals. Some ppl need to snack and others don't. Most kids will need to eat between a midday lunch and a 7 or 8pm supper. So either parents need to be available and happy to eat at five ish, or they don't eat supper together or the DCs need to snack.
I don't think a daily shared meal is essential tbh. Either for communication or nutrition.
If you eat too much you will become overweight. As there is so much food available it probably makes sense for ppl (within reason) to just eat when they're hungry.
What works for some families is undesirable for others.
What works on a week day might change at the weekend.

So, I think YAbu in your assertion because it's too simplistic and generalising of different cultures.

I'm European (British) and we do as your family. Kids have a 'gouter' (French for snack...) a few hours before a proper cooked meal, with le cutlery and everything. This is pretty normal on both sides of la Manche.

ATM we all eat together at around five or six. Our work patterns allow for this. My eldest DC is not yet three, and I have discovered he sleeps best if in bed by 730.
I would imagine when the DCs are older, with a later bedtime, we might all eat later. I never ate before 7 before I became a mother (other than in childhood).
When in a hot climate DS woud nap in the afternoon and we all ate together at sound 8pm, because it was cooler then.

I like eating with my kids. It's quite fun. I love being with them. I can "show them how to eat" and only have one lot of mess to clear up and when they're in bed I don't have to start cooking again.
But sometimes I think I'd like to give them "tea" and pop them to bed and have a grown up meal, very occasionally, with my DH. This has not happened since my DS was born.
So, that is why I think that flexibility is the key.

Haha jan I can just imagine how delighted gps would be if parents made appointments to tell them worriedly that their skinny teenage son or football-mad 4 yo wants to eat in between meals. I think the answer may well be that they are active, growing children and need more opportunities to eat than adults.

We mainly sit down and eat the same meal. But dh sometimes comes late and if I don't know then his tea is left for him to eat when he gets in. He does "On Call" every 15 days so I normally eat with the children then. Sometimes I meet friends for dinner, so if dh isn't home the children eat together and I sit with them with a drink of juice.

Well, it depends what you all do after school/work doesn't it?

There cannot be this rule we all must follow-family dinner at 7pm. Because we are not all the same people.

I have 3 DCs who all do various extra curricular activities.
I finish work at 5:30. DH finishes anywhere between 4pm-6pm.

Everyone eating a 2 course meal at 7pm wouldn't actually work for us. Unless no one ever did any sports/drama/clubs in the evening.

It seems bizarre to assume that your way is the right way. It isn't, it's just your way.

We do what works for us. I have never felt the need to tell anyone else that their children must join a football team or a drama club or a swimming club, just because that's what my children do.

My DH is from a European country. Friends of his came over to stay. Kids went to bed 10/11pm. Wake up around 9-10am next day. I asked how they managed at school. Answer: they often go to school without breakfast (which is only usually milky coffee and a biscuit, very healthy that) as they are so hard to wake. On, and they're not doing very well at school. Wonder why?

My DS has his tea around 530pm because he goes to bed at 7pm. In the uk, most children go to bed early so they have adequate sleep before a school day.

My MIL spends nearly all day in the kitchen preparing that simple 2-3 course meal (lunch - evening meal is either pizza out or something similar). She told me that the toddler groups I attend with DS wouldn't work in her country as the mothers need to be at home preparing their husbands' meals!!

We eat together at about 8pm. DH is rarely in before 7 and frequently after, but it's important to me that we sit together around a table and have conversation. DS is 2 1/2 and goes to bed around 8.30 to 9, and wakes around 7.30. It may need to be tweaked on timings in the future but at present it works well for us. A late time for eating and bed allows DS to nap around 4-6. If he napped earlier in the afternoon, it would write off several activities we do. Despite DS's allergies, we've usually managed the same adapted meal. Sometimes there are variations, but rarely something totally different.

It's important to me, partly because it was a family time growing up, and my friend's fragmented eating time put me off that concept. Her DF came home from work late, then went running so ate later. The DCS ate at around 6 and their mum had a partial meal/ snack, and then ate with the DF which contributed to her being overweight (and trying to diet). My friend was anorexic. I know what the root cause was, but I think the fragmented, incidental way that food/ meals was treated didn't help support a healthier attitude to food in the face of the other issues going on. I'm not convinced that a 2wk holiday of quality time was enough to compensate for 50 fragmented weeks a year.