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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on holiday with adult dc.

36 replies

orangeandemons · 30/08/2013 21:19

One of them stayed with us whilst on holiday. Suddenly there were loads of dishes, stuff everywhere, sand in the bath from where they had a shower after surfing, crumbs etc. I had enough of this when they all lived at home and don't want it on holiday. Plus, I kinda like the silence....

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeandemons · 30/08/2013 21:20

Dh now saying he wants us all to go on holiday next year, but I am much less keen. I don't want clutter, crumbs etc

OP posts:
froken · 30/08/2013 21:25

If the slight annoyance of crumbs of more important to you than the company and shared experiences with your dc then yanbu ( but in that case I hope they find partners with lovely parents)

verytellytubby · 30/08/2013 21:37

I can truthfully say I will embrace the crumbs and mess if my adult children will go on holiday with me. My friend is gutted that her 16 year old will not go on anymore holidays with her.

Almostfifty · 30/08/2013 21:41

Go to an all inclusive hotel. You won't have anything to do.

girlywhirly · 30/08/2013 21:51

I don't think you should have to share your holiday with adult DC. I do think that you need to tell them upfront if you decide to go ahead with it next year that they need to step up with the cleaning and tidiness. Or they do their own thing somewhere else.

I'm guessing you and DH ended up with doing the dirty dishes and cleaning the bath before you could use it? This isn't acceptable from adults and it's no fun nagging all the time. I would go away for a weekend with the DC, but not for a main R&R holiday. You could insist on the sort of holiday where you don't have to do any dishes or cleaning, and see what DH thinks!

chickydoo · 30/08/2013 21:55

Well all 4 of my children want to holiday with us. & my Dad comes too. I usually need a holiday to get over the holiday. OP I feel your pain.

RandomMess · 30/08/2013 21:57

Depends if they actually want to holiday with you or just it as an opportunity for free transport and accommodation somewhere to do their own thing...

Blu · 30/08/2013 21:58

How adult?

18.5 or 36?

runningonwillpower · 30/08/2013 22:00

I love holidays with my adult children.

But then again, they do behave like adults and share the chores.

Smartiepants79 · 30/08/2013 22:03

froken and telly took the words out of my mouth.
Personally I think a family holiday with ALL your family is an opportunity no to be missed.
Can't you just lay down some ground rules and set up a rota for chores?

Garcia10 · 30/08/2013 22:06

How sad that you think this way about your DCs. Mine is only 11 and I will be so happy if she still wants to go on holiday when she is an adult. Can't imagine ever wanting her not too regardless of a bit of mess.

Original poster
orangeandemons · 31/08/2013 13:55

Garcia I would have felt like that when mine were 11. They are 26, 23 and 19, and would all bring their girlfriends.

We would have a rota, but one dropped in, and we weren't really prepared, and then suddenly there was crap everywhere, and I'd forgotten what it was like. We can't afford to go to an inclusive hotel. Lovely though they all are, the 3 of them just male a mess, and whilst they will pull their weight, they just don't see all the mess they make.

Anyway, they are coming as we have booked it

OP posts:
witchface · 31/08/2013 15:16

My rule is never go on holiday with people you dont live with. That way you take house rules and dynamics with you. I love my parents but the horror of going away with them now!

theoriginalandbestrookie · 31/08/2013 15:21

Try going on holiday with other people's adult DCs.

Their inability to clean after themselves or understand why it would be a nice gesture to empty the dishwasher when you see it needs it, becomes even less cute when they aren't your DCs.

Mind you still preferable to adult BIL who apparently believes that grown men do not have to lift their fingers on holiday as that sort of thing is wimmins work.

StuntGirl · 31/08/2013 15:24

I wouldn't like it either.

I am considering suggesting going away with my parents next year, but if we do we will be booking separate accommodation, just to avoid this very problem! As witch says, you all work to your own dynamics that way.

sameoldIggi · 31/08/2013 15:31

I don't think I've picked up what type of holiday it will be?
I can see how mess (especially if you're expected to clean it) can be annoying, but can't you have your tidy home all the other weeks of the year? You do sound like there are no positives to the arrangement for you. Which is a bit odd.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 31/08/2013 15:45

We often go away with my parents and get on great. Does tend to be hotels though :o

dolcelatte · 31/08/2013 15:59

I understand that you don't want to run round after them now they've grown up, but not that you would prefer not to be with them.

girlywhirly · 31/08/2013 16:09

On your own head be it then, OP. Just hope they pay their way as well as doing all the chores.

Jan49 · 31/08/2013 16:10

I'm not sure why anyone would particularly want to go on holiday with their adult children or why the adult children would want to go with their parents. Surely the younger generation would want to do completely different things from their parents? I wouldn't want to go away with someone who made a mess that I ended up clearing up. As it's been booked now, perhaps you should lay down some ground rules about sharing the chores and make it clear this is the last time you plan to go on holiday with them.

I'm surprised at people who think it's sad not to want to go on holiday with adult children who have left home. I don't know anyone who does this.

I thought "the 3 of them just male a mess" was an interesting Freudian slip.Grin

Fivemoreminutesmummy · 31/08/2013 16:11

Why can't you get adjacent villas/ apartments/ rooms? Then you have bonus of company and no mess. Happy days

Original poster
orangeandemons · 31/08/2013 16:15

It would be a cottage. However, we have just found out it is more than we can afford.

Let me just get this straight. I would love to go on holiday with them all. Love it, if it was a hotel, or somewhere where we had separate apartments, but the thought of them all just retreating to teenagedom and leaving a tip everywhere is not appealing. Last holiday we went on, with all of them, Dh and I were in the supermarket every other day. I want to be relaxed and calm on holiday not tussling over chores

OP posts:
whois · 31/08/2013 16:19

Surely the younger generation would want to do completely different things from their parents?

I didn't realise lying by the pool, reading, going for walks and eating good food while drinking nice wine was generation specific.

I go away with my parents. It's nice, don't see them that much the rest of the year as we live over 3 hours apart. I go away with my friends for more active holidays.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 31/08/2013 16:20

I know what you mean orangeanddemons, I saw it exactly in the hol we had with SIL. Now I can see why she petitions so hard for them to go AI when they go abroad Grin.

Are your sons working? Can you insist at least that they pay for takeaways or their shares of meals out. I know it's a tussle to sort out a rota but could you do that?

Or if its a fortnight could you let DCs come for a week then boot them out for you to have your real holiday.

NoComet · 31/08/2013 16:25

We tend to camp nearby, rather than stay with DSIL. Partly she's very tight on space, but mainly 'D'BIL would find us and DCs much older than theirs hard work 24/7.

Their house gets up/goes to bed much earlier than ours. Also DH/DSIL and me fall in reminiscences from a past he doesn't share, often including My late DMIL who he didn't like.

He's nice enough in small doses and great with the DDs, but I'm certain he realises DH, me and DMIL would much rather DSIL had married her lovely long term ex or at least someone more academic.

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