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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my local coffee shop to let me in with a pram?

236 replies

Shockingundercrackers · 30/08/2013 12:01

Will try to keep this brief. My local coffee shop owner has just refused me entry with a pram (not a massive silver cross call the midwife one, just a bugaboo style thing). He said he was busy (he wasn't, and although its a small place there were only two other customers inside) and that buggies had to be parked outside. I can see the logic of this, but a pram with a 5 week old sleeping baby in it isn't really a buggy is it? Or is it?

I should have remonstrated with the grumpy fecker of course, but it had taken me so long to get said infant out of the house and I was so hungry and tired I thought I might embarrass myself and start blubbing. I beat a hasty retreat.

I've been fuming ever since of course. AIBU?

OP posts:
Mutley77 · 30/08/2013 14:14

I understand why you are fuming. You have a 5 week old and are hungry plus there is no obvious reason not to be allowed in the cafe (eg it being overcrowded).

I'm with you, I find having a baby in a pram much easier. And safer. Having a boiling hot drink over a baby's head is not safe, anything could happen eg someone knocks your arm, and baby could be scarred for life.

If my baby isn't in the mood to be held she will be grumpy and difficult to manage in sling, crying and arching back. If she is asleep in pram she is generally contented for long enough that I can have a drink and something to eat. Make sure you find somewhere to accommodate your with the pram as it will be more relaxing for the rest of your mat leave!

SilverApples · 30/08/2013 14:17

'Make sure you find somewhere to accommodate your with the pram as it will be more relaxing for the rest of your mat leave!'

Good advice.
Are there other places in your locality that are better at dealing with parents and small children?

EssexGurl · 30/08/2013 14:18

I had this when DS was little. Reluctantly let in but told would have to go if it got busy. Funnily enough in the last 6 years I think I have only been in once. On that occasion told they wouldn't serve us just coffee and cake as it was lunchtime and they only did full meals. NO ONE in the place and would only have been 15 min as waiting for DSs prescription to be filled. It is a nice independent business that I would much rather patronise. But now Costa across the road get my business - and they help with DDs buggy if needed. All the school mums go there - better service.

Forgetfulmog · 30/08/2013 14:19

Can I just add that having a baby in a pram does not make it immune to scalding from hot drinks! A person could just as easily (accidentally) spill a hot drink into the pram as knock your hot drink.

Anyway do parents these days not hold their babies in cafes at all for fear of hot drink spillage Hmm?

SilverApples · 30/08/2013 14:21

Is the other cafe empty EssexGurl? Or does it have all the custom that would rather have a toddler-free drink?

flipchart · 30/08/2013 14:25

That's because you iz oooold flipchart.
Yep, and not self obsessed and expecting the world to accommodate me just because I have a baby.

I bloody hate prams in coffee shops when the entitled mum thinks it's ok to block aisles and we have to squeeze past to get to a counter, while they don't even look up from the cappuccino's

SilverApples · 30/08/2013 14:28

I enjoy the mental image I have when someone says 'my baby' in a particular context, or with a special voice. It involves a MP heavenly choir and targeted sunbeams.
Only in my head mind, whilst I'm gathering my patient and helpful response.

Forgetfulmog · 30/08/2013 14:30

Silver - there needs to be a "like" button on MN Grin

MrsOakenshield · 30/08/2013 14:39

Normally I would think, if the cafe is too small it just won't work with buggies - but if the OP says she has been places that are smaller, that can accommodate buggies, it does make me think - well, why can't they? Of course, they don't have to, it's their business, but I do think knowing that other countries can do this should make us think again, rather than assuming we have it right here, and also, that just because our mums had to do things in a certain way, we should still do it like that 20/30/40 years later.

kalidasa · 30/08/2013 14:42

I think it's his prerogative (and his loss) but that people are nasty about mothers and prams in this country. I really feel for you, I hated that stage when even getting to a cafe is such a massive ordeal and if you're used to working and having an adult identity you already feel weirdly invisible and second class.

I also find the mumsnet sling propaganda irritating. Not all women can use them (e.g. if you have back or pelvic problems, perhaps after SPD) and some women who can use them just don't like them. I was really keen on the idea but in the event my baby liked it but I absolutely loathed the thing, I felt trapped and too hot. I wouldn't have a hot drink wearing one either, and there are few times in life when you are more in need of a coffee than with a tiny baby in tow.

Top tip: a really good coffee cup holder to go on the handle of your pram, that way you can get a coffee to take away from small places.

Original poster
Shockingundercrackers · 30/08/2013 15:03

I'm not an "entitled mum". Or a total twat. I move out of the way of customers / waiting staff and wouldn't dream of trying to take a pram into a busy cafe either. I was annoyed because his place was empty and because I'd been there loads of times before and sent literally hundreds of pounds. Obviously I won't go in there again, but it's a pain in the arse. Its the only coffee shop near me and the other option would be to pay £4.40 to wrestle the wee man onto a bus to go into town. Not really worth it, even for my coffee habit.

