To consider putting 2yo dd's carseat in the passenger seat.

[MamaBear17]

Please be gentle, I am looking for advice.

My dd has become a nightmare travelling in the car. I drive her to and from nursery and in the mornings she is fine, but a screaming, raging, monster on the way back. I have tried putting toys in the back to occupy her, bought an activity tray with colouring books and crayons on and she just throws them on the floor, then screams that she wants them back and screams more when I cant reach to give them to her. I have tried talking and singing, playing an audio book, but still she kicks off and cries asking me for cuddle and demanding that I stroke her leg (I usually do this when I am travelling as a passenger but I cant whilst I am driving). I have also tried just ignoring her and letting her scream and cry but I am just finding it too hard to concentrate on driving and feel like I am panicked and unsafe. I mentioned this to a girl at work and she said her daughter was the same so she switched the air bag off on the passenger side and moved the car seat to the front. I mentioned it to my husband and he 'googled' whether it was safe and basically the government guidelines are that it should be avoided if possible, but did provide some guidelines for safety if it could not be avoided. So now I don't know what to do. My car doesn't have side air bags so there is no risk there and I can disable my passenger side air bag. So, Mumsnet jury, can you settle this one for me? Safe or not? (or alternative suggestions!!)

God it's hard isn't it, but no don't move her to the danger seat.

I agree with the food (i used to do chocolate buttons at your daughter's age and stage, she was a mess at home time), maybe gentle music and, dare i say it, a bottle of she still has one occasionally.

You can get headrest mounts to attach the iPad to the back of the seat in front, OP www.amazon.co.uk/Griffin-CinemaSeat-Headrest-iPad-4th/dp/B004SMESIQ/ref=sr_1_16?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1378283238&sr=1-16&keywords=in+car+dvd+player

Would a favourite movie or show keep her distracted?

In the back with radio on and ignore like landrover says!

I hope this isn't a stupid suggestion, and there will be a big difference depending on whether your DD is 2.1 or 2.11, but have you tried talking to her about it at a neutral time and asking what the matter is?

I don't really see what difference being in the front would make - other than it being harder to ignore and you being more likely to be distracted reaching to give her something. Personally I wouldn't take the risk of moving her and go down the iPad/ignoring route.

Isn't the front seat the most statistically dangerous because it's also the most statistically used? If you had one adult passenger you would never put them in the back.

Personally I think if the seat is forward facing then if I would think nothing of putting an adult there, I would happily put a child there.

Mammy have you tried glueing velcro (just the spiky side) onto the seatbelt release button? Very uncomfortable for little fingers but ok for big adult ones.

You could check your car manual. Mine strongly advises against putting children in the passenger seat - it is much less safe. TBH, you don't know if she would be happier there anyway and may be grabbing you or distracting you in some other way.

Since you know she is neither hungry nor tired, maybe she is just desperate for your attention. You do really well to pick her up early, so maybe you could spare 5 mins or so before the journey having a little chat / play before you settle her into the car seat - make sure she gets lots of affection before you drive home.

I would experiment with different music and toys, and failing that, just tune her out. I know it is hard (DD sometimes cries on the way home) but you need to tune her out to concentrate on driving.

my ds is like this after nursery, I always take a snack for him now and this has helped a lot until we get home and hes grumpy as hell. it's just tiredness from busy day at nursery.

There's a difference between what might be more convenient & perfectly legal and would PROBABLY be OK, and loads of people get away with doing it every day,but it actually carries an increased risk.You have to weigh up all the circumstances and choose for yourself. We have car seats to decrease risk. and seat belts and air bags - all of which can be fatal if incorrectly used!

But statistically the front passenger seat is still the most dangerous in an accident.

Do people genuinely not know that the passenger seat is the most dangerous place to sit in a car? I'm genuinely amazed at that, really I am! Think about it - what bit of the car is most likely to be damaged if the driver swerves out of the way of something coming towards them. What bit would be most likely to be hit by a pedestrian stepping out, or a vehicle pulling out from the kerb without indicating, or a vehicle door opening in front of you etc

Yoni asked - Isn't the front seat the most statistically dangerous because it's also the most statistically used?

The driver seat is more used, of course!

Yet in collisions where the driver survives and the back seat passengers are relatively OK too, it's often the front passenger who bears the brunt and is killed or more badly injured.

Am prepared to be flamed, my ds is a front seat passenger aged 3. He is disabled, it works for us. Checked it out with police first, it is legal but be aware:
Lock door so kid can't open it
Turn off airbag
Raise seat height if you can
Check seatbelt height is at lowest
(for booster obviously)
check seatbelt angle when pushing seat back because seat wants to be forward of belt lock for it to work
Empty glovebox of anything heavy

Sometimes a kid in the front is safer than a distracted driver. Ear plugs can also be of use and may be worth trying first.

my DD travels in front with DH as he has small van like royal mail size,

she is a small 3.5 year old she has age and weight appropriate seat

obviously travelling in back is not an option as no back seats, so

1. passenger seat as far back as possible make sure door is locked, disable window controls on that side if you can, was told it is best to leave airbag on, it must be off if a rear facing car seat

it is better to have a happy child in front seat than a seriously distressed child in rear that could distract you so you make a driving error, you making an driving error is far more likely to have serious impact on DD than her being in the front

I have seen drivers hit kerb when trying to reach to back seat when driving, it could be worse than hitting kerb,

I let my 2 year old son sit at the front with me when I pick up my friend and her toddler (I have a baby as well so is easier to have one toddler seat at front, the other at the back with baby seat other side with friend in middle so she can get in and out without fuss). I've got some houdini straps (a strap that connects the straps higher up so they can't get arms out) so don't have to worry about him playing with controls, and airbag is always switched off. I've always had baby seat at front so I could see them properly so there's no difference with having son there sometimes. Plus I'm pretty sure that if it was that dangerous it would've been made illegal by now.

Yes, obviously I meant after the driver's seat

Is it not also the case that where there are passengers in the front and back the passengers in the front are more at risk of being hit by the passengers in the back and hence extra weight/risk on them?

The front of course though is more open and closer to the road and point of impact if the crash is a frontal collision.

I think if the back seat passengers (and luggage and large dogs etc) are properly restrained, they are not a significant aditional danger to the front passenger

I don't suppose the carseat is a Britax? If it was you could use their fitfinder. You may even be able to get some idea even if it isn't. Pop in the make and model of your car and see which seats it recommends and where. Worth a try perhaps?

I wouldn't do it personally. My previous job involved fitting and training people on fitting car seats. As part of the training we had to watch some horrid videos with crash test dummies. An infant in the front seat, in a collision is in a very very vulnerable position. Turning off the air bag is not a fail safe, it can remain on unbeknownst to the driver. THings like crumple zones etc also figure in it.
On the other hand, a distracted and stressed mummy is also not a good option.
I would continue to bribe with chocolate and hope she soon outgrows this stage. Not what you wanted to hear I know, but I really wouldn't.

isnt it to do with the windscreen too? if its a big crash she is more likely to be covered in glass?