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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that there isn't anything wrong with being a Sugar Baby?

74 replies

IAmMiranda · 05/09/2013 18:27

Been reading a lot on the "sugar world" since a friend (let's call her Sugar) told me she was considering becoming a "Sugar Baby".

A lot of people compare it to prostitution but to me it seems more like a relationship without the commitment. (The normal "arrangements" anyway).

Sugar is afraid that people will get the wrong idea and think that she is a slag but she prefers older men and wants to be looked after.

Of course she will need to be sensible and be safe and whilst it isn't a lifestyle choice I would make I respect her and will be there for her if she needs me.

But I'm curious about what other people think of the Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby thing? Does anyone know any?

Best sources of reference I have found has been Arrangement site

Blog of a Sugar Baby - I admit that it took a bit of searching to find a blog written by someone who came across as thoughtful and intelligent, there were a lot there that some may label as "Chavs"

OP posts:
cushtie335 · 05/09/2013 19:23

What a nasty, shitty thread.

Boosterseat · 05/09/2013 19:32

I'm so pretty and empowered and sexy and amazing and entitled to a good life so why shouldn't I be a sugar baby!

Like omg, yeah I mean its not like I'm worried when I get older and a bit saggy that I won't be as desirable because he's bound to fall in love with my wit,intelligence and see my inner beauty and it will all be right pretty womanesque.

FFS Hmm

cushtie335 · 05/09/2013 19:41

Yeah, like rinsing guys is anything to be proud of?

Seriously OP, fuck off.

YouTheCat · 05/09/2013 19:50

Not this again. Hmm

Yonionekanobe · 05/09/2013 19:50

This is acutely depressing. And now bloody google is going to be posting ads for sugar daddies or babies (grim expression) all over the web pages of anyone who clicked on that link.

GingerBlackAndOriental · 05/09/2013 20:11

I didn't click on the links. You don't need to see any frame or form of reference to know that it's prostitution with a fluffy name.

RestlessSoul · 05/09/2013 20:33

I read one of her blog posts, very depressing. It talks about what if the sugar 'daddy' (anyone else slightly creeped out by the use of daddy?) isn't attractive.

What I understood from her blog was basically close your eyes and think of the money, the comments on that post were very sad...one gay sugar baby was saying how his sugar daddy was short, fat and double his age but he enjoyed being spoilt so he went along with it.

How can some people be willing to do this? Where is their self-respect? Are naice things and money really worth selling your body for?

RestlessSoul · 05/09/2013 20:34

YABVU btw, there is everything wrong with being a sugar baby/daddy.

BlazinStoke · 05/09/2013 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlazinStoke · 05/09/2013 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SterlingCooperDraperPryce · 05/09/2013 20:54

this is just your cack handed way of advertising your website isn't it IamMiranda ?

Calloh · 05/09/2013 20:58

IAmMiranda sorry to have got a little heated, you were very clear that you were only saying a few marriages could be described as prostitution and I'm sure working as a nanny you do get to know a family in depth. If you have seen that that us depressing.

The thing about the term prostitution is it seems to shunt all the blame to the vendor. At least the sugar daddy baby (nauseating and creepy as those terms are) suggest a certain equality in the relationship - which is probably not reflected in reality.

I just viscerally loathe the idea of an aged man petting a 'princess' for his sexual kicks and her wallet. However if they are both getting their kicks from it that's fine.

Is it not demeaning and damaging though to see yourself as either desirable only in financial terms, presumably it's hard to sustain any form of outside relationship with anyone else?

raisah · 05/09/2013 22:11

Isn't it another term for a prostitute? The exchange of money & or material goods for sex.

Notadad78 · 02/03/2017 06:09

Sorry for reviving a zombie thread but I just thought I'd share my story because it relates to the OP.

I'm a single man, fast approaching forty, never married and with no kids, not ugly, reasonable job and a humble home of my own, who's recently become romantically involved with a thirty two year old woman. I've known her for four years and always liked her but we'd always had partners before so it was only ever platonic. When she found out I was single she sent a very direct message over Facebook and I accepted. After the third (consensual and amazing) time together within the space of a week, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She went quiet, the atmosphere changed. After a bit of coaxing I found out that she can't be my girlfriend because she has a 'Sugar Daddy', an ugly, overweight but rich geezer, old enough to be her father and then some.

