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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be astonished that secondary kids can't do up a tie

146 replies

SEmyarse · 05/09/2013 21:05

Dd1 started secondary today. She has a muscle condition which means that her fingers (amongst other things) are very weak, and she also has very poor co-ordination.

She manages her condition so well in almost every way, and really hates attention being brought to it, so has been practicing doing a tie all summer. She would be mortified to have to ask a teacher to help at this age.

So imagine her surprise when having had PE today, at least 10 kids couldn't get their ties back on, and had to form a queue to get the teacher to help.

Now I get that they've not worn them before, and no-one learns anything instantly but a) why have the parents not taught them? b) why are the kids not concerned themselves that they'll be seen as babies? Someone must have put them on this morning, so they must have been aware they couldn't do them. This doesn't seem like the sort of stuff secondary teachers should have to do.

OP posts:
MrsMelons · 06/09/2013 10:58

There are bound to be some children who are unable to do these things but I would imagine that for it to be a 3rd of the class would be odd, a few maybe.

I think it is rude to suggest the child (or parent) is lazy, the only time this would apply is if neither the parent or child have bothered to try which would appear to be the case described by the OP.

eddiemairswife · 06/09/2013 12:23

Husband could tie own tie but not tie on someone else. I remember 2hours after birth of no4 5yr old no1 arrived in the bedroom because,"Daddy can't do my tie."

GwenCooper81 · 06/09/2013 12:55

Our school has just started wearing ties. They were delivered in class yesterday. Loads of the parents looked stumped, DH soon had a que waiting for him to the them -last time he'll do the School run on his holidays-.
My 8 year old has taught herself as asking for help is 'lame ' Hmm My 5 old is learning to do shoelaces and seems to adopt a similar style with her tie, took me ten mins to undo the 'box ' this morning.
-reminder to self, buy the clip on next time -
yanbu, at that age most children should be able to do it.

GwenCooper81 · 06/09/2013 12:58

BOW not box!

Hulababy · 06/09/2013 12:59

Dd learnt how to tie her tie aged 4y. Wasn't great initially but by half term she had mastered it. Until she did we showed her how to just loosen it and then tighten it again after PE.

By secondary they should really be able to learn before starting school in the holidays. I'm surprised a secondary teacher will do it tbh.

Greavesey · 06/09/2013 13:11

I pitched up to school on my first day with a full blown windsor knot that I'd practiced all summer. Peanutted.

In primary I had a tie with elastic!!

Do secondary school kids not YouTube everything like this anyway?

Runningchick123 · 06/09/2013 13:38

Shocked at the amount of adults (men in particular) who can't tie a tie.
I can only do a basic four in hand knot, but my husband and primary aged son can both do a half Windsor and full Windsor knot.
Fair enough if somebody has never worn a tie as they have had no reason to learn, but several people have wrote that their husbands/ children just loosen the knot and put it over their head, which means they wear a tie regularly.
You can teach yourself to tie a tie from the Internet.

TigerseyeMum · 06/09/2013 20:24

I remember being 11 and having to queue after PE to get my tie re-done, as did most of the class. I'd never worn one before.

And in those days you didn't have YouTube to show you and Mizz didn't do articles on tie knots so who would have taught me? My parents worked in factories, rarely wore ties and I suppose it just didn't occur to them.

Maybe they thought if a school wants its pupils to wear a tie it'll teach them how to.

Capitola · 06/09/2013 20:33

Our ds has just started secondary school and until a week ago had no idea how to tie a tie.

He had only ever worn one once, aged 8, when it was part of his compulsory Holy Communion dress.

I think he is coping OK - he has cottoned on to slipping it over his head for PE.

frogspoon · 06/09/2013 21:22

I'm a teacher and the school I work in has ties, and some of the kids do have difficulty. There are usually a few who do the ties for the whole class.

Unfortunately I can't do up ties, so I can't help them!

littlemog · 06/09/2013 21:44

It should be a skill that parents impart to their children when school uniforms require it (if not before). If the parent does not know then they should bloody well teach themselves and then teach their children and not expect teachers to do it for them.

As for clip on ties....words fail me....

littlemog · 06/09/2013 21:45

Unless poor motor skills require such a thing.

AnneUulmelmahay · 06/09/2013 22:45

Clip on ties v popular in some areas, can you think of a reason for this, littlemog? [Head tilt]

littlemog · 06/09/2013 22:59

Yes - lazy parents.

AnneUulmelmahay · 06/09/2013 23:53

Any other reason why clip on ties are used? Have a think, go on.

pigletmania · 07/09/2013 00:04

I don't know how to tie a tie, but I've never had to!

Ericaequites · 07/09/2013 00:07

Police in the States wear clip on tie so that an aggressive criminal can't try to close them by yanking on their tie.

EduCated · 07/09/2013 00:16

We used to survive by putting a 2p coin in the knot so people couldn't strangle you pull it tight. As well as the obligatory huge knot, short front bit and tucking the long thin bit into your shirt, obvs Wink

LegoDragon · 07/09/2013 04:10

Clip on ties are so much better. If you HAVE to have a tie, that is. You are wearing a tie without the effort and no one can sneak up behind you and strangle you with them Smile

CharityFunDay · 07/09/2013 04:37

When I were a nipper the kids who wore clip-on/elasticated ties were regarded as Bennies who probably still wet themselves. It was a badge of shame.

coco27 · 07/09/2013 04:48

My DCs state primary required tying ties from reception, and after a fewweeks all the 4 yos could do it.

littlemog · 07/09/2013 09:18

Anne - give up, go on tell me.....

Dobbiesmum · 07/09/2013 09:48

Problem with clip on ties is that they get lost too bloody easily. DS went through 4 in year 7 (a clip on was obligatory for yr 7) before he gave up and went onto a yr 8 tie. The older kids did what is known as 'flipping', flipping the tie up and off as they walked past them in the corridors. Very easy to lose a tie in that situation.
This lazy parent thing is really pissing me off, as I mentioned up thread some children just take longer to learn than others. I'm very pleased for the parents of 4 year olds who managed to learn how to tie the perfect knot in under a minute, really I am but don't judge other parents whose children take longer and need a bit of help. You have NO idea whatsoever how much work it can take for some people to get the hang of things that you so smugly dismiss as simple.

pointythings · 07/09/2013 15:28

littlemog it's called strangulation. 'Proper' ties can be a weapon of violence in the hands of bullies. As for the rest of your comment - judgy pants fitting nicely, are they?

Dobbiesmum DD1 has managed her entire Yr7 without losing a clip on tie. She was a devil for losing PE kit though, fortunately it all came back.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 07/09/2013 15:39

I'm clearly a total knob 'cos I think it's unreasonable for any man not to be able to tie a bow tie, let alone a double windsor on a normal tie...

And anyone at a tie wearing secondary should be thoroughly ashamed to need help to get one back on - I would have been, but I'd been wearing ties for years Hmm

I'm a closet tie snob Blush

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