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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to this wedding?

38 replies

YouareNOTfat · 05/09/2013 20:32

Sil is getting married at the weekend.

I hate weddings anyway, dislike getting dressed up and having to make dmalltalk with people I don't know or particularly like.

I've had a horrible day/week. Work has had a major reshuffle and I've been put into a job I hate. with the most unfriendly unhelpful people I've ever met. Everyone is unhappy yet its all going ahead regardless, and Yeh only logic behind it is that they are doing it to make redundancies easier. Got shouted at in front of everyone twice today for things that were not my fault but things other people had told me to do. I'd give anything to have my old job back but it's not going to happen and I'm miserable.

I'm knackered already from it all and ds has come home today after only two days back at school with a lost coat, lost water bottle and ripped brand new trousers.

May be ott but I sat and cried when I got home. All I want to do at the weekend is hire away, I get quite anxious when I'm stressed and it's going to mentally exhaust me.

I've got to go haven't I.

OP posts:
Original poster
YouareNOTfat · 05/09/2013 20:33

Sorry for typos on my phone.

OP posts:
Taffeta · 05/09/2013 20:33

You have got to go. Im sorry youre having such a shitty time. How can you make it more bearable?

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt · 05/09/2013 20:33

Is this your DH's sister? Of course you have to go. Sorry!

ihatethecold · 05/09/2013 20:34

I think you will have to go.

Your week sounds grim..

Maybe just drink all the freeWine

Taffeta · 05/09/2013 20:34

Can you pretend you have an ear infection and can't hear anything and drink lots of champagne?

Bowlersarm · 05/09/2013 20:34

Yes I think so.

I just don't think weddings should be attended if you feel like it or not.

It was a commitment you made a while ago I assume, and you should do the right thing and go.

Maybe you will enjoy it more than you think.

Chottie · 05/09/2013 20:36

Tomorrow is another day and you might feel completely different at the weekend.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 05/09/2013 20:36

Im sorry you feel so low.
Maybe making the effort to go out and have some fun is just what you need.
I felt crap a while ago (no where near as bad as I imagine you're feeling) and forced myself to go to a friends party. I had a brilliant tine and was so glad I went.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 05/09/2013 20:38

Yep you have to go. Can you think of it as a fun jolly to cheer you up after a shit week? Hopefully there'll be Wine and Cake

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 05/09/2013 20:38

You have to go - that would be do horribly hurtful for SIL if you didn't

Sorry you've had a bad week but I'm a bit Shock that your reaction would be to not attend the wedding

These things are always better than you think they'll be when you get there

mumofweeboys · 05/09/2013 20:39

Go and then have some glasses of your favourite tipple, where else could you drink early in the day

sarascompact · 05/09/2013 20:41

"You have got to go"! Got to??!! Shock Hmm

Of course you don't have to go! The world won't suddenly end if you don't! How ridiculous!

All it takes is a polite phone call to explain that you're feeling utterly dreadful/under the weather/however you'd like to phrase it. Can we presume that your husband's going? If so all the more reason for you to decline as he'll be there to wish the couple well. Even if he isn't there's still no reason why you should run yourself ragged, end up resenting everyone around you and put your own family and welfare second to a wedding.

WaitMonkey · 05/09/2013 20:41

You have to go. Sometimes I dread going to places, but enjoy myself in the end.

AdmiralData · 05/09/2013 20:41

YANBU for thinking that you don't want to. I have a severe anxiety disorder which leaves me housebound most days unless friend/family member is with me and people don't realise how bad it can be. My suggestion is ... have a pre drinky drinky. Then try to enjoy. Ask your gp for diazepam for the stress? HTH.

Bowlersarm · 05/09/2013 20:42

Hope you're not a friend of mine in RL sara

Retroformica · 05/09/2013 20:42

Go and spend all your time enjoying your kids and chilling.

Serialdrinker · 05/09/2013 20:43

Yeah you've got to go, yanbu for not wanting to go though! What kind of place do you work where it is acceptable to shout at you in front of your colleagues though? Shout back next time or flip them the bird. (Maybe do that in you head).

CHJR · 05/09/2013 20:44

Of course you have to go, 'twill only make things worse if you don't. (Imagine SIL on MN re: her evil relative failing to show at her very important wedding at no notice ...Grin) Dress in something you know you look great in, get enough sleep the night before, don't drink too much there, and look for some fun conversations with guests you've never met before, studded with jokes about "me and my flaky DS," "me and my dreadful job" if that helps (your fellow-guests may also have had bad weeks and do NOT want to meet anyone annoyingly perfect or happy, thank you very much), or about something else totally if that works better. Worst come to worst fall in bed afterwards knowing you went the extra mile for someone else's sake and are officially a Good Person therefore God owes you a better week next week.

sarascompact · 05/09/2013 20:45

Unlikely, Bowlersarm.

FamiliesShareGerms · 05/09/2013 20:47

Sorry, I think there are some things we do have to do, which includes going to important life events of our family members which we have committed to a while ago. Although I completely understand the desire to just curl up and have a quiet weekend, having a shitty week at work doesn't come close to the sort of excuse that is acceptable for missing your husband's sister's wedding.

And who knows? Maybe you'll meet someone at the wedding who needs a new member of staff and can offer you a fabulous new job so you can leave the rubbish one behind?! Maybe not, but you definitely won't if you stay at home instead

girliefriend · 05/09/2013 20:48

As someone who has been to four thats four weddings this year, three of which were within a two week period - I kid you not Shock I say woman up and go to the wedding!!

You have had a shit week but seriously the wedding won't be that bad, you never know you might even enjoy it Smile

raisah · 05/09/2013 20:51

Go and have a brilliant time, use it as a distraction after the awful week that you have had. I am not brilliant in large groups but I find saying hello & chatting briefly & keeping busy helpful. So either help with rhe bridal party or keep busy with kids & see it as precious family time. If your dc are young pack toys & bubbles & spend time having fun and creating memories with them.

I am sorry you are having a tough time at work. Do you think it is time to move on?

Original poster
YouareNOTfat · 05/09/2013 20:52

Thanks all. I will go as I'd feel far too rude not to. Just dreading it.

I'm not really a party person. In fact I'm not at all a party person. I don't drink alcohol at all. Someone close to me has a drink problem and it's put me off booze for life. Plus alcohol just makes me feel very yuck. Ds has been a monster lately, possibly because he's sensing my stress and I'm dreading him playing up, especially as he's going to be the only child there.

My ideal de stress would be a walk in the park to feed the ducks, a warm bath and an early night. Oh and if I stay up past 11 I start yawning and falling asleep. Fun aren't I?

It's amazing how work has such a big impact on your happiness, if works ok I feel I can cope with anything.

OP posts:
cantthinkofagoodone · 05/09/2013 20:53

Trying to put this nicely... It's not really about you so maybe try to think about your sil and focus on enjoying yourself rather than being a negative ninny!

attheendoftheday · 05/09/2013 20:54

Sorry, I think it would be very rude and inconsiderate not to go. You could go for the minimum polite time then go home feigning illness, though.