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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to wake up tomorrow?

56 replies

AnotherStatistic21 · 03/09/2013 20:30

Blunt, to the point, don't beat around the bush advice please.

  1. My daughter is poorly again. I know; children catch flu/virus'/coughs & colds and everything in between. I just feel really bad for her that she hasn't got the energy to play with the millions of toys around her and can only watch the television or read books. She had meningitis last year and hasn't ever really recovered from it.
  2. Same horrible colleague at work keeps putting in benefit fraud referrals about me.
  3. Now HB has stopped and I'm £40 pw down (again) until its been investiagted and quashed (again). Takes about 4 weeks to be sorted out apparently (although last time took six - fingers crossed this time will be quicker)
  4. Now tax credits have been stopped and I'm £90 pw down (again) until its been investigated and quashed (again). (They told me will take 3 weeks - not holding out any hope tho :-/)
  5. As a consequence; Can't pay childcare as have to pay rent. Had to cancel standing orders on both credit cards at the weekend as havent got enough money for shopping. Got £15 until Saturday, need petrol but also need nappies and wipes (have £7 worth of boots points tho - YAY!) Also need toothpaste (dammit).
  6. Due to nature of my job (Government) my manager is threatening dismissal because of constant fraud accusations. She and other senior managers are treating me really unfairly (would list all the reasons but would be here until possibly mid October) since this has been going on. For the first 4 weeks I went in every day and did my job, working next to the woman that was doing this to me (I shouldn't know it was her, but I do and I don't feel bad that I do or how I got the information to be fair) but have been signed off of work for 3 weeks now and have just returned to the GP to get signed of for another 2. The guilt of letting a genuinely lovely team down by being off sick is really hurting me but being at work for them four weeks was killing me and I couldn't take any more.
  7. I now stand to lose my job and basically my life.
  8. I have applied for 16 other jobs, turned down for 7, interviewed for 2 and didnt get them and still waiting on thr others. loads of full time jobs on the market but part time ones are surprisingly more difficult to come by. I am literally up for any type if role and trying not to get down about being rejected but it's hard not to cry when so much other stuff is going on and so much counts on the bloody outcome.
It sounds heartless but I really do not want to wake up tomorrow. Arghh I do want to for my daughter but all I'm doing is letting her down. I'm a single parent, bit of a loner and family are no where to be seen. Help me..someone?
OP posts:
IndiansInTheLobby · 03/09/2013 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaPicnic · 03/09/2013 20:39

Can you take any action aagainst your malicious colleage? Surely making repeated false accusations should be accountable somehow?

stargirl1701 · 03/09/2013 20:39

Citizens Advice bureau?

What about your union?

Footface · 03/09/2013 20:40

I think that you need to approach your manager and demand action is taken against the colleague who is reporting you. Surely this is hassment!

persimmon · 03/09/2013 20:42

Bless you, things are really tough for you right now but 'this too will pass'. You won't lose your life if you lose your job. Isn't there anyone you can talk to about the unfair treatment at work? The fact that you care so much about your situation shows that you're a great mum, not letting your daughter down at all. She just needs you, the money stuff will get sorted. xx

Gretagumbo · 03/09/2013 20:44

Mmmmmm
You need help but you should forget the things you can't control or change. Focus on what you can do.
Is partner helping/ paying maintenance?
Get some support from food bank.
Strip down your finances to the very basics
Phone hv and ask for assistance - they maybe able to advise on getting nappies from somewhere.
Use a damp cloth instead of wipes
Get union representation
See occupational health
Acas can provide free employment advice
CAB
Talk to your childcare person
Could colleague give you a lift?
Just phone everyone that could give a bit of help. Your child risks being hungry/nappyless in these cases people will help.

Maybe just take day off tomorrow and sort life out.

WoolySocks · 03/09/2013 20:45

You're not letting your daughter down at all, please don't think that. It's sounds like you're going through a really tough time in your life and it's easy to see how you could feel overwhelmed but you should feel proud that you've been proactive (applying for jobs) and continue trying to fight against your circumstances. Is there another senior manager or someone in HR at work who you could speak to? I'm afraid I don't know anything about what you might be entitled to but while you're off work could you make an appointment to see your local Citizens Advice Bureau to find out? I hope things get better for you very soon.

Gretagumbo · 03/09/2013 20:48

P.s. things are never as bad as they seem. I was so anxious when I started working I thought I'd lose my job over every mistake. I am still employed 14 years on.

Your boss can't sack you over 'accusations' that have been disproved. They need firm evidence. Speak to Acas.

maddening · 03/09/2013 20:52

Can you prove they are malicious accusations - what is the accusation she is making and what is driving this behaviour do you think?

