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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think there is a stigma attached to taking up Free School Meals?

420 replies

cingolimama · 29/08/2013 13:33

Would really value MNers experience here. DH and I have had a pretty disastrous year financially (redundancy for DH, drying up of contracts for me). However we are both working hell for leather to turn this around. In the meantime we're eligible for FSM, which frankly would be a big help. I also know that it helps the school gain a Pupil Premium.

But I'm a bit nervous about this. I don't want my daughter to be "targeted for help" as I believe anyone benefiting from FSM is (but perhaps I'm being idiotic - DD could surely use a booster in maths dept.) I also don't want any social stigma attached to this. It's a mixed school socially, but the majority is very middle class. Has anyone had any negative experience of taking this up? Or AIBU and it will all be fine?

OP posts:
Feminine · 30/08/2013 11:58

Oh I see broken thanks :)

Seems most families are trapped in some kind of credit reliance.

Your point makes sense. I wish they did that also.

Sunrunner · 30/08/2013 12:02

I think it is natural to worry about your child being stigmatised. The school ds goes to is entitled to a pupil premium for him. There was a week of activities for children where the school recieve a pp for them and i was concerned that he would be judged by the other children/parents.

I actually don't think that was the case now though. (although he didn't attend for different reasons)

I wouldn't be able to tell which children recieved fsm (I suppose I would have been able to guess by who went to the activities) but it's not something I think others judge on, or at least I hope not.

curlew · 30/08/2013 12:03

"ok then, we live in a lovely fluffy egalitarian world where all primary school teachers and particularly SENCOs, no sorry 'professionals', are paragons of fairness, non-judgementalness and all round loveliness.
Happy now?"

No we don't. However we don't have a world where a child being on FSM is a flag for social services, either.

burberryqueen · 30/08/2013 12:04

yes we do i heard it from the year head's mouth to the social worker..I WAS THERE!!!

burberryqueen · 30/08/2013 12:06

although actually it was probably more about me being a single mother with ideas above her station in life.

AmberLeaf · 30/08/2013 12:07

She may have said, but that doesn't mean it is a flag for SS.

Feenie · 30/08/2013 12:07

Those that get FSM also get help with outings/trips.

In your school. That's not a blanket thing.

burberryqueen · 30/08/2013 12:08

yes that is true amberleaf...

Feenie · 30/08/2013 12:09

although actually it was probably more about me being a single mother with ideas above her station in life.

Perhaps it was - how utterly appalling.

But - again - not a reason why the OP, or others, should not claim FSM.

Ezza1 · 30/08/2013 12:10

I'm finding this all very sad. Free school meal children back 30 years ago certainly were looked upon "differently" and it had a certain stigma attached to it.

However I'm disliking the assumption that a child in receipt of fsm is academically less likely to succeed. My DS is an A* student. Neither my lone parenting nor receipt of any benefits over the years has any bearing on that. Ive always been short of money. He has always been a willing learner and I have always encouraged him.

30 years ago there was a family of 11 in my school. All had fsm. All went on to university and now have own businesses/good jobs. Well done that family - they took a lot of shit back then from other children - and some adults (no tv, no new clothes, 2 big banger cars etc...)

Tarring all fsm claimants with the same brush is horrible and the paranoia and snobbery of a few seems to fuel it.

friday16 · 30/08/2013 12:12

"although actually it was probably more about me being a single mother with ideas above her station in life."

Are you seriously saying that social services opened a file on your child because the head of year summoned a social worker and told them your child was getting FSM? Given that a typical school has around 25% of its intake on FSM, it's a wonder your local child protection team get any work done.

friday16 · 30/08/2013 12:13

"However I'm disliking the assumption that a child in receipt of fsm is academically less likely to succeed."

www.thecompleteuniversityguide.co.uk/news/russell-group-under-fire-over-class-bias/

"It says the odds of a child at a state secondary school who is eligible for free school meals in Year 11 ? the final year before they begin their sixth form studies for university admission ? going to Oxbridge by the age of 19 is almost 2,000:1 against. By contrast, the odds of a privately educated child being admitted to Oxbridge are 20 to 1."

burberryqueen · 30/08/2013 12:17

Are you seriously saying that social services opened a file on your child because the head of year summoned a social worker and told them your child was getting FSM
no

BrokenSunglasses · 30/08/2013 12:19

ESA, you are right and that's exactly why the pupil premium being attached to FSMs is unfair and illogical.

There are children on FSMs that don't need extra help beyond what they would usually get from school to achieve academically, and there are other children who have swimming pools at home that desperately need school intervention. The latter group children have as much right to extra support from their government and school as children whose parents get benefits.

There are a lot of children who are being failed because of the system we currently have. If you don't get a tick next to your name in a box labeled FSM, SEN, EAL or anything else, then you are fair game to ignore, because no ones going to check up on your achievement.

Sunrunner · 30/08/2013 12:50

Sunglasses, the pupil premium that the school recieves for my son is not to do with income (and as a household are income is higher than average) however statistically he is disadvantaged. So although he is doing very well at school there are many children from the same backround who aren't.

If children, as a group, are suffering due to their needs not being met, then how should they be identified? I can't see how it would be easy to differentiate them from their general peers?

marriedinwhiteisback · 30/08/2013 12:55

Having read the whole thread the only bit I have an issue with is the highly performing child who got into a private school for which a relative is now paying. If the child was on fsm why wasn't the relative paying for the school meals. Benefits are for those who can't manage and have nowhere to torn imo. That child will not be able to access fsm at an indy and it seems odd to me to take a state benefit when thousands of pounds are avAilable for education in another sector.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 30/08/2013 12:58

Er perhaps the relative came into money around the time the kid would be moving up?

So everyone should scrounge off parents their whole life rather than claim what they are entitled to? Seriously?

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 30/08/2013 13:00

And u do realise his or her spouse could have died and that's how the money came about. What a nasty post.

HappyMummyOfOne · 30/08/2013 13:05

I dont think its fail safe but given the stats speak for themselves it clearly shows why the government past and present use this method.

By only giving FSM to households where nobody works, it means the pupil premium can try and address the imbalance of outcomes for these children in the hope that they gain aspirations and go on to do well in life rather than become the next generation of claimants.

If every child on FSM met the same levels as the rest then they would soon scrap FSM and pupil premiums as it wouldnt be needed. Whilst some children dont need the help many obviously do.

I doubt FSM is a factor alone for SS but it may be looked at if they are already involved purely for the predicted outcomes for the child.

burberryqueen · 30/08/2013 13:08

By only giving FSM to households where nobody works, it means the pupil premium can try and address the imbalance of outcomes for these children in the hope that they gain aspirations and go on to do well in life rather than become the next generation of claimants
one thing my children are not doing as a result of my temporary unemployment is 'becoming the next generation of claimants'.
thank you

burberryqueen · 30/08/2013 13:09

and it is attitudes like that that put people off applying

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 30/08/2013 13:17

And of course without claiming some benefits you are unable to claim for others. So accessing finding for child are so some one could go to college and learn/train for a career to help get them off benefits , would be impossible if family paid for everything.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 30/08/2013 13:18

Child care

Feenie · 30/08/2013 13:23

The relative concerned is a celebrity who chose to intervene in school fees at that point in the child's life.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 30/08/2013 13:27

What a kind thing to do for that child :)