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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that carers for a person with dementia should not be allowed to accept gifts from that person?

50 replies

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/09/2013 22:45

A close relative of mine is receiving private care in his own home. His daughter, Z, left a meal she had cooked in the fridge, for both of them to eat when she came to visit him after work. The meal had gone when she got in, and he said that he had given it to his carer. Z then looked further, and a lot of the food in the freezer had gone as well (we are talking joints of meat, steak, lobster - not value fish fingers). My relative said he had given this to his carer too. Z called the woman, who confirmed that this was the case. Z is very upset about this, and does not think that the carer should be allowed to accept gifts from someone she is caring for, who has Alzheimers. OK, it is only food, but what if he has gifted her anything else, like the family jewels? Z said to me that she would like to complain, but then again, thinks "oh it's only food" and the care organisation might think she is causing a fuss unnecessarily, particularly as the family aren't short of cash. I think the carer is on dodgy ground, making herself vulnerable - what if my relative gives her something, then forgets, and accuses her of stealing it?

OP posts:
ouryve · 03/09/2013 22:47

There's accepting a small gift and there's taking the piss. I think we know which one this is.

HeySoulSister · 03/09/2013 22:47

Carers aren't allowed to accept gifts at all.... Whether its Alzheimer's or not

Famzilla · 03/09/2013 22:48

Carers are not allowed to accept any gifts. I think Z should call the agency she is using and complain.

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/09/2013 22:49

Soulsister, is that also the case for private carers, or just NHS?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/09/2013 22:49

Yanbu - I would be complaining too.

Even if they insist you take it then she should sneak it back not just accept it, if someone is demented enough to need carers then they are unfortunately unlikely to be in a position to make such a decision.

My dad worked with dementia patients who would often give me £1 when I went onto the ward as a child - but my dad would always make sure it went back to them.

IneedAsockamnesty · 03/09/2013 22:50

I have quite a few home carers not one of them are allowed to accept any type of gift from me even at Christmas.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 03/09/2013 22:50

Contact the agency if there is one. This goes against every code of conduct I have ever heard of, but...do be sure of your facts. With this condition there are many variables.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/09/2013 22:51

I worked for different organisations (SS and homelessness and LDs) with different rules. One was no gifts at all, one was gifts under 5 pounds value and only if it would offend to refuse. Taking perfectly good food out of someone's house wouldn't have 'passed' anywhere I've worked in a caring role.

raffle · 03/09/2013 22:54

CQC have guidelines around accepting gifts, these guidelines usually form the basis of a gifts and hospitality policy held by the service provider. Basically, employees are not allowed to accept gifts. She should complain to CQC and the service provider.

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/09/2013 22:55

It's done through an agency. I will tell Z to contact them. I think it is one thing to accept a piece of cake with a cup of tea, but quite another to take expensive food from the freezer (which is put there so that when family visit at weekends, there is something nice to cook for Sunday lunch).

I think the fact that the carer admitted to Z that her father gave her the food goes against any of the potential variables of Alzheimers.

OP posts:
Iamsparklyknickers · 03/09/2013 22:57

I've worked across NHS and private organisations and the basic advice is not accept gifts - I currently work in a trust where we have to declare anything given (like boxes of biscuits at christmas) as some patients really do just want to say thank you so that's the compromise they've come up with.

If you're not happy, private or not, carers have to adhere to guidelines and legislation. You could seek further advice from the CQC or speak to the agency the carer came from, you're perfectly within your rights to question whether your relative has been taken advantage of and whether the carer has behaved outside of her employers own policies (she most certainly has).

MsHighwater · 03/09/2013 22:59

I'm not a carer but have a job where the issues around gifts are similar. I am allowed to accept gifts that have little or no intrinsic value. Mostly, the gifts I'll get are from suppliers and will be things like pens, notepads, logo'd mugs and, at Christmas, calendars, chocolates and wine. On that principle, I think the carer is wrong to accept items where the value in a relatively short period is quite significant. I would check with the carer's manager to see whether they have declared gifts from the person.

Kundry · 03/09/2013 22:59

If the carers are from an agency, it is highly likely the agency will have rules about accepting gifts.

Even if they don't (which would make them a crappy agency), Z can still make it clear that no gifts are to be accepted from your relative.

She should phone the agency.

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/09/2013 23:03

Thank you all for your help. I've told Z and she will ring the agency tomorrow in the first instance, and follow up with CQC if she thinks it is necessary. Unfortunately Z's Dad really likes this carer, and I think would find it very difficult if she was taken off his care roster.

OP posts:
iliketea · 03/09/2013 23:06

If your friend wanted to take it further, I would also refer to the safeguarding team at her local social services.

Like others have said, generally gifts shouldn't be accepted, but this isn't a cheap box of chocolates type gift, it's removing food from someone's freezer. And if this carer is doing to one client, I wonder if they are doing it to others.

Labro · 03/09/2013 23:16

Z needs to contact the agency. This is not allowed and there are strict rules about even accepting gifts from the family (this would have to be entered on a register of gifts and hospitality) let alone from the client themselves which is a complete no no as they are regarded as lacking capacity to make such decisions.

DropYourSword · 04/09/2013 07:25

Woah! As I was reading I thought it wasn't really unreasonable for her to have shared the prepared meal with the Dad. But it's totally another thing to go home with a load of frozen food!

ZillionChocolate · 04/09/2013 07:40

Definitely raise it with the agency. If nothing else, it's a training issue if carers don't know they shouldn't do it.

longjane · 04/09/2013 07:47

Careers are not allowed to take gifts.
Phone the agency now and report and say you don't want this person back

RenterNomad · 04/09/2013 09:02

If guilt about money (relative to the carer's pay) is an issue, Z could remind herself that the carer is causing an inconvenience through this taking of the food, which was bought and stored to plan. Relatives might be rushing over straight from work or home, and having to stop on the way for food each time just wastes time which could be spent with the patient.

Wearyworker · 04/09/2013 09:06

Agree with everyone else, it's not allowed to accept gifts of any sort from the service user, even when they pass away you're not allowed to accept anything, hope it all gets sorted out :(

roofio87 · 04/09/2013 09:14

my gran has alzheimers and has a carer. she always tries to give her cash and gets very upset when its not accepted. the woman now takes it and leaves it with the warden at my gran's flat who then gives it to my auntie who puts it back in my gran's bank!! its all a bit ridiculous really but the point is he would never take it off my gran as she's so vulnerable. I think you should complain.

ThisWayForCrazy · 04/09/2013 18:24

I've just asked my husband this and his experience is that both legally and morally the cater should refuse all offers. I would talk to the company.

SPBisResisting · 04/09/2013 18:31

Really Sock? So even from clients who have carers for physical needs - they can't accept a gift?

MammaTJ · 04/09/2013 18:31

YANBU!! I am a carer in a home for the elderly with mental health problems, most of them have dementia of one kins or another. I have also worked in peoples homes.

I absolutely would not accept any more than a cup of tea and a biscuit in the home of someone I was caring for. This is disgraceful!

Again, YANBU!!