to make DS1 walk home from school, let himself in and be on his own for an hour?

[WayHarshTai]

Fuck.

I had this all sorted.

I have been working ft for a week now (loving it), the children are obvs back to school next week and this is the plan we've made. DS2 is 2 and will be at the CM, she will pick DD (9) up from school and DS1 will walk home and let himself in.

He'll get home at 3.40ish, DH comes home at 4.30 and will come in, say hi to DS1 and walk over to get the others (CM lives over the road).

BUT my sister has just told me she thinks that's awful, he's far too young to be left regularly like that and that it's too big a risk.

Is it? I really thought it woudl be fine but she has really told me off and said it's an awful thing to consider doing.

Fuck fuck fuck.

DH has put in a flex request to work 7-3 but it could take a month.

Should I just get the CM to pick him up? It is £200 a month that we don't have but if leaving him is so shocking then we'll have to suck it up.

He is 11 in two weeks.

Please tell me what to do.

I think that's fine. I did this with ds1 last year a couple of times a week. He didn't want to go to after school club and I felt it gave him a bit of responsibility and independence. Much needed as next week he starts high school and has to get to and from school every day on the bus on his own. Yr 6 is the perfect time to start doing things like this op. I'm sure he'll be fine - ds1 loved having the house (and tje remote control) to himself.

I am planning tht next week DD will get off the school bus, walk to mine and let herself in. She will be on her own for about an hour until I get home. She's 11. If you're irresponsible I am too. And I'm prone to anxiety as you know. (No Denby bought yet though lol)

My ex thinks its totally and utterly ridiculous and I am irresponsible. I told him that was fine he could pick her up and keep her til half five.

She's getting the bus and walking.

It sounds perfectly sensible to me! Does your ds like the idea? You know your child better than anyone, I'd say trust you instincts.

You say the childminder is just over the road so presumably if anything cropped up he could pop over there?

My DS is a similar age. If he was willing I would let him do this, especially if it was only possibly for a month until flexible working is agreed. Arm him with names and numbers of reliable neighbours so that he has someone to go to if he is concerned about anything.

How far does he have to walk home from school?

The time spent at home alone til your dh arrived wouldn't concern me too much as long as your boy's a sensible sort, which I assume he is or you wouldn't have considered it in the first place.

How far is it? Is it the walking home or the being by himself at home that is the problem?

Could he walk to the childminder for the first few months and stay there til DH collects him, and if that goes well start letting himself into the house after Christmas?

And DD will be expected to see to the dog and empty the dishwasher. I'm also hoping she might start dinner if I pay her ;)

Therefore, your DS is pretty much the oldest in Y6.

I can't see why not, if it's a reasonably short, safe walk home. We had Y6's who did.

Especially if your DH can get flexi time some nights or there is a club occasionally after school, so it's not every night.

£200 a month is silly money.

Thank you.

It was DS's idea, he doesn't want to go to the CM, and he's been walking home to me for a year so that bit isn't new.

The conversation came up because I was telling her about a friend of DS's who has been left alone all day in the hols, which I think is a bit much, and she said, well it's no defferent to leaving him for an hour like you're going to, that's shocking, anything could happen. And then she really went off on one about it.

Her DC are both pre schoolers though so I think it's that she has no comprehension of bigger kids.

I know DS will just sit on the com[puter playing MInecraft until DH gets in. My parents live a few doors up and will be around most days (although I will not be relying on them for childcare), so he can wander up there if he's lonely, and we know our neighbours well enough for him to knock for them if he needs help.

I think it's fine. I have been leaving ds2 alone quite a bit during the last year, & sending him on errands for me ready for him to start secondary next year (he'll have to get himself there & back). It's a good way to start IMO.

Also I would start now. He's much more likely to happily sit down and watch the telly with a snack as the days draw in. Start in the spring and the temptation to dawdle and muck about in the way home is far greater.

You could try it for a week/month and keep it under review and if it doesn't work or he's uneasy then look at something else?

If he's used to the walking already he'll be fine at home for a little while.

As long as there's phone numbers for him and he knows what to do in the event of an emergency he'll be fine, doe he have a mobile?

That's a good idea, Spotty. I can use that as a threat to make sure he behaves, in fact

Your sis IBU. I often leave my 10 (nearly 11) year old son on his own for a couple of hours.
He loves it, really helping with his confidence and he enjoys the peace and quiet away from his little brother
He knows the rules, dont answer the door, or phone.
He has a mobile I ring him on and Ive always had a long list of everyones phone numbers pinned up.
My DM thinks hes too young but I know hes ok and I trust him.
Is your DS ok with being left? If he is then I think Id tell your Sis to butt out.

She hasnt a cluecwhat shes talking about. I was doing this from six or seven easily, 11 was practically a grown up to me then!

At almost 11 I would say its fine too. My DS is just gone 12 and we have been leaving him at home alone for a few hours on and off now for a year or so.

I did this with both mine at this age

I was given my first key around 11 (yr 6 in school) and used to let myself in etc occasionally, if there was no-one at home. V rare for that to happen and I do recall being furious if my parents arrived home quicker than what I deemed normal! From the start of yr 7 I walked to and from home alone, let myself in and managed to reach adulthood (now 30) without burning down the house/poisoning myself - your boy will be fine.

I think it's fine.

You know he will be fine :)

So will DD.

She has neighbours to go to, not even family, but I just cannot afford a childminder. I've gone f/t after years of p/t and the childminder money would make it pointless.

Thanks all of you.

I KNEW it was fine. I was just having a wobble. And my sister has a knack of getting to me.

I might post about the worms thing she said as well as that was hilarious.

I think this kind of thing depends on the child. Safety wise I think it's fine, he's unlikely to come to any harm.

But, a lot of kids that age aren't emotionally ready to be on their own regularly.

A friend of my mum only found out when her daughter was an adult that when she was 11 or 12 and had to go home and be on her own for between one and 2 hours she would go home every day, lie on the floor behind the settee and stay there, hiding, until she heard her mum get in. She never told her mum until years later and her mum was mortified when she found out.

I can remember being 13ish and not really liking being at home alone after school. We used to have a badketball hoop on the wall outside so if it was a nice day I often went outside to throw the basketball because I didn't want to be inside by myself.

But, some kids I'm sure it really wouldn't bother.

I started doing this when I was 10, though for 2-3 hours on my own, it was fine. Nice to unwind after school on my own!

Do leave a spare key with a neighbour or your parents just in case.

Trust yourself.