AIBU to think my mother should just bloody act like an adult with regards to my xmas forthcoming birth....

[DMCT]

Im havinga c section on 23rd of dec with my second child, first child loadsa complications etc etc long v v long recovery needing surgery etc.
Mum and dad will be coming to stay the 23rd, 24th to look after first child 5year old.....we were not sure about xmas, but thought we'd figure that one out before hand.

Mum has been getting all bloody heated bout it already, re xmas day because it is their xmas as well, and they need to plan it and my 34 year old brother will be coming too as he lives at home, and its his xmas too....! I have told here Im not really bothered about a xmas dinner as its not a priority for me really, my consultant said i may be out xmas day... Im not sure i can cope with her stressing over a bloody turkey - which she does every year. She has also gotten it in her head that dh doesnt want them there on xmas day, and that is the reason im not sure about xmas day. This is totally not true.

So all in all she is stressing me out already - she has also said she is not going to beg to come up. So we had a major arguement about it on the phone this am, she was in a 'poor me' mood , and i probably should have changed the conversation before she got going, but i didnt.

I just wish for once she could be the bloody adult, 'man up', and say something along the lines of we'll be up, we'll look after your dh and ds, and everything will be fine.

I dont know how ill feel after having this baby, im worried obviously, everything went so wrong last time. I dont know if i can cope with a houseful when i get out, or maybe i will really like it...But of course she has said she would know exactly what she was doing if she was having the baby etc....

Rant over :-(

The mother can't just have ds on 23 dec because op has said she lives too far away

Missed this bit. In this case i would be having a xmasy meal with parents and brother a couple of days before the c. section and then asking a friend to have DC1 on the day of surgery. Again - having a quiet xmas, then perhaps having family over later on in the month/new year.

It just is not worth all the accompanying hastle for one days babysitting by DM.

Why do people get so bloody het up about Christmas dinner. It drives me nuts. Surely Christmas is not solely about sodding turkey dinners. Seriously. Who gives a shit what you eat? Your DS certainly won't and neither with your DH. If your parents and brother can't possibly cope with the idea of one missed roast dinner because of a new baby I'd tell them all where to go personally.

My XDH was like this the Christmas I was pregnant. I had horrific HG. I ended up in hospital the day after Boxing Day, I really should have gone before but the stubborn arse in me 'didn't want to ruin christmas'.

He insisted on cooking Christmas dinner. He also insisted on buying me lots of presents. I'd barely left the house for a month by that point so really didn't give a shit about any of it. I was pregnant after 4 long years of trying, what on earth did presents and dinner matter, I already had the best Christmas present ever.

Anyway, I had to put on a fake excited face at every present, then drag myself out of bed to force half a stuffing ball down my throat shortly after projectile vomiting for half and hour.

I'd spent the week leading up to Christmas trying my best to get him to understand that all I wanted was for us to attempt to make the most of our last Christmas just the two of us and snuggle up on the couch watching Christmas movies. Nope. 'You can't have Christmas without Christmas dinner' apparently.

OP you are absolutely right when you talk about blinkers. That's exactly what it is. Unfortunately some people are unable to remove them. To some people Christmas is about having a turkey dinner. To some of us that is simply a small part of it.

I don't know what to advise other than to echo everyone else who said the only option is to try and stay in hospital because sadly, I can't see she is going to suddenly see your point of view. It's wrong because you should be looking forward to the best Christmas ever, and concentrating on how you can prepare yourself as calmly as possible for the birth. Instead all of that is going to be completely overshadowed by the whole 'what shall we do about Christmas dinner' debate.

Sending good wishes for a straight-forward birth

Blimey, soz about the essay. Clearly I am still harbouring a sizeable amount of resentment

OP, get a babysitter or nanny or friend or something for those few days, you'll end up stressed to the eyeballs otherwise! And there are plenty who'd do it, I'd happily work Christmas (nanny) and many others would too.

I got to say I am a tad confused. why do you need so much babysitting? I would see if a friend could oblige for a few hours on the day and then its down to dh.

your mom can stay home and make a nice Xmas for her and your dad and brother.

really don't get stressed about this. it will all work out and totally understand how your mom isn't helping.