To worry DD isn't growing up bilingual?

[bragazasdelaabuela80]

Hiya,

AIBU? DD is 3 now and despite me using only Spanish with her since birth as this is my native language, she only ever answers me in English. DP is British so speaks to her in English all the time and we speak in English as a couple as he doesn't speak Spanish at all. The only time I speak in Spanish apart from with DD is when I go back to Spain to see the family once a year.

Have any other mums had any 'negative experiences' with OPOL?

Has she never, ever spoken Spanish to you? In any situation?

She's obviously understanding what you say so for some reason she's choosing not to respond to you.

If you think she's old enough, but not too old to see through it, you could start pretending not to understand it when she speaks English. Children need both exposure to a language and a need to communicate in it in order to speak and that need can be very difficult to create for the minority language...

Bragasaz - I'm Estonian. Not a language you often hear in the UK

I had a child who I was a keyworker to, who's mum spoke german to him. Dad spoke english. He infuriated mum because he always answered in English. He's been doing DOE as a volunteer and he speaks fluent German and spanish with mum and english and french to dad. So he's 16 and fluent in 4 languages!

Bragas - I have exactly the same problem. DD1 is 5 and refuses to speak Spanish and, to be honest, I give up most of the time as DH is English and it seems simpler to speak a language we all understand. DD2 is 16 months and so far most of her words are in Spanish (agua, mas, hola ...) I'm hoping that if DD2 keeps on speaking Spanish DD1 will join in. Of course, my parents take every opportunity to make me feel guilty about it and I feel awful

I think it's worth examining your reasons for wanting your child to be bilingual. DH speaks Dutch to our DCs (6 and 4), however he works away for 20 days a month, so they mainly hear English from me. They will respond in English to DH most of the time.

I was a bit disappointed when I saw this was happening, however if I'm honest, that's just me thinking it's a bit cool to have bilingual children. Practically what we want for them is for them to understand DH speaking in his mother tongue, (a speech therapist confirmed this is very important, as children don't learn to emote very well when parents only use a 2nd language as you express your emotions so much more freely in your mother tongue); we wanted the DCs to have some connection with their Dutch roots, and we do this by attending a Dutch club that celebrates Dutch festivals; we wanted the children to be able to communicate with Dutch relatives - turns out their Dutch is just fine for that; and it gives them options when they are older - we'll see about that!

I think things are as good as we can expect. When we visit the Netherlands they are happy to go into a children's club in a holiday park, so that's good enough for us for now.

I think it's hard to let go of the idea that your children will want to speak your language, but things will work out as they get older and more curious.

It is definitely hard to bring up children in several languages and yes most of them go through a phase of not wanting to speak one. I recently read that they usually do it around 3 or 4, when they have mastered one set of vocabulary, so your DD is probably followingthis pattern. You just have to insist on the second language with her and make sure she answers only in Spanish to you. You can also increase the amount of time she is exposed to your language to balance things

DS went through that same phase with DH's second language (Ukrainian) and we have just hired a Ukrainian au pair to help a bit. We also do OPOL with English (DH and as a family) and French (me). But we also considerably lowered our expectations with Ukrainian, there is so much the DC can learn. OPOL works well if you are very strict with it!

As it has been suggested, a Spanish school, an au pair,regular Skypes and VO entertainement are worth trying.

The good thing about Spanish is it is a very dominant language, it's spoken all over the world, there are loads of resources to help with and you will be able to find other Spanish speakers in England as well as when you visit Spain. So, if you want to reinforce, get her classes, listen to tapes, read books together in that language the option is there (which it isn't in Estonian, I sympathise, we have the same with a different very unusual language).

But, not everyone succeeds in bringing up bilingual children, you have to make it a positive mission and actively seek to bring it about, it won't just happen when one parent speaks that language once the child is old enough to know you understand English. I know more families with one 'foreign' parent where the children aren't bilingual than are, they usually start out with the best of intentions and it works fine til the children hit English nursery, but then you need more immersion/reason to speak it (e.g. visiting the home country) much more for reinforcement and it can just drift away as an opportunity. If you don't want that to happen, perhaps read more about it online and start thinking how you can do more in Spanish- even classes for little ones, every bedtime story in Spanish, whatever, at least it is a language where there are lots of resources as well as a really large Spanish speaking population- I think the opportunity is much greater in this instance than for some other languages.

My dc are bilingual in English/Scottish Gaelic but only started speaking Gaelic on nursery entry age 3. They are all now so fluent a "born" native speaker can't tell the difference, neither dh or I speak it (they do go to a Gaelic medium school so school is mainly in Gaelic).

Agree that there has to be a rule that if she is spoken to in Spanish, she responds in Spanish. My native language is also not English, and so many of my friends here have children who understand the foreign language but never answer in it - and NONE of them have grown out of it! A few are now teenagers and even when they visit older family overseas, they can understand but are totally incapable of responding, as talking is somehow a very different skill.

We are only in early days and already finding it tricky, but friends have said that the key is to make the secondary language important for them to know, by insisting that conversations are in one language at a time, by having lots of fun things around the house that require the other language, from films to board games, and making plenty of trips or having other people around who will speak the secondary language.

I join the previous speakers: second language requires hard and persistent work. I know lots of migrants, and saw only one case where language of the country of origin developed "naturally" in children. In that family both parents are speaking it at home, and the mum speaks A LOT. She speaks all the time and twice as fast as anyone else.