WafflyVersatile · 03/09/2013 20:53
  1. sorry about your daughter.
  2. Can you report her to the police? Can you get a solicitor to write a letter (ask CBA?) Can you write her a cease and desist letter and can you ask the relevant benefit depts to put a note on your file that these claims are malicious?
  3. 4. and 5. Sorry about skintness. Is there anyone who can help? Please do all you can to avoid pay day loans but if you must credit unions do much much cheaper version.
  4. How do your employers know that you have multiple accusations of fraud against you?
  5. Are you a member of a union? Do you get any legal advice services on your home insurance or bank account?
  6. Sorry you've not found anything else yet.

You're not letting your daughter down.

Original poster
AnotherStatistic21 · 03/09/2013 20:54

The thing is I can't approach my manager about the colleague because I'm not meant to know it is her - if I do confess I know it's her Ill be 'done' for data protection and all that malarkey and that's even deeper shit. I was thinking of putting a freedom of information act request in and see if I could get her that way but referees (haha so not sure if that's what they are called but we will go with that) are so protected its good but so bad in my situation.
In the fraud interviews I say that i feel that i am being harrassed but all they come back with is that they have a duty to investigate.
Doesn't help that the woman is one of the seniors personal friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnotherStatistic21 · 03/09/2013 21:00

Waffly - the senior manager said that she and 3 other managers just 'had' to be informed because 'if' the accusations are found to be true it would affect staffing levels :-/
Or you're just a nosey bastard. (Sorry about language - have to make myself laugh otherwise ill cry :-) )

OP posts:
Footface · 03/09/2013 21:00

If you are sure it's her, I would make up a complete lie and spread it around the office that DWP were now going to investigate the possibility of hassesment with a view to taking criminal action due to the amount of times it was happening. hoping that might stop it.

Original poster
AnotherStatistic21 · 03/09/2013 21:02

Citizens advice - why haven't I called them yet? Thank you so so much all of you. Seriously, thank you so much x

OP posts:
Helpyourself · 03/09/2013 21:03

Another you have so much on your plate, but you also should incredibly strong and resilient.
Flowers

KirjavaTheCat · 03/09/2013 21:10

I agree, tell people that after quashing yet another false fraud investigation, DWP are now looking into the possibility of someone making deliberately false accusations.

It has to count as harassment! I can't believe they've let it continue tbh, it's clearly having an effect on your life and emotional well being. Can't you contact the police, anyone at all? Hopefully CAB can help.

CaptainSweatPants · 03/09/2013 21:15

Have you got anything to eBay - get paypal payment on buy it now to up your incomings thus week

SeaSickSal · 03/09/2013 21:21

I would think this is harassment too. See the CAB and see if you can report this to the police or take legal action.

deardeardear · 03/09/2013 21:21

I really wish I could offer some advice. I was in a similar situation and felt the same as your feeling. The only thing that got me through was my daughter. Luckily for me the bully women left and things have improved greatly. I am also a lone parent, with very few friends and no family support. Just try and hang in there, it will get better. I know its really hard, but carry on being strong for your daughter, she needs you!

Gretagumbo · 03/09/2013 21:21

Pps check out:
agirlcalledjack.com/
Great frugal living blog by a single mum that has had some rough times but speaking out. Positive story x

Retroformica · 03/09/2013 21:29

This is harassment and victimisation by your work colleague and bosses.

Is there anyway you could put a formal complaint in at work and with the police?

Original poster
AnotherStatistic21 · 03/09/2013 21:45

I really really cannot admit that I know that it was a work colleague. As far as my managers and the fraud departments know, all I know is that a fraud referal has been made about me. It's only because I crorruptly obtained information on the referrals that I know it was this particular one lady that has been doing it.
I understand that the fraud depts have a job to do but to them it is just that - a job. They are destroying mine and my daughters life and everytime I explain they come back with a generic cold answer.
I know this lady will run out of allegations but when?
How can I report this without getting in serious serious fucking trouble? I don't think I can. I think someone wants me out and I think I'm just going to have to be weak and give them what they want.

OP posts:
bishboschone · 03/09/2013 21:47

Not much help but tesco are doing cheeky bot nappies half price for a mahoosive box so £15 for 140 nappies if that helps ? ( tesco points)

HappyYoni · 03/09/2013 21:51

Are you in a union?

deardeardear · 03/09/2013 21:52

Don't give up, I know it sounds hard, but what income will you have if you hand in your notice. Will you be entitled to any benefits? I was also trapped which makes the situation feel 10 times worse. I don't think you can report it without risking your job. But still get advice from the CAB, explain to them you feel harassed and have your suspicions of who it might be.