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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

should i go to wedding or spend my 'christmas day ' with my kids ?

43 replies

mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 18:34

my stepson is getting married on dec 21st (2nd marriage) my family are pagans (including my dh) and we celebrate the 21st like most people do christmas day. recieved invite for dh and me [not my children] to attend, had told dh i wouldn't be going as it is some distance away, i don't drive, an we would need to leave early to get there. i have only my mum and no siblings as family. aibu to want to spend the solstice with my kids, it is only once a year, but it means a lot to us. dh is not a happy bunny and says i should go with him, the kids are in their teens and say i should make my own choice, it's not as if i could go for half a day even, it should be known that i have only met my dss twice in 13 years, i feel torn, what should i do?

OP posts:
shockers · 03/09/2013 19:02

Could you book an hotel nearby, with your DC and set off the night before? Get one with a pool and all that gubbins (if they're old enough teens to be left) and book a lovely dinner for you all when you get back from the wedding.

Or... do the hotel bit AND get DH to ask DSS if your children can go? He could offer to pay if that was a factor.

Feckbloodypets · 03/09/2013 19:02

Hi I must admit I would go to the wedding. Many families including my own have to celebrate around days rather than on them due to work commitments but I do try to remember what the day means to us, which in our case is sharing with our loved ones.
I may be wrong but is not one of the main ideals in Paganism "Do what thou will as long as it harms no others" If this is true I could see not spending the day celebrating the wedding could cause hurt to your DP, as he will not be able to celebrate the union of his child to the person he loves with you at his side, especially when your children together have given you the choice.

BrokenSunglasses · 03/09/2013 19:05

If your children aren't invited, then spend the day with them.

If you could have spent the day with your children at the wedding, then that's what you should have done.

Squitten · 03/09/2013 19:07

I guess it depends on whether it's really that vital to spend this exact day celebrating Xmas or if it's really just a good excuse to get out of the wedding. I suspect it may be the latter!

I would go to the wedding. Regardless of whether or not he likes you, he did do you the curtesy of an invitation and so I think it would be the decent thing to attend.

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 19:11

thanks everyone have made a choice based on your advice, am going to the wedding [morning registery] and am returning home in the afternoon for time with my family and our party, dh had suggested a similiar idea and now you lovely mn's have helped me decide. thanks again couldn't have done it without you, think i got a bit bogged down with it.

OP posts:
Onesleeptillwembley · 03/09/2013 19:14

Whatever you do - enjoy!

shockers · 03/09/2013 19:19

I'm glad you're both of the same opinion! Hope you have a lovely day Smile.

ProudAS · 03/09/2013 19:27

Is Dec 25th not the date of a Pagan festival and a chance to celebrate with your DCs without doing christmas? There wont be much else going on for them on the day.

ImperialBlether · 03/09/2013 19:35

OP, what's the background there? Has he only seen his own father a couple of times? Were you the OW?

I was going to say that as your stepson doesn't want you there, you shouldn't go, but should thank him for the invitation and decline. That sounds like the best gift you could give him, I'm sorry to say.

Tittypulumpcious · 03/09/2013 19:39

If you don't really know him and spending the solstice with yoru children is something important to you and them stay and have your usual celebrations.

If you aren't close you will probably not be missed too much (hope that doesn't sound horrible!)

Tittypulumpcious · 03/09/2013 19:40

your

Jackanory1978 · 03/09/2013 19:55

If you've only met your stepson twice in 13 years he's not exactly a close family member, so no I wouldn't go, I'd stay with my kids. Doesn't matter how old they are they'd probably still want you around for your 'xmas'; I'm in my mid-thirties & I still want to see my mum over the Xmas period.

maddening · 03/09/2013 21:02

Why is your stepson not inviting his step/half siblings?

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 21:09

proudus, dec 25th is not a pagan festival it was taken as a date for the christian aspect the winter solstice reflects the shortest amount of day light in the year, and we celebrate the return of the sun lengthening the days once more, the 25th was 'chosen' during the conversion of pagans to christenity to reflect the celebration of the cycles of nature in the year. have spoken to dh of my decision to attend then leave before reception and he is very happy with that, so we are sorted, thanks to all posters!

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 21:10

proudus, dec 25th is not a pagan festival it was taken as a date for the christian aspect the winter solstice reflects the shortest amount of day light in the year, and we celebrate the return of the sun lengthening the days once more, the 25th was 'chosen' during the conversion of pagans to christenity to reflect the celebration of the cycles of nature in the year. have spoken to dh of my decision to attend then leave before reception and he is very happy with that, so we are sorted, thanks to all posters!

OP posts:
DaleyBump · 03/09/2013 21:12

I would go to the wedding and regret it. Spend it with your kids.

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 21:31

imperial, no i wasn't the ow, dh split with dss mum 28 years ago, dss didn't have any dealings with his ex stepmother either,guess that's how it is with some people.

OP posts:
guiltyconscience · 03/09/2013 22:23

Oh Mrsfuzzy good girl! I am sure you are doing the right thing by standing by your man lol I hope you have a wonderful Dec 21st all day long !

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