Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

should i go to wedding or spend my 'christmas day ' with my kids ?

43 replies

mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 18:34

my stepson is getting married on dec 21st (2nd marriage) my family are pagans (including my dh) and we celebrate the 21st like most people do christmas day. recieved invite for dh and me [not my children] to attend, had told dh i wouldn't be going as it is some distance away, i don't drive, an we would need to leave early to get there. i have only my mum and no siblings as family. aibu to want to spend the solstice with my kids, it is only once a year, but it means a lot to us. dh is not a happy bunny and says i should go with him, the kids are in their teens and say i should make my own choice, it's not as if i could go for half a day even, it should be known that i have only met my dss twice in 13 years, i feel torn, what should i do?

OP posts:

HatieKokpins · 03/09/2013 18:37

Go to the wedding. The solstice happens EVERY YEAR. the wedding won't.

WaitMonkey · 03/09/2013 18:40

Spend Christmas with your children. No contest in my opinion. Or if you have to go, explain your dc will have to be invited. Its the only way. And I normally say it's down to the B and G, who they invite.

CarolineKnappShappey · 03/09/2013 18:41

Go to the wedding.

The solstice is every year. Wedding is once hopefully in a lifetime.
He is your stepson, part of your family. Can you imagine your DH not going to one of his other DC's wedding.

I think you are being a bit childish. Sorry

LittleMissStressy · 03/09/2013 18:42

I'd spend the solstice with the DS. I'm assuming your DSS knows your pagans and that's when you have your Christmas?

guiltyconscience · 03/09/2013 18:42

I think you should go Mrsfuzzy especially as it means a lot to your dh and the dc don't mind. I mean I work as a childrens nurse and we very rarely even get Christmas day off ,we are never allowed to book a/l at Christmas time and I would dearly have loved to see my dds opening their pressies or having the family around for christmas lunch. I have to work the day around my work not nice but just something that has to be done which is how I feel about your dilemma. Cheer up MrsFuzzy tells dh he owes you big time for this go and try to enjoy yourself be the bigger person .Hope you go and have a great time !

AgentZigzag · 03/09/2013 18:43

You don't really want to go to the wedding, so you'd be doing it for your DH if you went.

If it'd make you really unhappy to go and you'd end up feeling pissed at him, then stay at home, and he can be pissed at you

What would your DC prefer/like you to do?

TeamSouthfields · 03/09/2013 18:44

With ur kids .. No question ...

HeySoulSister · 03/09/2013 18:45

The wedding!!

Onesleeptillwembley · 03/09/2013 18:45

Spend Solstice with your DS, but send very best wishes to the happy couple. I wonder if the people saying 'go' would choose to spend Christmas day away from their children.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 03/09/2013 18:45

Could you celebrate solstice on a different day? Not ideal but lots of families have to rearrange Xmas.

CaptainSweatPants · 03/09/2013 18:46

How will you feel if Dh doesn't go to one of your kids weddings??

AgentZigzag · 03/09/2013 18:46

OP should go to the wedding because you've had to miss out on watching your DC open their presents guiltyconscience?

You've said it's not nice, why would the OP want to choose the 'not nice' option?

HatieKokpins · 03/09/2013 18:46

How would you feel if your DH refused to go to one of your children's weddings? You can always celebrate "your" Christmas on, you know, actual Christmas ?

Original poster

mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 18:47

the thing is i don't know him, we've said hello twice and that's all, we are strangers to each other, really don't see the point,

OP posts:

Lizzylou · 03/09/2013 18:48

Is your stepson pagan?
Would he know the significance of the date?
Just wondering if it was deliberately set on an awkward date for you all iyswim.

Either way, he is your husband's son. I would be inclined to go to the wedding.

McNewPants2013 · 03/09/2013 18:48

I feel guilty enough working Christmas day, but then i tell myself the DC need a roof over their heads more than me home at Christmas.

No way would i go to a wedding on Christmas day without them

NumTumDeDum · 03/09/2013 18:50

I'm firmly in the go with dp camp. I would expect my partner to come with me if it were the other way around. The children are teenagers and not particularly bothered. Celebrate on the 22nd. I've come to realise the date is not so important as the celebrating with family. Dp will be happier on the 22nd as you will have supported him on the 21st. I get every other christmas with my dd and we simply celebrate when she gets back. It's still worth celebrating even if it's not the right date, because it's the people who matter.

wonderingsoul · 03/09/2013 18:51

i dont think yabu, but i would feel bad about your dh, he prob wants you to come with him for numorous reasons.

if you can all go, say in a hotel near by?

CarolineKnappShappey · 03/09/2013 18:51

The point is he is your DH's son. And your DH presumably wants his wife by his side as he witnesses an important and emotional event.

A little bit of selflessness would be good.

ZingWantsCake · 03/09/2013 18:52

you don't sound close to each other so I wouldn't go.

in fact for that reason I'm not sure I would bother going on any other day, if it was absolutely my choice.

Original poster

mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 18:55

dh gets on well with my kids and he is a bit miffed that they haven't been invited but that not what this about.

,

OP posts:

Moonstorm · 03/09/2013 19:00

Christmas with your children.

cantspel · 03/09/2013 19:01

Your kids are teens so unlikely to want to spend the whole day sittiing around the house with you no matter what the date so i would go to the wedding.

Onesleeptillwembley · 03/09/2013 19:01

I'm guessing by the OP saying she's Pagan then she's opted into that religion, that set of beliefs. Therefore that day has far more meaning to her than someone like say, myself and Christmas day, which is a family celebration with no religious meaning attached. Therefor it's rather patronising to say 'celebrate on another day'.

Original poster

mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 19:02

as far as that goes, i generally get involved with family events and enjoy them, dh and i will discuss this further but he knows that dss has only invited me as a courtsey, not necessarily because wants me there, as i say over 13 years there is no relationship what so ever.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2