Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of comments about DDs speech

65 replies

SometimesItHurts · 03/09/2013 15:45

Just come back from Best friends house, and she made a couple of comments about DDs speech again. DD is nearly 4 and has a delay, she is starting therapy next week, and all my friends and family know this.

It just gets on my nerves that I constantly get comments from people about it. If its not PILs saying
"Ohhh I haven't a clue what she's saying" or "What's she going on about?"
It's my best friend saying "what? haha I see she is talking in Chinese again"

I realise I am probably being Unreasonable/over sensitive and I need to get a grip don't I? But ffs why don't people just keep their mouths shut and leave her alone for once?! Confused Sad

OP posts:
AFishWithoutABicycle · 03/09/2013 16:29

Use starting speech therapy as an excuse to say something. After you've been Say that 'the therapist says we must not say x and say y instead' act like its general advice so no one gets too offended. Or actually as the speech therapist what people should say if they don't understand her and then you won't even be making it up.

  • it's crazy you have to do that though, it should be obvious not to make a small child who is trying their best to communicate feel bad. Poor mite.
SaltaKatten · 03/09/2013 16:30

I'm sure it isn't choice, but do you think your friends and family think that it is? Sometimes there is the misconception that if only the child could be bothered, got told off or tried hard enough that they could speak clearly.

Original poster
SometimesItHurts · 03/09/2013 16:33

salta I honestly don't know...Never thought about that actually... I think MIL gets frustrated with her very quickly, so maybe she does think that?!
fish that's a good idea to say what the therapist recommends, I will definitely use that. People will obviously ask how it went, so that will be the first thing I tell them!

OP posts:
MrsCakesPremonition · 03/09/2013 16:42

I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are massively ill-informed, instead of just rude and bullying.

Perhaps you could share the I CAN website and the Talking Point website with them, so they can learn a bit of about SLCN and learn how to support your DD rather than criticise her.

kelda · 03/09/2013 16:44

SaltaKatten - some people have described my ds as lazy. He has speech dyspraxia. Lazy is the last thing he is - he has to work far harder then other children to try and overcome his problem.

Other people have told me that if only I did 'this' 'this' and 'this', my ds's speech will magically be cured Hmm

Afishwithoutabicycle - I have regularly use the line 'the speech therapist has said we must do/not do ...' because that's what the speech therapist actually has saidSmile

Original poster
SometimesItHurts · 03/09/2013 17:05

Sorry to hear that kelda - clearly your son isn't lazy!
Thanks for the links MrsCakes

OP posts:
littlemslazybones · 03/09/2013 17:06

Fil decided to demonstrate his wit by mocking ds2's (4) speech delay around a dinner table of guests at his last visit, saying blah, blah speaking in a foreign language. I said 'I think he said 'Granddad's grown bored of his knee caps' and fixed him with a death stare. But then I have no pretension of being remotely reasonable.

Thepowerof3 · 03/09/2013 17:08

I'm not surprised you are fed up

RenterNomad · 03/09/2013 17:23

We have some friends with a DC who has some speech issues, but when I don't understand, I feel embarrassed for not catching it, as I just don't want the poor kid (who's very nice) to feel I don't care what I've just been told!

I've got the "hang" of the speech now, but wouldn't have dreamt of mocking it. Have your people got no shame, SometimesItHurts?

kelda · 03/09/2013 17:38

littlemslazybones that's awful Sad. Great retort from you though.

I have to say, most people are sensitive and even if they don't know quite what to say, they at least know what not to say. It's just the occasional person who is rude/ignorant.

Original poster
SometimesItHurts · 03/09/2013 17:53

Apparently not nomad
Well done littlem I wish I was that brave!

OP posts:
Pixel · 03/09/2013 18:01

pixel I have wondered exactly the same.

Ha ha, that gave me a shock, I thought I was going mad because I didn't remember commenting on this thread Grin.