My own DD switched to English after a year in the country, and I sent her to Saturday school to keep the first language running.

You need to get her into Spanish language school or weekly classes at least. And spend time with other Spanish speakers in uk on regular basis.

My ex (Spanish) did very little In terms of speaking Spanish to dc , especially when they were babies. It was sometimes yes sometimes not. one argument was over me asking him to read to them each day in spanish (he said i should do this... and any way never came home from work early enough) he would speak sometimes and we would have Spanish speaking friends over (I speak Spanish also but is not my native tongue) but once they went to Spanish nursery and school they v quickly picked it up and have good levels in both languages.

I think the contact with other Spanish speakers kids and teachers was what made the difference. I end up speaking Spanish now too with some families, with others it's English and others a mix of Spanglish..the dc happy with either .

If it is just you and family then yes dd will pick up some Spanish but to really boost it to be bilingual she needs regular time with Spanish speakers other than you or very extended times in Spain eg long summer holidays each year spending time in Spanish summer camp or with same age cousins speaking Spanish to and with her .

I do think that speaking the language with other children is important. And seeing you speak Spanish to other people around you in uk

Interesting. DH and live I the UK. I am English and we communicate in English at home although I can understand DH's language for the most part (speaking is harder). DS1 (3) attends English nursery. We have always done OPOL but DH's language is not that common in the UK. We have been on an extended holiday this summer to DH's country and DS is now, after 1 month, using more and more of DH's language. Problem is, he seems to know family understand English so it's pretty mixed. So if you can join Spanish groups in the UK you should find that will have an effect but what I am trying to say is, it's there in your child's head and I am sure if you continue the Spanish one day it will come out. In any case, the ability to understand is beneficial in it's own right IMO. I think don't force her to respond in Spanish, you don't want her to start hating it but try and hang out with other Spanish speakers and it will become more alive for her.

I think about this too - my hubbie is the Spanish speaker. Where do you live as I would love to find a buddy to help my kids.

A friend has kids who love the fact that they can speak Spanish and Gaelic and poor dim Daddy only understands English, heh heh. Actually, daddy understands both Spanish and Galeic fine, thanks, but finds it extremely useful to play dim and know what his kids are up to.

There are lots of local kids here who are bilingual and it is seen as cool. They tend to hang out in gangs- german speakers, Japanese speakers, etc- at primary school.

Perhaps once she is older she will get more fun out of having a second language and she will use it more?

I am bringing up two bilingual kids. I know many bilingual families and those who've managed to get the kids fluent in both languages are dedicated and focused. One of my kids is verbal and he spent the first 3.5 years of his life in a non-English speaking environment. I was his only source of English and he is now very confident and articulate in English and his other language. I made sure he watched TV in English, I read him English language stories, I spoke to him as much as possible in English. When he speaks to me in his other language (v. rare now), I repeat what he is saying but in English and I answer him in English. It's not easy and it doesn't come naturally. Now we're back in an English-speaking environment and their father is the one who is having to make all the effort. Good luck!

I'm Spanish & British and my husband is British. He doesn't speak Spanish so we talk in English to each other but I always speak in Spanish to my children. My youngest can't talk yet, but my eldest always answers me in English and always has. Even though she completely understands me and is capable of speaking Spanish (has done with my family) she just never chooses to. Your dd will be growing up bilingual don't worry.

My friend always spoke German to her son and he always replied in English. Then she moved to a French-speaking part of Belgium and he automatically switched to German with his mum... see, it had all been going in! And of course he was trilingual by 5.

My children are bilingual and speaking to them in my second language is a way to get their attention quick smart!

Haha! This happens with my friend's three year old. She talks to him in Spanish and often he replies in English. Her situation is a bit different as her husband speaks Spanish, as do her mum and grandma who are both here. If she wants him to speak Spanish, she ignores what he says until he asks her in Spanish or responds in Spanish.

You know I felt exactly the same until this summer when my four year old suddenly switched to speaking English with me. Clear that the language where we live is dominant but he's beginning to speak more and more English... (Father speaks the On my way! Language as well).

So maybe also give it a year? And certainly holidays to Spain should help.

Like other posters have said, it doesn't mean they can't speak the language, they just choose not to. My eldest spoke in both at that age but my second son stubbornly understands both but will only speak in one (even though, interestingly, he had far more opportunity and exposure than hus big brother, e.g. Nursery, famiky, community). They are all different and deal in their own ways with their linguistic choices.

Excuse typos

Oooh, that sounds a little harsh of your friend, mimishimi :( I still remember the pressure from my own childhood of making sure I pleased the adults with speaking the 'right' language in the right situation, to the extent that when I started school I developed selective mutism, probably to avoid the anxiety.

I don't think it is always necessary to insist that children answer in the right language- as Wellies says, being too rigid can result in resentment.

But I do think you need to sell the second language in some way, there needs to be some kind of situation where having it really pays off. If you can find other Spanish speaking children, that would be ideal.

We have never been particularly strict about answering in the same language and dc are now bilingual teenagers, so clearly it did work. But then we have had regular holidays in Sweden, older dc has penfriends and facebook friends in Sweden, relatives come and visit.

I can't remember dd ever refusing to speak either language, but ds did go through a phase where he refused to speak English: very embarrassing as his poor mates couldn't understand what was going on. I suppose it was a form of selective mutism. He grew out of it.