To be sick of comments about DDs speech

[SometimesItHurts]

Just come back from Best friends house, and she made a couple of comments about DDs speech again. DD is nearly 4 and has a delay, she is starting therapy next week, and all my friends and family know this.

It just gets on my nerves that I constantly get comments from people about it. If its not PILs saying
"Ohhh I haven't a clue what she's saying" or "What's she going on about?"
It's my best friend saying "what? haha I see she is talking in Chinese again"

I realise I am probably being Unreasonable/over sensitive and I need to get a grip don't I? But ffs why don't people just keep their mouths shut and leave her alone for once?!

So sorry you are upset. I understand entirely. My DS2 has a speech impairment, at 4 he was unintelligible, he can be understood now (nearly 10) but will always sound very different & require people to properly listen to him. He attends a Speech & Language Unit.

Thankfully my family & close friends were only ever supportive but others comments were & still are occasionally hurtful.

Mastering the cold stare is your first task to people you don't know well. To those that ultimately do love & care for you all - tell them. Tell them how very worried you are. I'm quite sure they'll stop soon. Chin up .

YDNBU! To the Poster upthread who said they are risking your DD clam up they are totally right. Ds is 4 and has delayed speech. When the Nursery referred him they asked the Therapist to assess other areas. At the Initial Assessment she said to me "He's not antisocial. He doesn't bother saying anything because he knows he won't be understood" :( he goes in to HUGE tantrums if you repeat the wrong word back to him. Your Friend sounds v.patronising and I would be being quite forthright in future. Tell her not to be so bloody patronising. Good luck with Dds therapy. OP ~

Yes, Definitely time to start speaking up I think. After all, this is my DD they are talking about!
misspixie that made me sad what the therapist said to you, bless your little boy, I hope he does well with the therapy also and everyone else' DC of course.

Yanbu. How rude. I'm not sure why people feel the need to make comments. I find that people often struggle to understand children because they don't actually listen to them. Neither of my children have had speech problems but the amount of times family have said "what did he/she say?" "I can't understand a word of that." It's mainly because they don't listen.

YANBU - that is horrible what they are saying. They must not be thinking that she understands them - not an excuse, just assuming the best and that they are not deliberately being cruel. I would never say anything like that, but I am not sure how to respond for the best.

Try modelling some phrases they can say which are more encouraging - the way that you normally respond to her, eg 'I usually find it helps if I say xxx'.

^What MummyPig24 said about the listening too. The therapists told me to have a word with the school and the adults in his life. I.e Grandma and Grandad etc. Telling them to make sure they speak slowly to him don't push him to repeat a word he's got wrong and just to Listen and differentiate the sounds first and the speech will come later. Maybe you can do it like that OPwith the IL's and BF. Is Dd in Nursery or Full time School OP (Ds just started full time). You'll find she will probably pick up a bit once she's started to pick up from her Peers and with the Therapy :) ~

YANBU

DS had speech delay and I felt incredibly hurt when a friend asked (in front of DS) "Why can't he talk properly?" he was about 5 at the time. DS was hurt and said "my words don't come out right"

He is 10 now. His speech isn't perfect, he has had years of speech therapy which has helped but there are some sounds he can't say. But he had a large speaking role in his last school play which gave his confidence a real boost, I was so proud of him. He knows he doesn't sound like the other kids, but had the confidence to do it anyway.

Have some

When dd was little and had very little speech, the line her therapist used was not, I can't understand you, but, I can't hear you. Apparently that is more neutral. Agree with all those who say, she is bound to be put off trying if adults take the piss when she does. The kids will do it already, she needs adults to show that this is not what nice grown ups do.

Its awful that people have been so rude to your poor DD. I don't think yabu at all - but your friends and family definitely are.

My 4yo DS used to have the most awful stammer - at his worst (last summer) it took him over 10 minutes to reply to a man in Ikea who'd asked him if he wanted a balloon. I knew what DS wanted to say - which was 'actually I don't need one because we've just been to Mothercare and they gave me one there', but it just took him so long to articulate it. The advice is not to try to 'talk for' stammerers, so I had to leave him to it, whilst standing there (inwardly) cringing and hoping the man didn't react badly to him. Bless the chap, he crouched down in front of DS and just let him get on with it - showing interest and not showing any frustration or irritation - I could have wept on his neck! If only everyone was that empathetic and understanding.

I was lucky in that in general the worst we've faced is people trying to 2nd guess what DS was trying to say and I honestly don't know what I'd have done if I'd had to face what you are - cried probably.

If its any consolation, after being told there was a 4-6 month waiting list for therapy (having waited 6+ months for the initial consultation in November) we went privately and after weekly sessions for 2 months DS' speech was unrecognisable. He still has a very minor stammer that we're working on, but its no worse than many kids his age. I know a stammer is different to your DD's speech delay, but it does show that if you find a good therapist things can improve dramatically and very quickly.

Good luck.

You need to tell your friend/family as they are making those comments in front of your DD. You need to tell them (in a positive way) that your DD knows she is not understood well, and you don't want comments to affect her self confidence. If they don't understand her, they should say something like 'sorry darling I didn't get that, there's too much noise in this room' or find another external reason. DS2 has a speech disorder and many of his teachers at school as well as other parents have commented that it's fantastic that he has such self confidence even if he doesn't speak well. I have had many comments over the years and I think that people don't quite 'get' speech delay and think that the child is lazy or something.

beastofburden - I agree. We always say something like that 'I didn't hear you, can you say it again' or 'can you show me what you mean' (with signing/ponting to pictograms). I also ask lots of questions with yes/no answers to try and understand what he is talking about.

And there are occasions when even I do not understand ds at all, especially if there is no context and he cannot sign it. The unpredictably of his articulation is the nature of his disorder. And on those occasions, I do tell him that I'm sorry I don't understand and then try and encourage him to talk about something else so that he doesn't dwell on it.

leeloo1 - what a lovely balloon man! People like that make such a difference.

Mine never got on all that well with signing. DS2 still cant talk very much (aged 17) but one thing he will do is shriek at the telly when Mr Tumble comes on- "CAN'T SIGN!!!!" [embarrassed].

DD got very adept at remembering which of her books had a useful picture in when she needed one. I remember she had a little op to give her better hearing, and that morning she was completely frustrated that I wouldnt give her breakfast- so she found a book with pictures of milk and came and waved it at me... years on, she still has an amazingly accurate memory for where stuff is in the house.

If I can't understand a small child I just look to the parent for translation them direct my response back to the child. I would never make comments about how terrible the child's speech was !

northumbetlandlass that is so rude
Yes, lovely balloon man! I always say to DD that I can't hear her, rather than cant understand her, I agree it makes a difference to their confidence if people are going to mock them all the time