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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why those with lower income get free childcare even if they don't work

446 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 03/09/2013 13:47

2 mums from a toddler group I go to are on income support and their DC start their free 2 days a week at nursery at the age of 2. I have dd1 age 5, and dtds 2. We couldn't afford childcare for 2 babies so I had to cut my hours by more than half and work from home around dc which is hard but we wouldn't cover the bills if I didn't. obviously twins was a surprise and a huge financial hit so savings are very low/almost non existent.

Anyway, I have another year until my dtds get free childcare while a lady with one dc gets it at age 2 despite having no intention to work. This feels really unfair and I just don't get the reasoning.
I'm not trying to benefit bash but it's hard not to feel angry. Willing to accept iabu, but can't help feeling this way.

OP posts:
Sonnet · 03/09/2013 14:12

HeySoulSister - I don't know your personal circumstances but just because her partner is not around to help her out does not mean he is "lacking" - He may work lomg hours/long commute - it happens you know

K8Middleton · 03/09/2013 14:12

I find it very hard to be jealous of something that is meant to help level the playing field of social inequality. You may feel the scales are tipped slightly in her favour now but the likelihood is that your family will have a greater income, own property and stay in education longer over the course of your life time so you are much, much better off.

Try not to be jealous of what in the wider scheme of things is a tiny benefit against a life time of privilege and opportunity.

MurderOfGoths · 03/09/2013 14:14

Is income support paid to anyone but single parents anymore?? I was pretty certain it had been phased out. In which case she's most likely on ESA or JSA?

HeySoulSister · 03/09/2013 14:14

So how come she claims income support but isn't a line parent?

Or are you guessing op?

Sonnet · 03/09/2013 14:15

PrincessScrumy I don't think you sound bitter or nasty. Life is hard as a working mother (single or part of a couple).
I though WilsonFricket made a great point - I would look into that if i were you

Binkyridesagain · 03/09/2013 14:15

I have a friend that was entitled to the 15 hrs free 'childcare' for her twins, both her and her husband were on benefits, so by your judgyness they shouldn't have been entitled, should they?

She has bi polar, she doesn't announce it to the world because frankly she doesn't want the world to know, however because of her condition it was decided to ensure that she and her husband could cope a little better with bringing up their children that she could have 'me time' and they granted her free hours.

She had to justify herself to ignorant jealous gits as well.

The snap shot you see of someone elses life is very often not the reality they live.

HeySoulSister · 03/09/2013 14:16

It's a stealth benefit bashing thread..... Nice one op!

nicename · 03/09/2013 14:16

Dreaming - I work too, as does DH, so I know how much work it is (and I have just one to run around after).

It's not about giving parents a break (although we all need it) but about the kids getting a start in education so that they aren't going to school without the basics of literacy and numeracy, or still in nappies or unable to interact with other kids/teachers (as happens in my sisters school - she's a Head not a student). In an idea world, yes, all kids should have tis opportunity, but it's far from ideal!

BaldricksTurnip · 03/09/2013 14:16

There are lots of things in life it would be fair to be jealous of, you know like people who lunch at Claridges every day or bankers who give themselves enormous bonuses while ordinary families are starving. Being jealous of a poor little two year old getting a few nursery hours to help them out while their single parent struggles is shameful OP Angry

Feminine · 03/09/2013 14:16

I honestly can't see why you are bothered/care.

You do realize that this Mum need not disclose all the details that may entitle her to you right?

I met a very, very middle class Mummy in the park recently, she spent a good deal of times winging about the same thing as you.

"its not fair, those on benefits will get free care for their children and I won't ...I've got TWINS!"

Look at what you do have, I bet you have many lovely positives that you can console yourself with when feeling hard done by.

if you think you also qualify, why don't you look for help?

Owllady · 03/09/2013 14:17

It's pre school not childcare

Feminine · 03/09/2013 14:17

Maybe you are the lady I met in the park? Wink

Saffyz · 03/09/2013 14:18

YABU. As BrokenSunglasses says, it's early years education and is for the child's benefit, not the parents'.

KirstyJC · 03/09/2013 14:18

If she really has made a 'lifestyle' choice (and isn't just trying to make out she has a choice to other people, rather than admit to being stuck in a situation she feels unable to control) then I would think it even MORE important her children get the childcare. Otherwise they will run a greater risk of being behind their peers and then falling into the same trap she has - thinking that jobs aren't for the likes of them and there's no point in trying 'cos they'd never get anything anyway.

Giving the kids the exposure to other people and stimulation will help them when they start school, so maybe this poverty trap might not pass to yet another generation.

Original poster
PrincessScrumpy · 03/09/2013 14:18

I'm not jealous of this woman's life, and if she's been offered it then of chose she should use it. Doubt you'll believe me but I like the woman just don't understand this government policy.

She may be on a level of tax credits rather than income support - she said to another friend it was because of thebenefits she gets.

OP posts:
CaptainUndercrackers · 03/09/2013 14:19

I can sort of see both sides here. The free nursery places are officially about early years education. But in a lot of the media, and in some government rhetoric, they are portrayed as free childcare to help working parents. So I think it's completely understandable that people then get pissed off if it's most easily accessed by non-working parents. I think it needs to be made much clearer that it's not 'childcare' at all, it's education. But it suits the government for the issue to be fudged as then they get to say they're helping people get back into work, when really they're not.

furfoxsake · 03/09/2013 14:19

I must be missing something here.

What about a situation where a child's mother is working (and on an excellent income) but the child is not looked after in a nursery/childcare setting e.g. Grandmother. That child doesn't qualify for free childcare at 2 so is socially held back. Doesn't the government care about that child? I'm not sure i agree that it's about the child at all, because in that case it isn't.

And I know a child in the above scenario.

HeySoulSister · 03/09/2013 14:19

So you got your story wrong.... Tax credits, possibly. You have no clue really do you?

MurderOfGoths · 03/09/2013 14:20

So you don;t actually know why she is getting it? You've just assumed based on a second hand conversation?

HeySoulSister · 03/09/2013 14:20

So her partner works?

charitygirl · 03/09/2013 14:21

To make sure you get the message: it's not childcare, it's early education, and there is sound evidence that children from disadvantaged homes benefit disproportionately from early ed if they start it earlier.

Whether you think she is disadvantaged is neither here not there.

GalaxyDefender · 03/09/2013 14:21

My DS has just been able to take advantage of his free hours. He's at nursery right now. While neither me or DP work, it is a godsend for us and is already helping him learn to socialise with his peers and behave himself without us present. It'll also be useful because he won't be completely out of his depth when he goes to school next year.

As many other posters have said, these schemes are for the childrens benefit, not the parents. Even if it IS a benefit to the parent, that often has a knock-on effect on the child - in my case it means I can have a bit of time to relax and am less stressed as a result (being on benefits/a low income is very stressful!), which means I feel more capable of doing stuff with DS when he's home.

MurderOfGoths · 03/09/2013 14:22

furfox In general there are less opportunities for social activity for children when on parents are on benefits compared to parents working. Obviously this is generalised and there are exceptions. Especially when you are talking pre-school age children.

Saffyz · 03/09/2013 14:23

I like the woman just don't understand this government policy.

If you're really against a policy which helps families on a low income to access pre-school education, then complain to your MP, rather than picking out one particular person.

Sirzy · 03/09/2013 14:24

so you are guessing as to why she gets it then.

The free hours for 2 year olds are given to help ensure that children from homes with certain circumstances which often leave them at a disadvantage aren't left behind their peers.

Thats not about discrimination but about trying to ensure a level playing field as much as possible with the limited resources to do so.