To have smiled sweetly and said nothing to this school bully

[DrinkFromMyFountain]

14 years ago I left school. There was one girl who made my life hell, said a load of nasty things about me and told me I would never amount to anything. She also said I'd end up single and Childless at 30 working in a shop. (NB I see nothing wrong with this, but it was meant in a horrible, nasty, put downy way). This was amongst various other things she said and did to try to make my life a misery.

This morning I took my car to the car wash and saw her working there washing cars.

I ordered my car wash for my naice car with my baby DS in the back and said "fancy seeing you here". She made a grimace of a face and carried on with her work.

Karma you beauty.

You think you have problems, usual - I have some Per Una in my wardrobe ..

handed down to me by MY MOTHER!

Certain things do that to me, not the name Sharon!

Heirlooms, Bullet - posh.

Lots of cake, its a great perk.

As well as unlimited coffee, the uniform makes me look like a twat though.

Some folk were very mean to me at school, made me feel terrified to go in. I was very academic, shy and not at all trendy, so an easy target.

I don't know what those assholes are up to now, and I don't care. I don't have a naice car, I'm not rich, but I have a brilliant DH, lovely family around me and dear, dear friends. The opposite of love isn't hate - it's indifference.

Bullying IS physical/emotional abuse. Do we tell DV victims they should feel sorry for their abusers? No, we tell them to LTB and there is general glee when the abuser gets dumped by the OW/shafted in the divorce proceedings/let down by friends and family etc.

Similarly, do we tell adult children of abusive parents to feel sorry for their parents? No. I personally find forgiveness one of the hardest things. I was never bullied at school and the people I'm trying v v hard to forgive are relatives, but I certainly understand the sentiments of those who feel schadefreude.

Oh and I don't look down on anyone with a low-paid job btw! Don't feel this is the point of the thread- it's about a sense of revenge and empowerment.

opposite of love being indifference- like that one!

' it's about a sense of revenge and empowerment.'

The meat of many a Hollywood Blockbuster.

I was bullied in 6th form. Nothing horrendous, but was totally excluded. It was a miserable time. I worked extremely hard when I left to overcome the self esteem issues I had.

Fast forward 20 years, and there was a school reunion. I was sort of invited (by one nice girl who wasn't going herself), but had no desire to go. I did enjoy seeing the photos though. No one saw me gloat, but I think I'd aged considerably better than they had. If I had mustered the courage to go, I wondered what their reaction would have been...Fat Fed Up has lost a bit of weight...

At my junior school there was a pampered girl who was pretty nasty to lots of people who weren't as wealthy as she was. Sadly her father died young and she went totally off the rails and was excluded from school for stealing. She was never nice to me, but I always felt sorry for her. Wonder where she ended up.

I totally understand a bit of the karma emotion and thing that those having a go at the OP are rather missing the point.

This is my favourite story, put a smile on my face

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts I was about to say the same as thunderbolts - she may look like she has a fabulous life but probably doesnt

I've got a good story...when I was doing my GCSEs there was a boy who was academically very similar to me and we were very competitive...well, he was, I just wanted to do my best. He'd always ask what score I'd got on a test and then accuse me of showing off when I answered him (I wasn't, but according to him, saying a high score in response to a question he'd asked was showing off )

He got more and more competitive and quite mean sometimes, humiliating me if I found something difficult or he beat me in a test. I couldn't win - according to him I was either stupid or a show off.

When we left school I was glad to see the back of him. We did A levels in totally different subjects at separate sixth forms. However we ended up going to the same uni. He unexpectedly sent me an email one day and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee. When we met, he instantly apologised and said he'd been really jealous of me and actually quite liked me but hadn't been mature enough to deal with those feelings at 15/16 yrs old...

Fast forward a few months and we were dating, he even proposed at one point. However I turned him down because the uber-romantic proposal was then followed by "my family are going to be so proud. I've finally found someone who I can guarantee I'll have clever children with..."

I felt a little bit like he was looking for a token wife who had the desired attributes to produce good issue in keeping with his family's reputation, not someone he'd genuinely fallen in love with.

We are both now married to different people and have got baby DDs born within a few months of each other. We are still on good terms and joked the other day about how we hope the competitiveness doesn't re-start in 15 years time with both of our DDs in the same academic year!

I work in a shop and cafe and am glad it's in a different town to where I grew up as I would hate people to see me and think oh look she works in a shop/cafe she has to serve me.

