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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a man I met online not to be so keen as to make me feel uncomfortable?

42 replies

Laurel1979 · 28/08/2013 18:58

I'd really appreciate some perspective on this, as I haven't been in a relationship for a couple of years and I'm maybe over-reacting!! Well recently it's felt like everyone I know has met someone great online, so I thought I'd give it a go, as I'm a single parent to an 8 year old and I also have a busy job. A I signed up and received a message from a really friendly guy, everything seemed perfect- he's not bad looking, has a nice job/car,/home and similar interests to me, so after a chat online we exchanged numbers, and last night he rang me. I really enjoyed chatting to him and we left it that we would "chat soon" and likely meet up for a coffee at some stage in the next week or two. This was fairly late last night, around midnight. Today I've felt a little overwhelmed by all the contact from him though- he sent me texts throughout the day starting from 7am, using my mobile number, whatsapp and also via the online dating site (pof). I did reply but it was an hour or two later as I've had a hectic day. He also kept sending me text messages that just had a smiley face icon and nothing else... Ad then asked me via text if He could ring me tonight, to which I replied I was working a night shift. He then asked to contact me via FaceTime, I said No as I hate those sites, but he proceeded to try and do it anyway, which I ignored. He keeps texting to say he just wants to "see my smile." He also appears to have tracked me down on Facebook and has made a friend request, which I have ignored as I haven't met this guy and I don't want him seeing all of my private stuff including photos of my daughter. (I didn't tell him my surname so I've no idea how he found me).
AIBU to find this overbearing? It's really putting me off, if I hadn't been bombarded today I'd have loved to meet him, but now I just feel a bit creeped out. He says on his profile he's never had a relationship for longer than a year. Is that weird for a 35 year old?
Sorry for long post, I'd love some advice!!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/08/2013 19:02

I didn't tell him my surname so I've no idea how he found me That alone would freak me out. Stalker IMO.

Fruitnut · 28/08/2013 19:03

I'd be running for the hills, far too full on for my liking. He doesn't know your address does he?

MammaTJ · 28/08/2013 19:06

Weird indeed. Block him on everything. That should give him a bit of a hint.

Original poster
Laurel1979 · 28/08/2013 19:07

I feel better its not just me then who thinks its weird! And I felt it was even worse as he didn't mention in the text he'd found me on FB...... I think I'd better avoid him. And thankfully he doesn't know where I live!!
He also seemed to think think I'd be going to Florida with him next year when I mentioned I was there recently.........

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 28/08/2013 19:07

As for how he found you, did I read something about google chrome being able to look at a picture (yours profile pic on POF) and find other places it is on tinternet (your FB profile)?

BMW6 · 28/08/2013 19:08

Run for the hills - totally overbearing if not stalker-esque. Tell him to back off & if he doesn't report to the dating site, then police if he persists.
Hope you find someone nice (and normal) soon !

pinkyredrose · 28/08/2013 19:08

Run! As fast as you can!

SilverApples · 28/08/2013 19:09

'Ad then asked me via text if He could ring me tonight, to which I replied I was working a night shift. He then asked to contact me via FaceTime, I said No as I hate those sites, but he proceeded to try and do it anyway, which I ignored. '

He's not taking no for an answer at the first few steps, which is not a good sign.
I'd end the contact now, but I would tell him why.
He is over-bearing, he has bombarded you with requests and texts and he hasn't stopped when you asked him to. Too much.

oldgrandmama · 28/08/2013 19:12

Agree with the others. WAY too stalkerish. Suggest no more contact at all, even if you have to change your tel. no.

MissStrawberry · 28/08/2013 19:14

I think if someone does something that makes you feel uneasy you should stop all contact immediately. There are plenty of other men who will respect your wishes and not try and rough ride you into more than you want.

AmberLeaf · 28/08/2013 19:16

Way too much.

Calling you that late at night was a pisstake too.

