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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have we been offensive...?

73 replies

babysaurus · 31/08/2013 21:16

My DH has / had become quite good mates with one of our neighbours. They have two kids, we don't know her as well but he is the kind of person you bump into outside and find yourself talking to for nearly an hour.

DH and he have been going out for early morning dog walks. These have generally been great, lots to talk about etc, apart from our neighbour tends to go on and on (sometimes three quarters of the walk) about how either DH is old and calling him grandad etcetera, or about DS being ginger. (For the record, DH at 43 is three years older than neighbour and DS has blond hair, not that either of us would give a shit if it was ginger.) This constant 'banter' is quite irritating but DH couldn't change the subject or tell him to give it a rest without neighbour then going on and ON about how it was true /don't try and deny it and so on. Apart from this he's an alright bl

OP posts:

Patosshades · 01/09/2013 00:11

Why do people do this? Yes the joke was funny the 1st time, by the 1000th time no court in the land would convict you for knocking seven shades of shite out of them.

Steer clear of unfunny neighbour.

Listentomum · 01/09/2013 00:50

I think he fancies your DH, not sure why I think that but to me it sounds like they spend lots of time together and the banter is attention seeking on the neighbours part and he has been a little disgruntled your DH isn't lapping it up.

FreudiansSlipper · 01/09/2013 00:58

seems a little fixated on your dh and wanting his attention

let him sulk and you have some rest from oh so funny witty remarks

NadiaWadia · 01/09/2013 00:58

Your DH wasn't being offensive, the neighbour was. It's funny how there are a lot of people who constantly insult other people in a 'joking' fashion (and if anyone complains they are miserable and cannot take a joke) but cannot take any hint of criticism themselves.

mymatemax · 01/09/2013 01:04

sounds like a complete tosser

AgentZigzag · 01/09/2013 01:14

I have friends I can slag off 'banter' with like this (although the odd occasion rather than consistently like this bloke), in fact most of them over the years, all similar ages, and all pick up on the old twat thing.

But it's got to be worked up to over time, you can't assume that because you have that kind of friendship with other people, everyone will be up for it.

You've got to know they won't think you really mean it, that whatever you say, they're confident enough to know you genuinely like them (which again only comes about through time).

Your DH has just broken the type of friendship the other bloke thought he had which could sustain his 'ribbing' of your DH, which I can see might make him a bit and to find out it's not as he read it to be.

Your DH wasn't in the wrong to say it, the constant plugging away of the same thing is going to be wearing after a while, but your DH has in effect said he's fundamentally not on the same wavelength as this bloke, that's never going to be taken well is it?

LolaCrayola · 01/09/2013 01:25

I think he is jealous of your husband. His text sounds like he is trying to convince himself about his wonderful lot!

DanicaJones · 01/09/2013 01:31

There was nothing wrong with your dh engaging in a spot of mild ribbing considering the endless crap jokes he has had to listen to. People tend to overeact when someone hits a raw nerve. The raw nerve could be because he realises he is none too bright and a crap conversationalist and that he does the endless jokes to try to cover that or it could be that he somehow feel embarrassed about being at home a lot. Does he definitely work from home or is it possible that he isn't working but says that to cover it, hence raw nerve about spending too much time with kids? He definitely sounds like someone who can dish it out but not take it. Not much of a loss all in all. Sadly his kids will probably end up going to school and making some kid with red hair's life a misery as they have grown up with the example of a dad going on and on and about how hilarious red hair is.

DanicaJones · 01/09/2013 01:38

PS. No you've not been offensive.

ShadowsCollideWithPeople · 01/09/2013 01:55

He sounds like a dick, tbh. I know people like this. They love dishing out insults, veiled as 'banter', so if you get offended they can say 'oh such and such has no sense of humour, can't take a joke', but they can't hack it if the 'banter' is at their expense. I'd be steering well clear of him in the future.

NadiaWadia · 01/09/2013 02:07

My brother is like this. I think it's a form of narcissism. They are 'special' so no one is allowed to criticize them (and they get very angry if anyone dares to) but they never consider their own constant jokey putdowns of others might offend. I suppose other people are just not quite as real as themselves!

pongping · 01/09/2013 02:25

AgentZigZag has it spot on.

AgentZigzag · 01/09/2013 02:33

Are you drunk pong?

NadiaWadia · 01/09/2013 02:43

Yes but ZigZag, presumably you can 'dish it out' and take it? Right? And if you were annoying someone or going too far you would be able to pick up the signals in time to stop?

Whereas the OP's neighbour did not. He has poor social skills.

AgentZigzag · 01/09/2013 03:04

I over analiyse any interactions I have Nadia, so I hope I would pick up on the signs.

But then I also know what it's like to think you've got the measure of something only for it to turn out the complete opposite. Like I thought everything was great with a bloke I was living with years ago, turns out he couldn't stand me and that did give me a jolt actually. That the things I measured relationship shit with were totally wrong, why didn't I see it?

The way this bloke's been thinking about the friendship he's got with the DH is all t'cock with what the DH expects.

Nobody's fault like, hopefully they can have a beer at some point, ignore that bit and just be normal with each other again, for the OP's sake.

pongping · 01/09/2013 03:09

I fecking wish :o

I am sitting in a hotel lobby with my wide-awake six month old watching drunk people...

AgentZigzag · 01/09/2013 03:17

Having a cuddly 6 month old cancels the hotel lobby bit

I'll have a drink for you.

jumpingpillows · 01/09/2013 07:10

he = twat

Flicktheswitch · 01/09/2013 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alemci · 01/09/2013 12:05

I used to work with a lady like that. always teasing and making fun and putting others down.

I got fed up and wound her up. she didn't like it one bit.

Bowlersarm · 01/09/2013 12:14

Neighbour sounds very annoying. The childish piss taking would really really bother me after a while.

The trouble with getting so friendly with neighbours, is that it's great to become great friends (and easy to become great friends as well as they are always around, and there is no effort to meet up as you virtually live with each other anyway) and you can immediately fall into a relationship if you 'click'. But then it's hard to take a step back if there is a problem, because you are in close physical proximity. It gets embarrassing if you start having to avoid each other.

DanicaJones · 01/09/2013 12:31

Agent Banter is good, but I'm sure the type of banter you engage in doesn't consist of endlessly saying that someone's blonde son is ginger or that they are an old grandad.

AgentZigzag · 01/09/2013 13:38

I'd rather say nothing than be that desperate to fill the gap.

Some people can banter about ginger hair without anyone involved being offended, but you can't assume anything.

How people look and picking on children are off limits though IMO.

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