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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider putting 2yo dd's carseat in the passenger seat.

43 replies

MamaBear17 · 03/09/2013 18:50

Please be gentle, I am looking for advice.

My dd has become a nightmare travelling in the car. I drive her to and from nursery and in the mornings she is fine, but a screaming, raging, monster on the way back. I have tried putting toys in the back to occupy her, bought an activity tray with colouring books and crayons on and she just throws them on the floor, then screams that she wants them back and screams more when I cant reach to give them to her. I have tried talking and singing, playing an audio book, but still she kicks off and cries asking me for cuddle and demanding that I stroke her leg (I usually do this when I am travelling as a passenger but I cant whilst I am driving). I have also tried just ignoring her and letting her scream and cry but I am just finding it too hard to concentrate on driving and feel like I am panicked and unsafe. I mentioned this to a girl at work and she said her daughter was the same so she switched the air bag off on the passenger side and moved the car seat to the front. I mentioned it to my husband and he 'googled' whether it was safe and basically the government guidelines are that it should be avoided if possible, but did provide some guidelines for safety if it could not be avoided. So now I don't know what to do. My car doesn't have side air bags so there is no risk there and I can disable my passenger side air bag. So, Mumsnet jury, can you settle this one for me? Safe or not? (or alternative suggestions!!)

OP posts:
Rooners · 03/09/2013 18:53

Why is it to be avoided - any idea?

If you can disable the airbag, I don't see the problem.

Also have you tried giving her a quick snack when she comes out of nursery? She might be hungry...I found my boys got cross after school for that reason. Low blood sugar.

gallicgirl · 03/09/2013 18:53

Sounds like she's tired. I have a drink and small snack ready for my 2.5 year old DD when I pick her up from nursery. It certainly helps to reduce the whinging.
Are you able to pick her up slightly earlier?

Rooners · 03/09/2013 18:53

How old is she btw?

Rooners · 03/09/2013 18:53

Oh sorry, 2.

pinkcarnations · 03/09/2013 18:54

I wouldn't be comfortable doing this. At the same age I moved my DD to the middle seat in the back, so she could see out of the windscreen and felt closer to me. Could this be an option?

Rooners · 03/09/2013 18:57

I still don't understand why it isn't safe - can anyone enlighten me please? Smile

(about to put ds2 in the front seat of new car, but he is 6)

Original poster
MamaBear17 · 03/09/2013 18:58

I have tried the snack too, but I pick her up at 3.45, which is only half an hour after she has had a snack and milk at nursery so it doesn't work. she just throws them around. I am slightly ashamed to admit that today I resorted to chocolate and it put the screaming off until she finished the chocolate! It is only a 20 minute journey and I really don't want to resort to chocolate every day. I cant leave work any earlier than I do because I am a teacher. Me and my husband alternate leaving early so that we can have her home just after 4pm every day. It means masses of work in the evening but worth it to spend a bit more time with her.

OP posts:
friday16 · 03/09/2013 18:59

What's the claimed risk of being in the front? These days there will be pre-tensioners front and rear, so it's not easy to see what the difference is.

McNewPants2013 · 03/09/2013 19:00

Could she be trusted not to mess around with the dials, hazzard button, gear stick ect while at the front.

fuckwittery · 03/09/2013 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foreverondiet · 03/09/2013 19:00

I personally wouldn't do this - safest in back and once you allow her in the front she'll never agree to sit in the back again. Can you download some toddler apps onto your phone and let her play with these?

Delayingtactic · 03/09/2013 19:02

I did this when DS was going through a phase of wiggling out his shoulder straps, I figured a strapped in child in the front was better than a half strapped in child in the back.

Personally I think it's better if he's in the front and it means you can concentrate on the road than worrying what's going on behind you.

Purplemonster · 03/09/2013 19:04

I imagine the main risk of small children being in the passenger seat is them distracting you from driving.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 03/09/2013 19:05

I used to put my 3ds car seats in the front, my youngest has his booster seat still.
Cant see a problem myself as long as the seat and seatbelt are correctly fitted.
If we shouldnt then what happens if a parent only has a two seater car?

SecondStarToTheRight · 03/09/2013 19:09

My 2 year old is in the front so that I can sit in the back and deal with my 5 month old.

Provided the seat is as far back as possible and the airbag is off it is perfectly safe

landrover · 03/09/2013 19:09

I would strap her in back of car and turn your radio/cd on loud and ignore her! ( I know you have tried that, it must be incredibly difficult!) I read on another chat that changing the childs car seat helped as it was uncomfortable?

threepiecesuite · 03/09/2013 19:10

What about a short walk round the block before getting in the car? My dd is a bit fraught after being cooped up with 26 noisy toddlers all day (even though she is one!)

meboo · 03/09/2013 19:10

My understanding is that you should not put a child in the front passenger seat when there is an airbag even if it is switched off because the switch is something that is not fail proof. This was demonstrated in two articles (I will see if i can find them) where the child was placed in a suitable car seat, the airbag switched off and they were involved in a collision. The air bag went off and the child in both cases died.

The risk also involves the crumple zones on cars and that there is more space and cushioning in the back of the car. Less chance of being caught by flying glass, less though, not none at all.

If you have a car with three full seat belts in the back the safest place to put your child is in the middle seat, again more space all around.

This is just to answer the reason not to put her in the front, not anything else, however could you not have cuddle time before getting in the car?

YoniBottsBumgina · 03/09/2013 19:11

If it's forward facing then it's perfectly legal to do this.

It is still better to disable the airbag - they are set up for adult chest height and a child in a car seat will have their face at about this height. For obvious reasons if the airbag did go off it's best if it doesn't go off directly in their face. If you can't disable it, advice is to push the passenger seat as far back as it will go.

The main risk of children being in the front (or anyone being in the front) is the higher chance of being ejected through the windscreen. In the back you have the front seats as an extra obstacle to impede this.

I'm sure you're already aware but it's illegal to put a rear facing car seat in the front seat (if you have airbags) because airbags and rear facing car seats are a lethal mix. Forward facing, it's riskier, but not likely to be fatal.

Viking1 · 03/09/2013 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hopefully · 03/09/2013 19:21

I was just going to say what Viking said - statistically speaking, front passenger is the most lethal seat in a collision.

I would struggle on tbh, and hope she grows out of it soon.

Original poster
MamaBear17 · 03/09/2013 19:55

Thanks to all the responses I really appreciate it (would have been back earlier but DH turned off the electricity to fix a plug!). DH has suggested loading the Ipad with episodes of Peppa Pig. I think I will keep her in the back and use the Pepper Pig as a last resort if her behaviour doesn't improve. In the meantime, I have downloaded some nursery rhymes to Itunes and will try and block her out :(

OP posts:
Rooners · 04/09/2013 08:47

Thankyou for filling me in about the safety aspect.

We're having my dad's car soon which has 3 back seats but the middle one is rubbish and I don't think we can get all the seats in the back. Not sure what to do now.

Sorry to hijack, OP - I hope your little one calms down x

ThisWayForCrazy · 04/09/2013 08:53

Put her in the front with the seat pushed back as far as possible. It doesn't really matter which is the safest if you can't concentrate on driving! If she's in the front and you can drive safely then surely that is better??

Mammyisthegirl · 04/09/2013 08:53

If chocolate works, a bit of it never killed anyone. However, making the driver lose control does! It is impossible to concentrate when they are carrying on in the back. Mine (2) has discovered now to undo the Isofix clips and I am at my wits' end.