Tell him you are not interested and not to contact you again.

Latara · 28/08/2013 19:19

This is not normal. I've not been in a relationship for a long time but I definitely don't think this behaviour is anywhere near ok!

Definitely trust your instincts and avoid!

DrDance · 28/08/2013 19:22

Way odd. As for finding you on facebook, it's actually really easy as your email automatically sends a link to your facebook page (easier again if your mobile no is linked in too)

So if any contact you have had is via email or linked to your email it sends them a note of your facebook page. Not actual sure how it works but I found this out recently upon receiving a friends request and he told me it came up after I replied to an email from him

Original poster
Laurel1979 · 28/08/2013 19:31

Thanks for all the replies so far! Yeah, there was just something that made me feel uneasy, couldn't put my finger on it, was hoping it was just me as he did seem good on paper (before the stalking). Actually now I feel relieved I'm justified in avoiding further contact. The last thing I need is a stalker! Usually I hate it when guys don't call but this is far worse! Since posting he has texted again asking why I didn't answer him on FaceTime. Now this is after I made it clear this afternoon I was going to try and get some sleep before doing a nightshift that starts at midnight (I'm a doctor). So either he's thick or just won't take no for an answer. He didn't have my email address and my mobile number is definitely not linked to my Facebook. He might have just typed my name and city into search on Facebook to find me, but that wkd have led him to a massive list of people!! Maybe I'm destined to stay single!

OP posts:
LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi · 28/08/2013 19:38

Even if what he was doing didn't sound stalkerish (which I agree it does), there would be nothing unreasonable in you not liking how someone you've had one date with acts. You don't have to justify yourself - if you are put off by the way he acts in a small way, you're entitled to admit it to yourself. If you'd just met Mr Right, you would find that the small things didn't get to you, so it's as good a sign as any.

MsVestibule · 28/08/2013 19:39

I met my DH on a dating site, so know they're a great way of meeting somebody, but I would have ran a mile if somebody had behaved like this, however I'd met them!

If this is the way he's behaved in the past, I'm amazed any of his relationships have lasted longer than a week, never mind a year.

AmberLeaf · 28/08/2013 19:41

He just isn't respecting your wishes and the boundaries you are trying to set.

Not the sort of person you want to go any further with!

If he carries on after you tell him you're not interested in any further contact, send him one message saying if he doesn't stop you will contact the police and if he does, do it.

Tailz · 28/08/2013 19:47

I honestly wouldn't bother with him.

In respect to how he got your surname etc, Google your own mobile number and see what comes up. You'd be surprised at the amount of info that is available from a number alone.

Edendance · 28/08/2013 20:38

Definitly not cool. It reeks of immaturity and desperation. In real life he'll quite probably be very socially inept and a bit weird. I have had experiences very similar to this in the past- it's best to nip it in the bud early on or you just end up feeling embarrassed and guilty and he'll feel lead on and used... onwards and upwards! :-)

bedhaven · 28/08/2013 20:56

Oh how disappointing! A seemingly good match and he goes a bit overexcited and overfamiliar.
It's really easy to do and he probably doesnt mean to but in my (fairly extensive) experience go with your instinct. You sound like you've already been a bit weirded out by him and that isn't going to change.
It is perfectly OK to kindly and truthfully tell someone why you would rather not meet him. You'll meet other compatible people and he won't freak out the next person. Good Luck!

SoldAtAuction · 28/08/2013 20:59

seriously creepy! I would make sure you block him fastAngry

Original poster
Laurel1979 · 28/08/2013 21:00

Thanks, yes the more I think about it it does seem immature/desperate rather than sinister, but you are right bedhaven, now I feel creeped out I know that feeling won't go away!

OP posts:
mcmooncup · 28/08/2013 21:01

Psycho.
Block him immediately.

NatashaBee · 28/08/2013 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chibbs · 28/08/2013 21:26

is his name paul ? sounds very much like someone i know!