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AIBU?

or is this harrassment?

85 replies

WillIEverBeFree · 29/08/2013 21:05

Reg under NC, think footballer and dentistry.

I have a restraining order against my ex. I now find out he is having my neighbour spy on me and report every visitor, every car complete with make, model and registration that parks on my drive and every single word I say to anyone.

This has just floored me. For the past 5 weeks, every single move I make has been monitored and reported to my ex. He even knows that my fucking bin was not emptied and why - even I don't know that! (it was the recycling one).

The police don't want to know. I'm fucking angry, feeling vengeful and possibly a tiny bit scared. And probably BU. But hey. Give me your thoughts MN, please.

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carabos · 31/08/2013 09:10

If I were you, I would try to find out for 100% certain that the snooping is being done by your neighbour before you take action against him.

When XH and I were splitting up, he had me followed by a private detective. I thought he was getting info from random people such as his DM and our neighbours, not in any co-ordinated or malicious way, just chit-chat which he was then putting together as 2+2 makes 5 iyswim. Boy, was I wrong about that .

Get your ducks in a row so that you are properly informed and make sure you understand the terms of your RO, get it revised if necessary. I realise you don't have money for a lawyer, but try to find it- you need one. Mine acted pro bono for me for years because he was disgusted with X's behaviour.

WillIEverBeFree · 31/08/2013 11:03

Some more information has come out.

I got a call from DS when I was at work to say that ex had been seen in my home town. It's a small place and I was only half a mile away from where he was seen. Mum of ex's children had also said he was going to look at a flat in centre of town. If he does this there is a very high chance of crossing paths with him.

I get home and as it was bin day, expect to see empty bin by the gate. It had been moved up the path but not put in its usual place. So I panic. But...

Turns out my other neighbour brought it in and we had a chat. She talks to spying neighbour and knows for a fact that he has been talking to my ex. She mentioned this before I said anything about spying.

So here we are. Not going to approach neighbour at the moment and still welcoming all advice while I decide on course of action.

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WillIEverBeFree · 31/08/2013 11:04

Carabos that's AWFUL! I'm so sorry

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WillIEverBeFree · 31/08/2013 11:17

Tired thank you for that, I just looked it up and I see what you mean.

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nennypops · 31/08/2013 11:49

What's the wording of the restraining order? If it prevents your ex plus his servants or agents or third parties on his behalf from harassing you, then he is in breach of the order and it can be enforced. You do need to ensure your evidence is pretty solid, though; would the person who told you be prepared to go on the record?

SquinkiesRule · 31/08/2013 14:32

Holy cow the ex really is unhinged.
I wonder if he's taking time to also put the spies out on the girlfriend who has thrown him out recently.
All exes working together maybe you can get the man arrested for something.

WillIEverBeFree · 31/08/2013 21:04

The RO prevents contact directly or indirectly with me or my son.

Now I find out he has sent a "meet me" request to my best friend on plenty of fish.

Have now compiled a diary of events with screenshots.

Me, the ex gf and mum of boys have so far teamed up. We just need another ex with whom he has another two boys, on board.

Yes, my life is a fucking soap opera that has to be lived yo be believed.

I don't think I can take any more.

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WillIEverBeFree · 31/08/2013 21:07

Squinkies - apparently on the day of his conviction, he went to where the other ex (mum of other to boys) lives and walked up and down outside her house pointing and laughing with a mate. She called police but no action was taken. I told police again when I reported the Facebook stuff.

He will trip up soon enough, just hope it's before I crack.

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WillIEverBeFree · 31/08/2013 21:09

Hope nobody thinks I am drip feeding, this is all happening in real time.

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coco27 · 31/08/2013 21:17

Hmm but is it really harassment.Surely the neighbour can keep an eye on what is going on outside, from his own home? Isn't that what neighbourhood watch encourages people to do?

WillIEverBeFree · 31/08/2013 21:18

It is when he tells my ex about it I think coco.

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WillIEverBeFree · 31/08/2013 21:20

It gives him information that he can use to harass me further IYSWIM. It is however rather borderline - he knows what he is doing.

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YourHandInMyHand · 31/08/2013 21:29

It's harassment in my book! I hope he gets his comeuppance soon OP.

I shall also keep my fingers crossed that his penis rots and falls off.

WillIEverBeFree · 31/08/2013 21:38

Yourhand it seems likely the way he's shagging about

I can't even change my locks as he is still on the tenancy! Grrr that's nuts, there is a restraining order preventing him coming to this address!

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Toadinthehole · 31/08/2013 22:33

coco27

I imagine that acts which are in general legal (e.g. watching etc) are nevertheless prohibited if (and this is the crucial bit) the person against whom the order is made incites them to be done. It depends on the precise wording of the order but I suppose if I had reason to believe that my tormenter was getting people to spy on me, I'd be looking or some sort of evidence connecting them to him (either directly or by inference).

carabos · 31/08/2013 22:58

Will do you have a car? If you do, get someone to check it over. My friend's STBXH fitted a tracking device to her car via the satnav so he could check up where she had been.

Mia4 · 01/09/2013 10:06

WillIEverBeFree Did your nice neighbour say why this other neighbour was spying for your ex? Is she/he a complete cunt and shuitty or have they been given a lot of manipulative and sobbing stories that make them sympathetic?

Either way, you need to keep the police in the loop about his all and record everything. Ask your nice neighbour if she's okay with you naming her to the police as a witness to what the other neighbour is doing for your shitty ex.

You may not be able to 'change' the locks OP but if he can't approach anyway then I'd install another deadbolt-which you only have the key for. I don't know what area you are in but what about citizens Advice? Or is there any services near you that can advise?

Mia4 · 01/09/2013 10:28

Also, nots ure if this helps: www.problemneighbours.co.uk/how-deal-with-neighbour-stalkingyou.html

MissFenella · 01/09/2013 20:31

Find a time when you have a day off and break your key in the lock/lose your keys and then you can get a new lock fitted.

EldritchCleavage · 01/09/2013 20:46

WillI did you get my PM? Was it any use to you?

ParsleyTheLioness · 01/09/2013 20:56

Second MissFenella. I changed the locks knowing I wasn't really meant to. Unofficially advised it is ok in the reasons Miss has stated. Get safe first, argue the toss, if you have to later. If the police aren't interested in your stalking, hard to believe anyone will care about the locks.

WafflyVersatile · 01/09/2013 21:31

If you have a bog standard 5 lever mortice lock then you can easily slip it out and replace it with another. (or take it to the lock shop and get them to match it) Keep the old lock in a cupboard and swap back when necessary.

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WillIEverBeFree · 01/09/2013 22:52

Eldritch sorry no, did not get pm.

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EldritchCleavage · 01/09/2013 23:04

Oh hell I must have done something wrong, DC were all over me as I typed. I'll redo it.

WillIEverBeFree · 01/09/2013 23:09

Don't worry, please, it's very kind of you.

Tbh I have had enough today. Had conf that ex put neighbour up to the complaint to get me out and him back in.

Sorry, very low indeed. He is going to win I think.

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