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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is H? No idea and would love to know! Baby sitting related.

39 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 31/08/2013 13:32

We are planning our first holiday since DD was born and are hoping to go to an Italian city for a week when she is 7.5month.

DH wants to book a couple of meals out and 'get a babysitter'.

I am not comfortable doing this and have said so!! He think I am being silly and I think he is being gung ho.

DD would be asleep, yes, almost certainly, (she sleeps until at least 1or 2 am) but what if she woke up in strange place with a strange person and we were half an hour away? Ok it wouldn't scar her for life but I hate the thought of her being upset (she screams blue murder sometimes even when her grandma takes her, if teething etc) more to the point (or is this just me being ludicrously PFB?) how do we know about her actual safety with a sitter we don't know? We would be self catering so couldn't get a hotel-arranged sitter and I don't know how you go about finding someone you can be sure is safe... If it were here for example I would know about checks that need to be made, but have no idea of the corresponding situation elsewhere.

We do know a friend's 15 yo daughter very slightly so could ask her but we don't know her well and though she seems reliable you never know pls she is very young, not sure I would want a 15 yo on duty however grown up she seems...

But would other MNers do this without batting an eyelid? Am I just being ridiculously OTT or is DH being irresponsible?

Also I just have a vision of us going out for dinner and me bolting down my calamari at warp speed so we can get back in fifteen mins flat... :)

OP posts:

Mumof3xx · 31/08/2013 13:34

I wouldn't do it personally but then the only people who have watched my dc while we went out are grandparents

littlewhitebag · 31/08/2013 13:35

Am confused. Is this a babysitter when you are in Italy? Do you know an Italian girl or are you talking about going out here?

If you are going out in Italy take baby with you. Italians love bambino's and take them everywhere. No need for any babysitter.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 31/08/2013 13:37

I wouldn't do it either. Even with an 18 months old, DH and I are rubbish at eating our dinner slowly if we get the opportunity to go out!

I know some holiday companies provide crèches and baby sitting services but to me that's a lot different from being in another country and having to find someone yourself.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 31/08/2013 13:37

Sorry, yes, the 15yo is in Italy... Wasn't clear!

I have said this to DH (re taking baby with us) and he thinks great idea for most things but he wants to treat me to a posh anniversary dinner while we're there (he has his eye on a place we went on honeymoon... His motives are good!!!) and don't think they would be happy with a baby...

OP posts:

FrigginRexManningDay · 31/08/2013 13:38

I wouldn't use a babysitter that I didn't know well at home or on holiday. Your DH is BVU.

littlewhitebag · 31/08/2013 13:38

I definitely would not leave my baby with a stranger abroad.

Bogeyface · 31/08/2013 13:38

Would I leave my child with someone I didnt know and couldnt check out? Nope, never. Not home or abroad.
It would probably be fine, but to me the risk that it might not be isnt worth it for a dinner.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 31/08/2013 13:38

Pobble thank you, you see that's what I think...

OP posts:

LlamaLover · 31/08/2013 13:40

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with it, and it sounds like you wouldn't either. Which is fine. It's not going to be the reconnecting, romantic meal your husband wants if you can't relax. So you need a new plan, some sort of compromise. Where he gets to be with you with no kid distraction (and a little romance/sex?) and you get to enjoy that too, without worrying about DD.

How about you have a wander around a local market, pick up some special ingredients and cook a posh meal at the self catering place once she's in bed? Can you maybe eat out on the terrace? Or get a place with a balcony overlooking a square? Then you feel like you're 'out' but still within earshot of DD so you can relax. Or go out with her asleep in pram and promise each other to talk about other subjects than DD, so it feels a it like it did before she came along?

You just have to think creatively and compromise to make sure you both get what you want. Hope it works out for you. I love Italy!

littlewhitebag · 31/08/2013 13:40

Why don't you go for a lovely lunch at honeymoon place. Surely baby can go with you for lunch.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 31/08/2013 13:40

Fab thanks ladies, am off to show this to DH... He is basing a lot of what he thinks is ok on a friend of ours who used strange babysitters (unknown ones I mean not actually strange!!) whenever she went abroad but tbf she was trying to fix a failing marriage with dates out with her H...

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 31/08/2013 13:41

I don't even have a child and I was still gob smacked when I read this!

I think you should stand your ground, you definitely aren't being unreasonable!

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 31/08/2013 13:41

Llama thanks great ideas!! Also littlewhitebag, that is good thinking... I do love a boozy lunch, too :) nothing better.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 31/08/2013 13:42

Agree with everyone else - I wouldn't leave my baby with someone I didn't know, abroad. What is he thinking ?

claudedebussy · 31/08/2013 13:43

no i definitely would not. if something did go wrong i'd never forgive myself. just not worth it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 31/08/2013 13:44

Can I just add that I'm rather jealous, we did Italy for our honeymoon too and it was lovely. Also..um, came home with DS, unknowingly.

Yorkieaddict · 31/08/2013 13:45

When DS was that age if we wanted a grown up meal out we would feed him and get him into PJ's before we went out, then put him in his push chair with it reclined so he could go to sleep. Is that a possibility with your DD? I wouldn't be happy with the babysitter idea if it was me.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 31/08/2013 13:45

BackForGood, I know, he really does seem to have this all wrong!

It's all a bit nuts as he's the most amazing dad, couldn't be more loving and gentle with DD, I just think he's basing all this on some faulty info IYSWIM.

I also think there's a part of him that is somehow panicking that not having any alone time/a bite out just the two of us will be 'forever' and so he's being too hasty.

OP posts:

JoinYourPlayfellows · 31/08/2013 13:47

I wouldn't even leave my 5 year old with a 15 year old.

YANBU

pianodoodle · 31/08/2013 13:52

I also think YANBU

I'd be happy enough to just be in Italy to be honest ;)

I'd be anxious leaving the baby too, and you can't really enjoy yourself if you're going to be fidgeting and fretting all night anyway. Best you all go together :)

Thumbwitch · 31/08/2013 13:53

I wouldn't do this in a million years. I would have troubles leaving my children with an unknown person who could actually speak English, should anything go wrong but I'd never do it in a foreign country. And I wouldn't leave a baby that small with a 15yo.

Your DH is being daft, IMO.

Also, why not take the baby with you? We took DS1 out from around 6mo with us, ok not many times, but a few and he was fine - kept him in his car seat in his pushchair so he was table height and could see what was going on, and he could be pushed gently to get him to nod off.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/08/2013 13:54

I have literally waited years to post this;

"Leave the gun baby, take the cannoli"

squeaver · 31/08/2013 13:59

Presumably you know the mother of the 15 yo well, though, don't you? You say she's a friend. Why don't you ask her advice. Perhaps she knows an adult who could do it? Maybe she would do it herself?

squeaver · 31/08/2013 13:59

And [snort] at LFC.

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 31/08/2013 14:03

Squeaver, the mum has elderly parents she can't leave so sadly isn't an option to ask her but true, I guess I can ask if she knows anyone... It'd still be a stranger though so still not sure I could relax...

Laurie, glad I could oblige!

Am so happy to have been judged NU and that DH is U!! Usually I am the U one... :)

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