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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say "no thank you" to a newborn photo shoot?

35 replies

Soupqueen · 01/09/2013 04:52

I'm 34 weeks pregnant with DC1, who will be the first grandchild on both sides. Prospective grandparents all very excited.

FiL is a lovely, kind man but doesn't always think things through - he also has very set views on everything and can't understand others seeing things differently.

He has decided that he is going to pay for a newborn photo shoot for DH and I's Christmas present. At 5-10 days old. I have no idea what shape any of us will be in at 5-10 days post birth and really don't want to commit to this. He's insistent that he wants to pay the deposit now and get it booked in (not sure how as we have no idea when this baby will actually arrive!)

We also really dislike these photos, they're not to our taste. We're not studio photo people, don't have any wedding photos displayed etc. I don't mind doing some photos for him, but suspect that they'll expect to see these photos proudly displayed on our walls. How do you tell someone that something isn't to your taste, without sounding like you're criticising their taste?

Just typing this out makes me realise how petty this is, I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but I can't sleep and so my mind is dwelling.

WIBU to say "thanks, but no thanks" or just suck it up for a quiet life?

OP posts:
BushCricket · 01/09/2013 05:06

Will he be picking the photographer? Some photographers work in a more 'lifestyle'way so not doing the Anne Geddes style shots. (That would also mean you would be handling your baby rather than someone else posing them, nor that there's anything wrong with that. )
Also you could perhaps by an album rather than framed prints. Perhaps he wants framed prints for himself which I guess it's a nice thing.

BushCricket · 01/09/2013 05:07

Buy not by...

SecondStarToTheRight · 01/09/2013 05:09

I would say thank you but no thanks if you really don't want it. If you feel that you have to accept, why not ask for it to be done at about 3-6 months old? At that age you can get some idea of the babies personality and you will have had time to recover from the birth.

If I am saying no to things from my parents I often find it easier to say if you really want to get Us something we would love xyz. That way they feel like they are giving us something special and we get something that we will appreciate.

BeauNatt · 01/09/2013 05:17

Is there any way the present could be accepted for a shoot sometime next year? I am with you about these cheesy photos but if you had to have it, it'd be more practical and baby will be more smiley at, say, 8-9 months old?

Original poster
Soupqueen · 01/09/2013 05:23

Good idea, I will try the no thanks to newborn but a shoot in a few months time would be lovely line.

OP posts:
Patilla · 01/09/2013 05:27

After having an emergency c section with my first I was an emotional and physical mess.

I was barely in a fit state to go outside let alone be photographed. And I went into that labour ward planning to have a minimal pain relief water birth.

Labour is unpredictable, leaving aside the fact that babies rarely arrive on schedule, the practicalities of a photoshoot 5-10 days post birth seems unrelialistic even if you did want the photos.

cantreachmytoes · 01/09/2013 05:31

YANBU. 5-10 days after the birth is too early to organise something you know you don't want to do. And baby is YOUR baby, regardless of how kind or excited grandparents are.

What does your DH think? Surely it's his DF, so it's his problem to sort. After all, you're busy being pregnant.

If you don't mind getting photos done though and your issue is primarily the taste factor, how about organising your own shoot, photographer of your choice and at home, as the Christmas present for all the GPs? Then tell FIL that you had wanted it to be a surprise.

Original poster
Soupqueen · 01/09/2013 05:31

That's one of my concerns, patilla, we just have no idea what our experience will be like.

I'm worried enough about being capable of dealing with his visits and well intentioned advice, let alone having a photographer added to the mix!

OP posts:
Original poster
Soupqueen · 01/09/2013 05:33

It is DH's problem to sort, and we are of the same view. He will speak to his father, how much of it gets through to him is another issue!

OP posts:
PeppermintCreamsSaga · 01/09/2013 06:27

At 5-10 days old, your baby is going to be able to be moulded into those awful bendy poses with their heads resting on their arms etc. Some sort of newborn reflex.

You can see some here:
www.flickr.com/groups/neonatal/

As you are now 34 weeks, any decent photographer who does these sort of shots will probably be fully booked. If you can find one, that you like, that does this thing all the time, they will be very patient, won't rush things, will be ok with you stopping to feeding the baby etc. They also book a certain number over a month, because they know how unpredictable babies are.

But I think your FIL has his own ideas. Hmm Does he have a friend starting a business or a mate with a discount?

PeppermintCreamsSaga · 01/09/2013 06:29

www.flickr.com/groups/neonatal/

Link fail. And to clarify, they won't make the actual appointment until after baby is born.

