Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want MIL and SIL to stay in a hotel

91 replies

HollieHelen · 02/09/2013 13:58

... and not in the living room of our small 3-bed terrace when they come over to stay for a week??
We have no living area when they're staying and everything gets very tense / claustrophobic.
DH has accused me of being inhospitable (fair comment) BUT I have done some unforgivable things to him this past year and have a lot of making up to do.
Just can't stand the thought of the invasion though ...

OP posts:
LeGavrOrf · 04/09/2013 10:07

Fluffyraggles has just summed up the whole of mumsnet. Grin

If I were you I would put one of the kids in with you and let your in laws have that room on the proviso that your DH cleans it after. They're his relatives after all.

I would not have anyone stay in the sitting room, that's just crap for everyone.

Original poster
HollieHelen · 04/09/2013 10:09

No way I am letting DH clean!!! I will take charge of that.
Just hope DD's room survives the onslaught ...

xx

OP posts:
allmycats · 04/09/2013 10:13

If your DH had worded this - what would you think ?

My mother and sister would like to spend some time in our family home so that they can visit with me and my wife and catch up with the grandchildren and nephew/niece but my wife is not willing to co operate.

Think YABU

Original poster
HollieHelen · 04/09/2013 10:15

it's not as bad as you make it sound, honestly! i have always cooperated so far - we've been together 12 years. They drive DH mad too but obviously he has a far higher tolerance for this as they're his family.

OP posts:
Seaweedy · 04/09/2013 10:15

I have to say I'm in the hotel camp for those with limited space.

We had a tiny London flat, and while we certainly squashed up on a few occasions, it got uncomfortable rather fast, especially, when we gave up our bed to our elderly parents and slept on the living room floor on an air mattress, but then had to deal with both fathers, on their visits, falling over us as they went through to the loo (off living room) several times a night, and then again in the mornings, as my dad and both ILs are very early (pre 6 am) risers and would want to make cups of tea (kitchen also off living room)!

Nicer all round for them to stay in a hotel nearby.

alarkthatcouldpray · 04/09/2013 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MariaLuna · 04/09/2013 10:55

Seems your DH gets to make all the decisions - them staying with you, you staying with them.....

EldritchCleavage · 04/09/2013 11:01

Agree with one child going in with you. And get SIL to clean up her own mess while she is there. That's the price of staying with you and not in a hotel. Why can't DH do some cleaning, by the way?

Original poster
HollieHelen · 04/09/2013 13:05

I'd want to make sure it was done properly - I'm a control freak :(
SIL oblivious to mess.

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 04/09/2013 13:12

Oh, OP. Better to let SIL and DH do it and through that, truly realise what a pain in the arse SIL/mess is. Even if you re-do everything later, make them roll their sleeves up.

NoGoatsToe · 04/09/2013 13:29

What sort of mess does she make??? I don't understand ... how she can mess up a room that badly... unless she's dying her hair and dripping it on the carpet, smoking or painting? Confused Since you aren't going to spill the beans on your misdemeanours that need forgiven, can you explain hers? Wink

Ubud · 04/09/2013 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Montybojangles · 04/09/2013 13:35

Can't they have your room and you sleep in the living room if you don't want to put DC together? That way the ILs mess is closed off from the living space in the daytime.

Original poster
HollieHelen · 04/09/2013 13:36

This will sound awful as deep down she is a nice person - she has terrible BO, she and her clothes smell terrible and stink out any room she sleeps in - she wears synthetic pjs and sweats at night. She sheds loads of hair. She has facial hair (I know, I know ... have said to DH many time she needs to see an endocrinologist to get hormone issues sorted as she won't take that advice from me), doesn't clean after shaving, doesn't clean shower or toilet.
Last time she blocked the loo, tried to unblock it with toilet brush, then tried to wash toilet brush out in sink. There was poo mess everywhere when I eventually got to the bathroom.

I had a brief affair and DH stuck with me and he is really hurting so I really feel I owe him big, big, big time.

OP posts:
Original poster
HollieHelen · 04/09/2013 13:38

My parents and siblings do stay but they are only 2 hours away so stay for one night max, very occasionally - and I have the confidence to ask them to clean up if they do make mess!!

Putting them in our room is an idea though ...

OP posts:
winklewoman · 04/09/2013 14:39

I think forgiving the affair trumps having to deal with pooey mess.

Original poster
HollieHelen · 04/09/2013 14:43

Yes, I think you're probably right ... I have definitely lost any right to complain that I had previous to being so awful.
DH deserves better than that.

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 04/09/2013 14:58

Yeah, but no reason why he can't speak to MIL and SIL about keeping the house clean, no reason at all. It's not doing SIL any favours to let these things go.

Thumbwitch · 04/09/2013 15:05

If I were you, and you HAVE to have them in the house, I'd try and put them in one of the bedrooms and put whichever child you can bear to inconvenience in the living room instead. I'd also suggest that DH has a word re. the hygiene issue - I couldn't cope with that for a week!

But I'd be trying to get them to stay elsewhere as well. Maybe a caravan on the drive?

My BIL stayed one night in my house in the UK. He came over from Australia for our wedding, as did MIL, her sister and her best friend. I had all of them bar BIL in the house for 2 weeks, on and off, and it nearly did for me - but BIL only stayed one night because at least the women were hygienic, clean and helpful! He was anything but. I wouldn't have had him there that one night except he'd been kicked out of his cousin's home for disgustingness. He went into a B&B for the remainder of his stay as I said to DH I couldn't cope with him (I was also pg and my Mum was in hospital dying at the time, so was pretty on edge).

There's being hospitable, and then there's being taken for a mug. Houseguests who are foul are undeserving of hospitality, IMO.

Thumbwitch · 04/09/2013 15:07

Argh. Xposted but actually it doesn't make a lot of difference to my thoughts.

mrsbeano · 04/09/2013 15:11

OP, mine used to come and stay in our lounge too and I hated it. Their crap stuff everywhere and them being there every chuffing evening. At least when we go to them, we go out for the evening and leave them to it (whilst they babysit LO).

When we get our own house, I'm tempted to buy somewhere that's impossible for them to stay in.

mrsbeano · 04/09/2013 15:12

I think it's normal to not like it and enjoy going back to your slobbish ways - I turn into a neat freak when MIL is there and then she has a go saying how I'm too tidy for her son!

Gracie990 · 04/09/2013 15:14

God I would hate it and I've got room!

Just say no, everyone will have a much better time.

axure · 04/09/2013 15:21

YANBU, its your home not a doss house hotel. People who leave pooey mess in their host's bathroom can't expect to get another invite.

Lethologica · 04/09/2013 15:26

Just keep reminding yourself you are doing it for your DH. Smile and nod, it will be fine.

Swipe left for the next trending thread