PrincessScrumpy · 03/09/2013 18:05

Sometimes it is hard to know what to say and I read the title of your thread thinking you might be being sensitive but no your friends are being completely u. When a friend of mine was in this situation and I didn't understand her ds I would ask him to show me and I asked her what I could do to help when speaking to him. I always asked how his therapy was going but only because I was interested and would never dream of mocking a child

wonderingsoul · 03/09/2013 18:08

ynbu.

ds2 has developmental delay.. including speach.

my dad has trouble understanding him, he'll try really hard and try and get him to say it again and if he still doesnt understand him he'll ask me. "what is he saying?" (isnt it amazing how well you are connected and you k now what they are saying?

it never doen in a rude way, but if any one did say that

i would giuilt them ." hes a 4 year old with a speach delay. you know this so why do y ou continue to pick on and humilate a 4 year old child? or is that how you get your kicks?"

Longdistance · 03/09/2013 18:08

Yanbu. This would get on my nerves too.

My dd is nearly 4, and I must admit, her speech isn't great.

We play 'I spy' in the car, but it comes out ' I spy with my lucky eye, something begiggling with...' She says it fast, and some people don't understand her.

I'm waiting to get back to the Uk, as they've been no help here in Oz. But, that's just a small sample of her speech. I think she has a lisp, and is quite clumsy with words ie; bridge, comes out as fridge.

Badvoc · 03/09/2013 18:11

Well...they are utter twats.
Next time just say "did you mean to be so rude?"
And then leave.
Neither you nor your dd need that.

Badvoc · 03/09/2013 18:12

Tbh I have zero tolerance for this type of shit.
Far far too often the person making comments is passively agressively gloating about their own child's genius/ability.
Sad but true.

Dancergirl · 03/09/2013 18:14

YANBU

I completely sympathise. Dd was like this but speech therapy was wonderful and she improved hugely.

Could you tell your friend honestly how you feel? I'm sure she would stop the comments if she knew they upset you.

Good luck with the speech therapy, you'll notice an improvement very quickly.

mrsfuzzy · 03/09/2013 18:14

did i miss read something, but i thought it was the 'best friend' making these stupid comments, o.k it might be meant as a joke, but i wouldn't find it funny if it was referring to my child, how would the bf be amused if it was aimed at her child or a remark against herself 'oh god you've gained so much weight' etc oh, sorry only joking! she sounds very insenstive. hope everything goes well with the speech therapy, good luck!

Badvoc · 03/09/2013 18:15

...and if its any comfort my ds1 had a speech delay.
Now he is 10, never shuts up and has the vocab of a much older child :)
Speech immaturity is so common.
Good luck x

Original poster
SometimesItHurts · 03/09/2013 19:02

Wow some lovely supportive posts on here, Thank you Thanks it's been good to get it off my chest actually, as in real life I do put a brave face on it. Only DH knows that I sometimes lie awake worrying about her speech.

Yes mrsfuzzy she is my best friend. She is great and I love her to bits, but she can make remarks sometimes which I quietly raise an eyebrow to. Normally after a drinks, so I try not to let it bother me. It obviously does though, as I never forget them!

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 03/09/2013 19:16

sometimes - if she is that good a friend then just tell her how massively insensitive she is being and how hurt you are.

As for all the Grandparents - get them TOLD. There is NO excuse. Don't forget to mention that they are all heading to a time in their lives when they themselves may not be so clearly understood Hmm

Twats.

Please try not to worry though, a) it doesn't help & b) speech therapy can fix most problems!

Original poster
SometimesItHurts · 03/09/2013 19:21

chipping I know, you are completely right. I just need to grow a backbone first Blush

OP posts:
DrSeuss · 03/09/2013 19:27

If she had an obvious physical problem, would they be so insensitive? How dare they! So sorry for your upset.

BiscuitDunker · 03/09/2013 19:44

Yanbu.

My dd is autistic and speech is pretty much non-existent although she can say quite a few words,but only when she chooses to say them and rarely in the right context as she has severe issues understanding things. She babbles away in her own little language and she does try to talk to people,but obviously none of it is actually understandable. Luckily though I've never heard anyone making any unkind comments about her or to her (not to my face at least),but I doubt I could bite my tongue if I did!

Everyone that knows me and my dd just respond to her "talking" to them with a smile and usually something along the lines of "really?wow!that sounds great" or "I'm not sure what you're trying to tell me,why don't you show me?" Perhaps tell everyone that this is the best response to give if they don't understand what your dd is saying? Say the speech therapist suggested it as it will encourage her to communicate if you think that would work :)

Swipe left for the next trending thread