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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave dh with detailed notes about baby when i go?

36 replies

Peanutbutternutter419 · 05/09/2013 15:19

I genuinely dont know if he would prefer it or feel offended by it so please share...

I m going away for the weekend tomorrow and leaving baby with my dh for 3 days. Although dh spends loads of time with ds, he still forgets when he has milk, lunch etc and has often tried to put ds down for a nap without his bottle and then wonders why he wont sleep

But i dont want to leave a detailed list as i want him to do things his own way this weekend so he can build up some confidence... But im so worried he's going to miss a bottle or forget to sterilise them etc.

What do you think?

OP posts:

LifeofPo · 05/09/2013 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VacantExpression · 05/09/2013 15:21

How old is baby?

cathpip · 05/09/2013 15:22

He will figure it out by himself, they can actually surprise you with their competence, I know mine did. Have a lovely weekend!

absentmindeddooooodles · 05/09/2013 15:23

Depwnds how old baby is. If very young still I would leave vital bits of info. I think if I had done this dp would have been really offended.....although id still have left a note otherwise he would have had no clue bless him.

tywysogesgymraeg · 05/09/2013 15:26

I wouldn't either.

My DH would be most offended if I left him with an instruction list.

Sure, he might not do things the way you do them, but your way is not necessarily the "right way" - it's just your way. DH is not going to harm DC in anyway.

Who cares whether the baby has milk at the "right" time? He'll make it known well enough when he's hungry.

Who cares whether DH forgets to give the baby a bottle at nap time? He'll either go to sleep or he won't - DH will figure it out.

I'm sure unsteralised bottles won't kill DC either. I bet he picks up loads of stuff off the floor and puts it in his mouth.

They will have a lot of fun together, breaking all the rules, and DH will get to appreciate just how much work it is looking after a baby.

diddl · 05/09/2013 15:29

Ask him if he'd like you to jot a few things down?

How can he forget when baby has milk/lunch??!!

Is baby on a schedule that needs sticking to?

KellyElly · 05/09/2013 15:31

If you are going to stress while you are away just leave a list and just be quite dismissive about it and say 'I'm sure you won't need it but just in case...'

KellyElly · 05/09/2013 15:32

How old is ds?

diddl · 05/09/2013 15:36

I might for example tell him that you've found that your son naps better after a bottle, but really it's up to your husband.

Surely if he's tired(son, that is!), he'll nap?

breatheslowly · 05/09/2013 15:38

I would, but my DH would ask me to.

jendot · 05/09/2013 15:57

Yes yes yes......deffo leave a very detailed list! Just pop it on the fridge door and say, this is our usual routine just incase you need to refer to it.... Don't make a big thing about it.
Then you can rest easy for the weekend!! If dh needs the routine great, if not no harm done.

Flossie82 · 05/09/2013 16:08

Why don't you ask him if he wants you to leave a list? Yes - leave one, No - leave him to get on with it in his own way

turkeyboots · 05/09/2013 16:18

I wrote the broad routine on the whiteboard in the kitchen when DD was a baby. DH later admitted he was initially cross but it had been invaluable as he is totally disorganised normally. It taught him to plan when he realised why DD was being uncooperative!

Beastofburden · 05/09/2013 16:19

I think you should not undermine his sense of being able to cope. It is better to have a confident dad than to make him think you are the only person who can do it right. You will get loads more help if he owns the solution, as they say.

If you leave a list it will contain some absolutely useful stuff, no doubt, but mainly it will be a statement of how you prefer to do stuff. Let him do it his way. No doubt if DS wont sleep he will remember- ah, yes, the bottle.

Be prepared for it to turn out that some of your routine isnt necessary after all.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/09/2013 16:21

How old is the baby?

But no, I wouldn't leave a list. DH is just as much our children's parent as I am, and therefore just as capable of looking after them.

WafflyVersatile · 05/09/2013 16:23

I'm sure he'll cope if he's used to doing stuff with baby.

You never used to do all this stuff and you managed.

ithaka · 05/09/2013 16:26

I would leave him to it. A list now is a rod for your own back later - you'll have to do everything child related because you have set the culture that only you know how to do it properly.

If you value your freedom & independence, let your DH work it out for himself, bond with his child without being 'managed' by you & your life will be better further down the line when you want a bit of space.

cestlavielife · 05/09/2013 16:28

if it makes youfeel better then just write a ist of main feeds and times and put up some place for both of you.

then leave him to it.

it wont hurt baby if he misses one feed or sleeps at a diff time.

MammaTJ · 05/09/2013 16:30

I wouldn't, but then I expect more from my DP than to have to.

When my DS was three months old and DD was 15 months old, I got rushed to hospital, no time for lists and DP coped because he was and is very much a part of the DCs day to day routine.

He will learn because he will have to. A crying baby teaches a parent far more effectively than a list can.

exoticfruits · 05/09/2013 17:17

I wouldn't- I don't expect that you would take it well to have him going out of the door and saying 'oh, don't forget to ..........' Or finding he had pinned you up a timetable- so I can't see why he should be different.

NotYoMomma · 05/09/2013 17:59

if dh had done this to me even if he was the 'main carer' I would have given him a mouthful

meditrina · 05/09/2013 18:02

I wouldn't. He may do things differently, but they'll both survive.

minibmw2010 · 05/09/2013 19:46

I did. He doesn't have to look at it of he doesn't want to but always handy to have. Mine asked for one!

animaniac · 05/09/2013 19:51

I would talk him through the main things (feed times, best way to get baby to sleep etc) and let him figure the rest out for himself. Baby isnt going to come to any harm, and it will make him a more confident, and therefore better, dad to be able to do it by himself. Its hard to relinquish the control, but you will all be great for it :-)

TeamSouthfields · 05/09/2013 19:58

Why dont u sit down together and discuss it and make notes together??

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