PeppermintCreamsSaga · 01/09/2013 06:29

www.flickr.com/groups/neonatal/

Ozziegirly · 01/09/2013 13:31

Babies aren't that cute when they're so tiny, but by about 6-9 months they are gorgeously chubby, smiley, do sweet little expressions and look much more like "professional babies" (can you tell I have an 8 month old?), so I'd leave it til then - plus you'll probably be back to feeling a bit more normal.

I would have hated a photo shoot at 5 days and I had an uncomplicated ELCS - I still felt like crap and was the size of a house, and weirdly sweaty to boot.

I would love one now though as thanks to weightwatchers I'm thin, and my baby is all perfect and squidgy.

janey68 · 01/09/2013 13:34

Turn it down if its not your thing. Personally I think some Of these shoots are just ghastly. Really good quality cameras are relatively inexpensive and easy to use nowadays and IMO nothing beats truly natural shots taken at home doing normal things. Studio shots are by definition an unnatural situation and not to everyone's taste

hettienne · 01/09/2013 13:37

I love these photos, but luckily my cousin is a photographer so can come to us when the baby is a week or two and do the photos here. Could you get someone to come to you if you don't like studio pictures?

If you really don't like newborn photos, then doing some in a few months time sounds like a good compromise.

DropYourSword · 01/09/2013 13:38

Does nobody else think the babies in the linked pictures were super cute!

Just me? Dammit, so so broody!

fluffyraggies · 01/09/2013 13:39

Jeeze OP wild horses wouldn't drag me into a photo studio at 5/10 days post birth!

IME i look my absolute worst in those first 2 weeks than at ANY time of my life. Greasy hair, leaky boobs and a sanitary pad the size of a king size matress shoved in my knickers ....

no.

Maybe compromise and say babe can be posed for a snap or two while you wait in the car wings?

fluffyraggies · 01/09/2013 13:43

Sorry - are you meant to be in the photo? Maybe not. I might have the wrong end of the stick, thinking it was a family shot.

OP as far as having these pics up after the shoot is done - just have one for a while, then, when babe has changed dramatically after about 4 weeks replace with a later pic. Maybe one you have taken yourselves. The FIL will be happy he has had the photo shoot, you'll have displayed a pic, and hopefully that will be that.

hettienne · 01/09/2013 13:44

Newborn shoots are just the baby (unless the parents particularly want to be in it I guess).

aufaniae · 01/09/2013 13:49

My photographer friend did a photoshoot at our house with us when DD was 9 days and the pics are lovely. It was very relaxed and a nice afternoon. However, I didn't have a CS, it wasn't my first baby and I knew that the photographer would be really nice as I've known her 20 years!

I agree with others, best to book it for a few months, not the first few days if you're not sure.

My photographer friend is absolutely lovely, if you're in London I could always pass on her details (PM me if you want them).

Or, as a compromise, I know my photographer friend is very understanding, I'm sure she'd be happy to take a booking for the early days then put it off if you don't feel up to it. I wonder if other photographers might do this too? If they work with mothers and newborns fairly often you'd hope they would be sympathetic!

aufaniae · 01/09/2013 13:51

Also, I wouldn't want to go into a studio in the early days. Many photographers will come into your home. They will probably bring backdrops etc so no need to deep clean your house (or tidy up even!)

janey68 · 01/09/2013 13:53

I think the linked photos of babies with massive flowers in their hair or posed to look like they're peeking out of a fruit bowl or basket or such like are awful.

Give me a natural photo of a newborn sleeping or in its parents arms, taken on a decent quality camera any day

ZingWantsCake · 01/09/2013 14:03

there's no fucking way I'd agree to that.

I don't have time to list the reasons why, so please repeat after me the most important one reason because I don't want to!.

hth

NoComet · 01/09/2013 14:10

I totally agree with everyone above, I've also come to say wait a few months.

The only pro shots I have of either DD, apart from school, are of DD1 aged about 5 months.

We happened to wander into Boots when they had a photographer their.

It was a young woman and DD took to her instantly. I bought the lot (and I certainly couldn't afford them).

DD1 just thought it was great fun and even grind when sat in a big plastic flower pot.

She's 15 and those photo's still make me smile.

Sallystyle · 01/09/2013 14:11

It is easier to take photos of babies at that age.

I have gone to peoples homes and take lifestyle photos of newborns so the parents don't have to leave the house.

Is there a chance you can ask him to look for a lifestyle photographer?