And yes I was bullied in school, all through high school and also in one of my jobs in one of the big building societies (ironically in the HR department!) which seriously affected my self esteem and still does now.

If this thread was just I bumped into them and they can see how happy I am etc I could understand, but it's the fact that specific jobs are mentioned that bothers me.

I do think retail jobs are looked down on here and in general. I know you won't all agree with me buys that's my opinion.

In our girly gang there was one girl who's parents were extremely well off, she got no affection but lots of stuff which at the time seemed important. She was good looking and she knew it and always acted like an utter bitch. Her rich boyfriend finally got sick of her princess behavious but she still though she was the bees knees.
Her parents finally cut her off and she lives in a dinghy flat in a dinghy area now, no husband, no boyfriend and none of us as friends because she was so awful to us.
If I am honest a little bit of me thinks - ha you deserve it. The other part of me recognises how she could have been if her parents had done their job. I just hope she never meets that rich guy and has kids and starts it all again.

There is something to be said however for speaking to bullies at work. It has happened to me a couple of times but at one agency I worked at it got to the point where I was too upset to deal with these people (I had to brief them on work daily). I could have done the HR route but I find most HR departments useless. Instead I called them both into a meeting and explained how I felt (afraid and tearful) and how what they were doing was upsetting me. I explained that I understood their frustration at my lack of experience in the role but that I needed there support. They were horrified, they still apologise years after when I see them. Women can get a pack mentality of bitchiness when they get together, shine a light on it and sometimes (but not always) it goes away.

' dinghy flat in a dinghy area now, no husband, no boyfriend'. Quote

Why is being single equated with not doing well in life . I have several happy,successful friends who have 'no husband, no boyfriend'.

When folk say they aren't being sneery about someone's job (better than being on the dole eh?) they are lying. Otherwise why mention it all? I was bullied. I am fat. Ive seen many of my bullies since. In the salon i work. In the many bars, pubs, shops restaurants I've worked in etc. Most have maintained a shameful silence and avoided me, some have let on to me all sweetness and light and one memory evading walking Wotsit choked on her own spit when I said at a playgroup "of course you remember me you numpty! You and your mates used to block me in the toilets and soak me with water or douse me in cheap bodyspray because I smelled of wee, beer and nicotine! Honestly woman, you're not suffering from amnesia are ya?" I was bright and cheery. Everyone was silent. I did that annoying ventriloquist thing where I said through my dd in a twee squeaky voice "mummy you made evwyone gwo quiet! Bad mummy!" :o
That was my revenge. I have no idea what industry she is poncing around in and she has no idea that I'll do bad things to her hair if she ever stumbles across my salon.

dinghy flat in a dinghy area So she lives on a boat in a harbour?

Mocking someone for misspelling a word - on a thread about bullying? Really?

Why are people so determined to miss the point?

If someone is vile to you and makes your life a misery, it is quite normal to wish them ill and be pleased to see that they aren't doing so well.

Why this determination to pity the perpetrator and criticize the victim? It's just plain weird.

Of the person that spoilt several years of my life, I would be pleased if their intestines writhed slowly and painfully as they crawled up their throat and strangled them from the inside.

The 'it' girl who bullied me at school is now a company director and travels all over the world. However, I've been there and done that with the high flying career and gave it up for something that I love doing plus I have gorgeous children as well :)

SDTG I think I agree with your analysis in the main so thank you for taking the time to try and understand my point of view. However, along with TSC you're both projecting perceived low self esteem onto my bully. Lots of her friends, my ex friends, hung around with boys and presumably also got fingered in the park. Did they all have low self esteem or were they teenagers being teenagers? I don't know what went on in the park because I had NFI but from what I got told it was 'heavy petting' which presumably escalated into shagging as she got pregnant.

Biscuitsareme yes. Why should I feel sorry for the perpetrator of my bullying? I never had the guts to stand up to her so my childish gloating 20 years later is my little way of getting back at her and making myself feel better. I would never say anything to her face because that would make me as bad as her. But why can't I have my moment of glee on an anonymous Internet thread about oneupmanship of bullies?

Hully thank you for your compassion and understanding.

TSC loads of girls I knew went to the park. Should I feel sorry for all of them? My view then and now was that they were having fun with boys like I could have been (well kissing at least) except she excluded me. I didn't experience the teenage fumblings many of my friends now who I talk about teenage years with did. I still don't think she had low self esteem; I think she was unlucky & got pregnant. I didn't get pregnant because no bugger would shag me because of her!