AIBU or is H? No idea and would love to know! Baby sitting related.

[emeraldgirl1]

We are planning our first holiday since DD was born and are hoping to go to an Italian city for a week when she is 7.5month.

DH wants to book a couple of meals out and 'get a babysitter'.

I am not comfortable doing this and have said so!! He think I am being silly and I think he is being gung ho.

DD would be asleep, yes, almost certainly, (she sleeps until at least 1or 2 am) but what if she woke up in strange place with a strange person and we were half an hour away? Ok it wouldn't scar her for life but I hate the thought of her being upset (she screams blue murder sometimes even when her grandma takes her, if teething etc) more to the point (or is this just me being ludicrously PFB?) how do we know about her actual safety with a sitter we don't know? We would be self catering so couldn't get a hotel-arranged sitter and I don't know how you go about finding someone you can be sure is safe... If it were here for example I would know about checks that need to be made, but have no idea of the corresponding situation elsewhere.

We do know a friend's 15 yo daughter very slightly so could ask her but we don't know her well and though she seems reliable you never know pls she is very young, not sure I would want a 15 yo on duty however grown up she seems...

But would other MNers do this without batting an eyelid? Am I just being ridiculously OTT or is DH being irresponsible?

Also I just have a vision of us going out for dinner and me bolting down my calamari at warp speed so we can get back in fifteen mins flat... :)

How about your DH books a private chef to come to your self catering accommodation and cook you both a romantic dinner that oyu can eat there? Your dh can set the mood, dot candles all over the room etc. and it can still be romantic.

Thumbwitch, will tell him he's being daft... Is the perfect word, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

Overmydeadbody, now that's brilliant...

I would leave the baby as long as you talk to the 15yo first, make sure she was happy and had you on mobile phone contact at all times. And I'd pick a near restaurant so I was only 10 mins away.
My 14yo would be perfectly responsible enough to do this, but I think she'd want the parents fairly near in case of emergency. Can you find some sort of compromise? Maybe start by having a quick half hour coffee and see how it goes? Its a bit of a shame to go all that way and not get a single meal out to yourself.
I'm with your DH, but with compromises.

Overmydeadbody that is a brilliant suggestion.

I definitely wouldn't leave my toddler with a stranger in another country. No way.

I would (and did) leave my 7.5 month olds with teenage baby sitters. But this was in the UK, and I also knew their parents, and we weren't gone far.
However if I was going to Italy I would investigate if there is a professional babysitting service (like Sitters) most Hotels know of such.
They are normally in my experience qualified Nannies. However I would want my child to meet them first, not them just to start sitting after the child was asleep.

But if you aren't happy then that is your choice.

A toddler no, but a 7 month old baby with a friend? God yes! At that age they still don't really get separation anxiety, can't walk etc. can easily be confined to cot. Could you take the baby to the teenager's house, settle her there with teenager nominally in charge but mum on standby in case of emergency?

Yes, the baby might cry a bit but as you say normally all's quiet til 2ish so seriously what are the chances of something going wrong?

For the next few months/years your baby is going to get harder to leave, not easier IME.

Could the mother of the 15 y.o. be around? You say she looks after her parents - couldn't baby stay there for a few hours? In principle I think many 15 y.o. can babysit - why not talk to her mum? Alternatively why not book a nice hotel for your anniversary night which does offer babysitting? (Or a hotel for you and the 15 year old, she could babysit baby whilst you have your meal in the restaurant etc - if there was an unhappy baby she can just telephone you / bring baby to you?

Neither of you are being unreasonable in my opinion.

Some people choose to use babysitters, some do not. We did and it was fine, but I understand why other people wouldn't want to.

I can see why you wouldn't be comfortable with a 15 year old I'd prefer a qualified sitter or an adult I knew. If you want to try another option ( which I don't think you do anyway) you could try emailing the owners of the property you are renting to see what they suggest.

Ultimately it's a personal decision, if you wouldn't be comfortable you shouldn't go, but your DH wants to do it for good intentions.

Italy is VERY different about taking children out to the UK. My DH and I ate at a lot of posh and romantic restaurants on our honeymoon and there isn't one which you couldn't have happily taken a baby to.

At about 8pm everyone goes out together, babies included - we felt quite left out and joked about buying a pushchair just to fit in

You will be v cross if your baby is at home with a strange sitter while you are surrounded by other babies!

Wjat about going to Italy for three.nights and leaving baby with the grandparents? Have a romantic.few nights away.

Good point, Kundry - when I was au pairing in Italy, we all went out at around 9pm to meet up with friends - didn't eat until gone 10:30pm, and the twin 22mo boys were awake until around 11pm at which point they crashed out completely - it's fairly normal to have babies and toddlers out at that time over there and for almost everyone else to coo over them!

TBH, I think when you get to Italy and see how ridiculously child-friendly it is, this will cease to be an issue. So don't make it a big deal now, just say 'I'll see how I feel when we get there' and I'm 99% sure it will resolve itself when DH sees how relaxed everyone is with kids.

Or because you've booked the private chef of course