What I don't get is why so many people get fuck you bitch about it... I just wanted a damn coffee in peace, i wasn't holding an NCT meeting or anything.

Imagine trying to have a coffee somewhere on your own, like a normal person.... Outrageous! Outside with a paper cup and think yourself lucky love. Jeese, I'll be wearing eyeliner and asking for equal pay next. Shock

But I do get that public opinion is overwhelmingly against me so fair enough. I'll get my sorry arse back in the kitchen where it belongs.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/08/2013 15:03

If I had a café I'd go one step further and hang a sign on the door, 'No unfolded buggies or prams.' They're a hazard in places serving hot drinks.

expatinscotland · 30/08/2013 15:05

Geez! I can't take my kids into a pub or restaurant pub in this country after 8PM. Fecking laws! The world is against me.

SilverApples · 30/08/2013 15:06

' I'll get my sorry arse back in the kitchen where it belongs.'

Well, if it's all or nothing...you could consider a thermos.

MrsOakenshield · 30/08/2013 15:10

there is no law about having a pram in a cafe, expat, that's a daft comparison, the OP isn't asking for the law to be changed.

Unfolded buggies are not automatically a hazard. Surprisingly, many people who use them are quite capable of doing so considerately.

Would you ban children, too? - the amount of them I see running around in places serving hot drinks, and that is a hazard. Of course, not all children, or even most children do so, but don't let that stand in your way. (Never seen a buggy running amok, though; weird, that.)

BettyandDon · 30/08/2013 15:10

He's a miserable bugger IMO Smile

If the cafes around here were the same they would not get a lot of business. Our lovely Italian place even has a toy section.

I've never been a fan of taking a baby in a sling to a coffee shop. Far too much of a risk of a burn on a little head for me. Just go elsewhere.

DuckToWater · 30/08/2013 15:10

I just stuck to places with lots of space around the tables and when DDs were big enough, got a tiny Maclaren that could be folded up and put out of the way.

BackforGood · 30/08/2013 15:14

Maybe I was doing something wrong, but with a 5 week old and an older child, I never had the time or money to be sitting in cafes sipping coffee, so can't really see how this is an issue at all.

Now my dc are all old enough to be left, so I have a lot more time on my hands, and dh and I are a lot further up the career ladder, and aren't paying childcare, so we have more 'spendable cash', I will occasionally meet a friend for a coffee, and I think it's a real treat.

Just thought I'd say Wink

expatinscotland · 30/08/2013 15:14

Not at all, MrsO. If you don't like it, you find a workround. That's life.

I'd ban unfolded prams and buggies if I had a café, yeah. They're a nuisance and take up space and put off customers. If I see a café with buggies and prams, I find another one. I'm past that stage and don't care to be around babies and toddlers whilst I enjoy a coffee.

I'm all for childfree areas of airplanes, too. As a person who has to travel with young children on long haul flights, I'd rather we were sat in one area with all the other children so as not to disturb others.

BettyandDon · 30/08/2013 15:15

Personally I would like to see the return of the 'coffee morning', aka coffee from a kettle with a biscuit out a tin round your neighbours.

It is a lonely business being a mum especially when local cafes are not welcoming YANBU!

slightlysoupstained · 30/08/2013 15:18

" I think it's his prerogative (and his loss) but that people are nasty about mothers and prams in this country."

This. I dislike the way it seems to be considered outrageously precious for women to take up space, how dare they?

I wasn't really able to cope with sling in early days due to SPD. Great once I was steady enough on my feet to manage. Back to not using it now after DS got too big for comfort.

One thing I am confused by though - I thought a buggy covered prams and pushchairs - does it?

DuckToWater · 30/08/2013 15:19

Coffee mornings are still very much alive and well. I just preferred to go to a coffee shop.

JenaiMorris · 30/08/2013 15:19

I hated slings.

Find a bigger caff, op. Or a Slug & Lettuce type place - save the bijoux cafés for baby-free time and relish there being no other small children there to impinge.

flipchart · 30/08/2013 15:20

You mightn't be an entitled mum or total twat, but plenty are!

There are a few rural villages near where I live and I cringe at the rudeness of some mums with prams and buggy's to be honest.

I work with children who have learning disabilities and during the school holidays after having a walk with them we have taken them for a cake and pop in the village coffee shop. Mums with buggys have two of them making it hard work to get past and tutted because one of the girls couldn't get past and she (the mum) had to get up and move it.

I just said 'Thank you, I'm sorry she struggles when there are obstacles blocking her path' and got glared at.

What I wanted to say was ' Oi. Move, you can see people are struggling. I know you don't give a fuck but I do!!!'
However as I work for LCC and had my lanyard on thought best not!

MrsOakenshield · 30/08/2013 15:36

One thing I am confused by though - I thought a buggy covered prams and pushchairs - does it?

I take it to cover everything that isn't a pram with a carrycot. So not a Silver Cross stylee perambulator or a Cameleon.