I find the whole idea of it nauseating and sickening. He approached her at the school gates eighteen months back after discovering that her cheating ex had gone and, knowing of her financial problems, made her a low ball offer, £1000 a month, to accompany him on his business outings, cuddle up with him on his sofa in the evenings, perform secretarial work for him and have sex with him when he demands it.

She likes me, she wants to be with me but she doesn't feel comfortable with taking my help to support her three children. I offered to support her as much as I could but since we've only just recently become involved she feels it would be too much to ask of me to take on that responsibility. I'd sooner accept that responsibility than accept that she's being exploited and used by someone who she thinks is a sociopath and who she doesn't find remotely attractive. You're right - Women in these sham 'relationships' do find it difficult to have meaningful relationships outside of their arrangements.

She's said that she's going to try to get out of it herself, that it's not my role to help her. Personally, now I know about this guy's wealth and sociopathic tendencies, I'm quite worried about how he'll react if/when she tells him she wants out. IMO, calling it a 'Sugar Daddy/Baby relationship' is simply re-branding prostitution, nastily at that, the exploitation is just as real and the risks just as high, potentially higher because the John may be deluding himself that since he socializes with you and it's not 'just' sex, that you have meaningful feelings for him and that he owns more of you than just the right to have sex with you. The danger of breaking off this kind of 'contract' is very real. I'd say to any woman contemplating engaging in this sort of 'agreement' to think very, very carefully. Hell, that's a lie, I'd tell them NEVER to sleep with anyone for any reason other than mutual attraction and respect.

Wish me luck, I don't know how this is going to pan out yet but I'm quite stressed and pretty heartbroken right now. I'm just glad I've not got any daughters, frankly, this is a horrible world.

SituationNormalAllFuctup · 02/03/2017 06:48

Ummm...NotADad it might be wise to start a thread of your own rather than post on a zombie. A zombie of this ilk is not the way to go either Grin

Trifleorbust · 02/03/2017 07:09

There are worse ways to make a living in my humble opinion, but many, many better. I would worry about her long term future and mental health. It is also a deeply unhealthy and irresponsible dynamic in terms of encouraging someone to relate to women as commodities.

Trifleorbust · 02/03/2017 07:09

Ah just saw the ZOMBIE!

sofiainwonderland · 02/03/2017 07:13

Such a sad life one must have if they resort to this thing for £... these are the people who look at getting money but doing no work...

Trifleorbust · 02/03/2017 07:21

Ah just saw the ZOMBIE!

TeaCake5 · 02/03/2017 07:29

"Sugar girl" er no its gobbling blokes off for cash.

Tobuyornot99 · 02/03/2017 07:37

www.elitecourtesans.co.uk/suzy/do-sugar-daddy-websites-really-work
OP get your friend to read this article. It's by the Madam of a high class escort agency. Basically says if you want to be an escort, great, be one, but please don't think that the "sugar" life is anything but a con.

shovetheholly · 02/03/2017 07:51

notadad - how gutwrenching for you, that's a truly horrible situation.

I think this is a form of exploitation, and I place the blame entirely with the sick individuals who aren't men enough to have a proper, balanced relationship with someone their own age.

Notadad78 · 02/03/2017 08:01

Thank you Tobuyornot and shovetheholly, I think she's realising that what's going on is wrong and that she's the victim in it all. I suspect that she was in an angry place after her last long term relationship failed and that she thought somehow that she was empowered because she could sell something that to her, following the way the fathers of her children treated her, had little value.

It's tragic, she's beautiful, witty and clever but sees herself as everything but.

I'm heartbroken for her and raging at him. He isn't a real man at all and doesn't deserve a woman of her age or any age for that matter. He's the one who's done and is doing wrong.

shovetheholly · 02/03/2017 08:16

I have schoolfriends who dipped into prostitution when things got really bad Sad One was tragically murdered by a john. I have so much rage against these men who think they are entitled to buy a body, and a lot of time and empathy for the women who end up in the terrible situation of selling themselves. (It is not for want of strength or character in most cases!) I imagine it may take your gf some time to recover - counselling may be really helpful in restoring her self-esteem, which has clearly taken a hammering. I hope you guys can get through this together, supporting one another. Best wishes to both of you.

LittleLionMansMummy · 02/03/2017 08:44

Two words: Melania Trump. Does she look happy to you op? I have no strong views on whether it's a form of prostitution or not, but it can certainly make women very vulnerable to abuse. I wish women had enough respect for themselves in this day and age to make a successful life for themselves without being beholden to rich old men.

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