to think that my life cannot possibly be any worse

[BuddyNu]

It all started last October when I had a miscarriage followed by my husband having two heart surgeries, followed by my father spending 4 months in hospital (in another county 100 miles away)with septecemia having been told he would die, followed by sister being diagnosed an anorexic, my brother in law is an alcoholic, my brother was declared a bankrupt and moved country with his entire family followed by another miscarriage, diagnosis of a possible auto-immune diesease (which I hope will turn out to be ok) followed by having to move out of my beautiful house last week to move in with my mother in law for 3 months because my entire house (except for 2 rooms) being damaged by a faulty heating system(everything has to go), followed by being told I have a 58k tax bill, 10k heating system replacement (on top of whatever our insurance premium will be after this if we can get insured) and having only 23k to pay it because I am hopelessly naive, followed by my husband being told his job is in jeopardy, follwed by sitting at my desk with no work and knowing that I cannot sustain it. The only thing that is good and right is that after one successful IUI I am 9 weeks pregnant but I am consmed with worry about having no money and upset that I think I will miscarry and I cant stop crying because the misery keeps coming.

Poor you

How did you get a 58k tax bill? Perhaps that's the first thing to tackle.

That sounds awful. Poor you.

But (trying hard to see the bright side):

• you are pregnant
• your husband survived his two hear surgeries
• you have £23k, which may not be enough but is a lot better than not having it

I was once given a piece of advice when faced with a fairly huge problem: How do you eat an elephant? In bite size chunks. Tackle each problem individually - focus on those you can make a difference about and try to help where you can with the others. Your sister's anorexia, your BIL's alcoholism, your brother's move and bankruptcy - none of those are your problems. They are other people's problems which you are possibly affected by. Try to be empathetic to them but focus on what you need to do to get through the immediate future (jobs, bills, pregnancy).

Good luck

Gosh it never rain until it pours, life has an awful way of throwing bad things at us all at once. It's had to believe it's just part of someone's master plan but things will get better.

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time, a lot of the stuff is out of your control, the pregnancy is probably causing anxiety and making you feel even worse but that too is out of your control , just deal with the bits you can fix , like tax bill? Are you self employed I take it?
If you can't afford it contact them and try arrange something , don't put your head on the sand.
Can you pay for early scan and that might put your mind at rest?

bloody hell 10k for a heating system?! get another couple of quotes for that. The tax bill, work it out with HMRC BEFORE they get in touch with you - making the first mood will set you in good stead.

I was about to say about the heating system too why is it 10k? I thought you were talking 3k max for new boiler and radiators etc

Wow thats a whole lotta tax has it built up over time? Talk to them with a sensible offer of staged payments talking to them is key we can never pay our tax on time and they are akways reasonable although ours has only ever been about 2k. Take stock of what you CAN control and sort that everything else just accept. You have had a really rough time of things but it will get better

10k for heating seems high but depends what you need shop around and just have bare minimum for now hit water and source if heat is your house big? Can you just sort essential rooms can you claim on insurance?

Dont panic.

You are overwhelmed, that is no surprise, but it is manageable. the hormones are making you more scared than you need to be.

The taxman will agree a payment schedule with you if this is a genuine FU. And in any case the bill may be estimated and higher than you really owe. Get in touch with them, explain. But pay the heating bill first so you can truthfully answer questions about how much money you have.

You will get back home fairly soon and actually it may not be a bad time to get some support from your MIL.

Your family are ill in various ways but there is nothing you have to do about it personally, apart from give hugs and sympathy.

Money may be tight for a while especially if you are having a baby. Wait and see what happens with the job for DH. If necessary, make new plans around a new reality.

WOAH!
OK that is a lot.

Positive bits first:

YEAH you are PREGNANT!

YEAH DH heart surgery was OK?!
YEAH - you have somewhere to live and a house that is being sorted.

Your priorities are:
Yours and LO health
Your home (with DH)
Your fiscal future (with DH)

The rest is NOT YOUR PROBLEM and thus you don't have to spend any time energy and effort on it right now.

Get yourself on to Martin's MoneySavingExpert web site and take a long hard look at your finances - work out where you can cut down / back / out and get your budget going. This will put you in control and so you can make decisions. it will also let you and DH know what action needs to be taken.

Are you sure the tax bill is correct? If necessary get some professional help on this one make sure, then phone HMRC and explain what you can afford (DON'T USE ALL YOUR SAVINGS RIGHT NOW). Please note this is after you have worked out the afford bit from the MSE bit above.

You need to do this sooner not later I am afraid. If only for your own peace of mind. But also paying it back slower time to HMRC needs planning and their agreement.

Unless your insurance is due right now, forget it, you cannot do a thing about it yet. And even after a serious water issue you can always get insurance, and it is not that much more expensive speaks the voice of experience here Concentrate on the fact you are getting the house put right and you have somewhere to live and YOU ARE PREGNANT

Speak to HV or get a private scan if that is what you need to feel OK. Then remember you are strong and taking care of this LO so start being kind to you

Also talk to DH - he is probably in the same boat as you and panicking nicely but not wanting to worry you with a good panic - you are both in this so take advantage of the support there!

You will be fine, asPTFS said above - one bite at a time

Perhaps visit your CAB or contact some of the free charitable organisations for some debt management advice too. It's a strain but you can get through it until you start to feel under control.

Postscript

I went for my 12 week scan today and was told the baby at stopped growing at 9 weeks. Its the third miscarriage in 11 months and was the only positive thing we were clinging on to. I really don't see how things could possibly get worse. I feel utterly broken.

I'm so sorry.

So sorry

Oh Buddy
But it's not a postscript. It's not over. You're life will get better and you will be happier.

I'm so sorry Buddy. I can't imagine how low you must feel.

Have there been any improvements in any of the other issues you were facing?

Sorry to hear that Buddynu absolutely heartbreaking , I had 3 miscarriages in 2010 and it just hurts so much , I had tests at the recurrent miscarriage clinic and no explanation was given . Be kind to yourself xxx

Sorry you are having an utterly miserable time. Times like this you have to keep plodding on to get to the good times. They will come. V v sorry about your loss.

so so so sorry sweetheart.

I am so sorry you have had such hard times. Thinking of you

I'm so sorry for your loss Buddy

I am wondering what a person has to earn to owe that much tax.

So sorry love

I am so sorry for all yor loses. I bet 3 MC is 11 months would be very hard to come to terms with. If you need some support I would look at this website.

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/